I want to talk about the mentor role – because I’ve heard a few cases recently where there has been some miscommunication about what exactly a mentor is and how exactly they’ve operated.
I know I’ve talked about it before – and you can find that here – but I thought I’d reiterate for some new readers as well.
Think of a mentor as a friend, a life coach, your very own help line in the game show that is life. They can shed light on the lifestyle, they can recommend readings and resources, they can offer insight on what’s right and wrong. They have a responsibility to be objective and not influence the person learning with their own beliefs. This is – this should be about – the growth of the person and helping them come to terms with their feelings.
It’s a controversial aspect because some believe Mentoring should only be done with people you intend to go further with, to enter negotiations and eventually a harmonious D/s relationship.
Others think that only a Dominant can mentor a dominant and only a submissive can mentor a submissive.
It’s a tricky thing, because I have enjoyed mentoring both but at the same time I have also recognised that I simply don’t have the mindset when it comes to, say, sub frenzy or other deeper, intimate feelings of submission. I can help, I can certainly relate from the other side of the coin but whether that’s enough is up to the individual in what they want and who they want to talk to.
I’ve heard mentors taking advantage of submissive women learning, to give them tasks, to tell them things like when they can and cannot masturbate. If you’re learning and this is the case, if you’re not reciprocating the feelings or interest, then this mentoring person is in the wrong and wholly abusing the chance to help.
A mentor doesn’t have that authority. Plain and simple. They are there, on YOUR accord. To help you. Unless you two click and want to explore things sexually, romantically, they should not be doing such a thing.
They’re there for as long as you need that help. They don’t get to give you orders or tasks.
Don’t let that dissuade you from talking with one – because the thing is, there are some lovely men and women out there that work one on one with people, just as there are men and women out there that will abuse the help for their own personal gain.
If you think you want a mentor, be careful and be slow and take your time and be wary of not only what feels wrong to you that they might be doing but also the frenzy and appeal of BDSM and D/s. It can be all too easy to be swept up when you’re new and learning.