‘What is a BDSM Mentor?’ Is a question people who write in to me sometimes ask.
‘Are they together? Is it a romantic or sexual thing?’ is another question I get – and today, I’d like to cover precisely what a BDSM Mentor is and does, just to quell any confusion.
What is a BDSM Mentor?
First and foremost, a mentor is someone that has had plentiful experience in the lifestyle and whose desire is to guide their student in various ways such as answering questions, helping with any struggles and introducing them to tools that can help their development.
If I’m a submissive / Dominant, do I need to find a submissive / Dominant Mentor?
This is entirely subjective. I personally think anyone can guide and instruct, provided they have the will and mind and desire for it.
That being said, there are, of course, insights each person in the dynamic could provide you. Things that might tap into how one might feel.
And with that mind, the same could be said for a submissive talking with a Dominant mentor or a Dominant talking with a submissive Mentor.
It comes down to personal taste and preference. Not to mention who you feel more comfortable taking to, man or woman.
Is a BDSM Mentor a romantic and / or sexual thing?
No, it is entirely platonic. Of course the topic will be based in the sexual nature of things, but the Mentor’s role is to instruct, not to claim and desire. It should never cross that line.
Can you explain your own experience(s) in Mentoring?
It usually begins by conversing via email and if thoughts require an immediacy, I give the option of my own personal kik, which will reach me in the moment.
However the pupil in question wants to interact, the key thing that I want to do is listen.
Helping others iron out any mental wrinkles has been my number one goal since I started this blog back in 2015 so my first order of business is to listen, then counsel and instruct.
I’m happy to explain dynamics, the meaning of BDSM terms and to offer a bibliography of certain books I have found useful in my own journey.
Some people write in terribly anxious and nervous and don’t know what to say. And to those people, I do my best to create a safe and calm environment where they might be able to alleviate any anxiety.
On occasion, I have given exercises that might useful to a situation, such as helping one person get to a gym of a day or help to counter-act negative body image.
Mentors and Friendship
It’s important to develop a friendship and deep trust with your mentor. I cannot stress that enough.
There’s no point asking after a mentor just because – because first and foremost, you need a solid foundation with this person. And to that end, think about what you want in a friend – are they easy to get along with, do you guys make each other laugh? Do you have common interests?
When you know, you’ll know.
But can’t I just learn from the BDSM Community in general? Y’know, like Fetlife?
I suppose you can. I certainly did. I had no mentor, which is probably why I like to offer it so much – because I don’t want anyone to feel alone.
Personally, sometimes the overload of information can be stressful. Which can lead to a trigger effect in which you start to crumble every time you come back to the pool to soak your skin.
I felt that many times in my life and it drove me away many times. If you prefer seeking information from the community rather then one person, persevere. You’ll be all the stronger for it.
That being said, a one-on-one interaction is a special thing. An intimate thing. Though it has the ability to overstimulate with information, perhaps the mentor can back off and drip feed accordingly.
Again, it’s subjective. Find what works for you.
I really hope this helps clear a few things up for anyone interested in mentoring or in finding a mentor.
Remember to be safe and sure and good luck in your travels.
For any questions regarding mentoring or finding a mentor, I’m always a message away.