30 Days of Dominance | Day 28

Day 28 – Has your Dominance ever failed you? Have you ever been criticised or received negative feedback for your Dominance? Have you ever regretted your actions or emotions as a Dominant either in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realised you made a mistake and, if so, what lessons did you learn and how did you apply them?

There is a lot to unpack here with this one. A lot of these are pretty big questions!

Has my dominance ever failed me? Yeah, of course. Because of my anxiety / shyness. There have been times where I’ve been surprised by a submissive in jaw dropping lingerie and my ape brain just dies when she asks ‘what do you want to do with me?’

Asking that question tears open the multiverse. I see all paths and got lost in them and meanwhile I’m just staring. It’s…awkward but I’ve explained this to them either in the moment or after in a cuddle.

Have I ever been criticised or received negative feedback for my dominance? Yes and yes. Once by a random Dominant who said I wasn’t dominant at all — probably for not following his brand of dominance. Another time I was told to be more dominant by a random reader because I asked for a source for a picture I shared.

And I’ve been kinkshamed by another reader who lashed out at a fiction piece that featured degradation.

But! Beyond those opinions, I have received negative feedback from my kitten. In the beginning a mantra we had for her was just not working / satisfying. She wasn’t into it. And likewise with keeping a journal of her journey in the beginning. These were oversights for me as a young Dom.

I’d boil it down to a few things – Dom frenzy, a new relationship, just wanting to explore. And being naïve. I was young and dumb.

These were actually the things I looked back on, regretted and didn’t like. We changed them by talking about them, understanding each other more and basically dropping them because it was simply something she wasn’t into and was doing anyway, which is not what I wanted. I led wrong there.

What lesson did I learn? Slow down. Breathe. Think outside the box. Listen. Listen better. Keep on listening and asking and thinking. And communicating. We communicated through it, realised why it was awkward for now and found other exercises and tasks that felt more satisfying together.