Do Not Be Afraid Of Who You Are

I’ve been in the lifestyle for a number of years – 12, technically. And yet, a number of those were me wandering in the dark scared of my own desire. Fearful of who I was. 
I’m much better now, with an open dialogue between the various aspects of my personality. But I still struggle. Whenever I am about to post, I am scared initially. Scared that one day, one thought will go too far. One story will be too rough. Or weird. 
I mean, I’ve written about sea creatures and vampires and sex cults and you guys are still here. But I still worry. 

And so today, I want to talk about fear.
For some, it starts at the beginning of your journey. You have a thought so effective that it scares you because of how you perceive it – that it’s weird or demented or troubling. 
Maybe it’s not just a thought, maybe it’s a mindset. A rape fantasy. A bondage fantasy. Maybe you’re a masochist and you’re trying to understand why you like sadistic concepts. 
Running from that thought won’t work. I tried. I ended back at square one face to face with the thought. And I’d feel guilty.
The trick, I think, is to begin to rewire your outlook. Day by day, steal a moment to yourself and think about what scares you. Remind yourself you’re not alone. That it’s okay to be the way you are.
For me, it was a long and slow process. I signed up to Fetlife. I challenged myself with nude photos. I dived into the local conversation. And day by day, I’d take a moment to read about it, in books, online. 
I think because I always kept the door open to learn, that eventually it became second nature to me. I felt okay being this weird mix of Daddy / Master / Primal.
Even though that’s my story and everyone is different, I feel like the keeping the door open notion is useful. Don’t run from it, keep one foot in the door and one foot in your comfort zone until you are ready to take a wander through entirely.
What we feel, who we are, is natural. It’s what makes us beautiful. Whether you’re interested in bestiality, like an old friend of mine once was, or whether you’re laying in bed married but out of sorts with your spouse. 
The first step is admitting these thoughts are okay. Are your own. The next step is up to you. You might fall or stumble but you’re stronger then you realise. You’ll be okay.
If you need help taking that initial step, if you want to run by a desire just to hear someone else let you know it’s perfectly fine, if you are confused, whatever the reason, you’re not alone. My email – my door – is always open.
Don’t be afraid to step through. 

Playing With Fire: A Daddy Dom Ramble


I’ve had a few drafts of what I want to say. I can’t figure out how to be precise with my words here. So expect some free form stream of consciousness.
I watched this show where a teenage girl was hovering her hand over an open flame, admittedly been through a lot, not to mention being a teenager in the first place. And my mind jumped to so many different tangents with the image. Experimenting with pain, sexual

Identity. Guidance. 
It kicked off this whole train of thought that is current doing the round. Which led me to writing it down here. 
I’m a Daddy. This much is true, whether it’s sexual or instinctive. Or darker. 

And I’m of two minds – one half trying to comfort this teenage girl while the other half helping her to experiment. Because experimentation, under watch, can be rewarding. So maybe my hand on hers, feeling the slight burn. No going back. Showing her that there is this whole side of things that you can practice as a form of therapy, if controlled in a healthy environment. 
And I’m not too sure why. 

I often wrestle with my animalistic impulses. I’ll shy away from the absurd because a handful of people understand and the rest don’t. 
I think the reason why this show has sparked feeling with me is partly because I was that experimental teen, dealing with pain – unhealthily at first. So when I see a teenager, male or female, struggling, I become that surrogate Daddy. Whether they like it or not. Because I can’t help it. And because my heart is too deep, or so they tell me. 
When I was first fully exploring my Dominant side, I met a teenage girl through Whisper going through a really rough time. I was 26 at the time. And she was flirtatious and sent nudes randomly. And I understood why. Or partly understood. 

I didn’t act. I didn’t want to. She was certainly attractive. Legal, if you’re mind is going there. But I could feel she was trying to justify something, her worth, herself, anything. And so I talked to her, told her politely as I could that the nude photo wasn’t necessary. 
And I don’t know why or how I came to it, but I saw her as a little sister. And whenever she texted me to vent, I would listen. Whenever she called, I would listen. 
And eventually, she stopped calling. We stopped talking, I didn’t bother her. I get it into my head I’m annoying – and a part of me felt guilty about the fact that I was even talking to her, because age. 
And age is weird. When my kitten was 16-17, I was 21. And I wouldn’t dream of dating her then….but now, it’s okay. Our minds are weird. Human, I guess. 
So when I see a teen or hear of a teen struggling, I see myself. I’m instantly transported to my days of discovery. And I guess that sparks on a transformation into a Daddy.
And I’m writing this all out because I feel like it needs to be said. I feel like there’s this sort of creep factor or age barrier that comes with the Daddy Dominant that misconstrues meaning. And I feel, a lot of the time, there’s a younger audience to my blog that needs to talk about something to a random who doesn’t know their friends or family. Who needs to hear they’re okay to experiment. 
Just like sometimes I need someone to tell me: it’s okay to feel like this. It’s an instinctual thing. You’re not a fucking creep. Even though, through writing this, I kinda feel like I am, you know?
So: the image of this girl testing the flame. It made me think of myself, it made me want to guide her, tell her things are okay. It made me want to walk the path with he while she opens the doors to discovery and sexual identity. 
This may be an 18+ blog, with mature themes, but I’d never turn anyone under 18 away. Because that person was once me. 

Confronting Your Inner Anxious Thoughts

I write now to both the Dominant and submissive’s of the world that happen across my blog from where they sit.

Approaching BDSM and discovering this new side of yourself can be daunting. Especially when you look around and see nothing but people who have been learning for years and you’ve got nothing on them. 

The truth is, they’ve all started somewhere and now it’s your time. Don’t focus on their story, focus on what yours is. What interests you? What do you want? What creeps into your mind as you fall asleep at night? What are you really scared of?

If you find yourself here and wondering what to do next with the information you’ve found, I’ll tell you.
The answer is: Find a quiet place, be still and pay attention to what your mind says to you. Resisting is kind of in our system. That fight or flight response? Yeah it’s a pain but it’s part of our make up. Resist it. 

The best advice I can give, just between you and me, is not shy away from what you feel. That leads to anger and pain and sorrow. 
Yes, approaching these topics and finding out your kinks can be terrifying. I know I thought about people finding out, about whether I was a freak or insane, but the truth is that you’re absolutely not. The truth is that people like you are all around. They walk among you.
Do you have a favourite place you like to sit? Go there. A favourite sound? Play it on your phone. If you panic, regulate your breathing till it’s calm. If you feel up to it, research your interests in the lifestyle. It’s how any of us ever learn. You’ll be okay. I promise. 
I used to sit on the outside of this world, wondering where I fit in. There were all these terms, primal, Daddy, – dynamics I couldn’t grasp. And day by day, I just challenged myself. 

I must’ve cancelled my Fet account five times before I decided, you know what, I’m going to try. I’m gunna join a group, post a nude, I’m going to break out of this funk. 
You don’t have to do THAT but what I want you to do is not hide anymore. You have a scary thought? Stare it down. Challenge it’s logic. You owe it to yourself! Because you know what, you’ll overcome that and be all the stronger for it. 
This is who you are. People will accept you and love you for it. You’re here on my blog, I’m telling you this, that’s one out of many examples to come in your journey. Don’t let up. 

Introduction to BDSM


WHAT IS BDSM?

So you’ve decided to explore the world of BDSM and somehow you’ve ended up here in the dark corners of the Internet! Welcome! Pull up a chair. We’ve got some things to discuss.

By choosing to explore this, you’ve taken a step into the realm of BDSM, a place where Dominants and submissive’s and switch’s dwell. But where do you begin? Where to even start thinking? 
BDSM stands for 
Bondage
Discipline / Dominance

Submission / Sadism

Masochism

The fundamentals of which involve the interaction between a Dominant and submissive. These interactions can be entirely physical (Bondage, spanking, choking) or entirely psychological (Degradation, humiliation, scene play). The type of interaction will depend on whether kink aligns or whether exploration of kink comes into play. This is purely subjective. 
Within the Dominant and submissive are different dynamics. The Daddy / little girl, the Master / slave are an example of this. These are variations of the core idea of a submissive and Dominant that can shape a relationship. 
So are you a submissive or a Dominant? If you are here reading this, chances are you have an idea of which you fall into. Maybe you have a bit of both personalities rolled up into that beautiful mind of yours! 
In any case, I have some textbook reading for you to research, you’ll find them below!
UNDERSTANDING BDSM

There’s a misconception that people into BDSM are freaky. Maybe you’ve heard it from family in passing, maybe you’re worried you are a freak. The truth of the matter is that you and people like you are intelligent, in tune with something deeply intimate and erotic.

BDSM is about Trust first and foremost.

The submissive gives it to the Dominant and the Dominant cares for, nurtures and protects the submissive. In turn, the submissive trusts that the Dominant will respect their boundaries, which is where a ‘safe word’ comes into play. 

You may also think of BDSM and think something along the lines of a dungeon and while there are places / rooms like that, the only dungeon you really need is that dirty mind of yours. BDSM is largely psychological – you plan out with your partner, talk through your kinks, limits, methods, exploration. When you are in the middle of playing, there’s a deep level of intimacy connecting minds. This is called NEGOTIATING and it’s very important when establishing etiquette, rules and scenes.
Being such a sensitive topic, a fault can easily arise in a relationship if things are communicated clearly. 
THE SUBMISSIVE IS IN CHARGE

Pretty much. While a Dominant’s role is to guide, care, nurture, protect the submissive, the submissive states the boundaries, limits and other such elements that they are not comfortable with.
There’s also the matter of the submissive choosing the Dominant as someone worthy to take her as a pet / slave / submissive. This should be remembered by all submissive’s. You hold the power. You are important. 
BDSM AND ABUSE

This unfortunately must be covered. Because the topic is sensitive and things might go unspoken, there’s always the risk of a Dominant abusing their power without the submissive realising, just like the submissive might get away with too much because they might see that Dominant as easily persuaded. 
I think this can be negated by establishing limits, ideals and so forth and by communicating errors / other such ideas that you feel affects you.

As I say to my partner, if she has a problem with how a certain things are handled, she can raise it without fear of punishment. If she didn’t understand something, either I didn’t explain well or went back on an established rule or whatever the case may be. 

SSC (Safe. Sane. Consensual)

This one is super important, and one I’ll probably write a separate article on for good measure.

Just because a Dominant may be a Dominant does not grant them ability to walk over anyone, be it a submissive or another Dominant. And the same goes for the submissive. Respect each other and these three concepts.

SAFE:

Whatever the scene is, run it by each other for good measure. Check it again and any problems that may hurt physically or psychologically. Double check it. Check the environments, the setting, the materials used. Make sure everything is safe. Make sure medical conditions, again – physical or mental, don’t become hurt in the process. 

SANE: 

You don’t get to manipulate anyone. Everything is agreed upon. Don’t go beyond the rules because you think ‘You can’. Nope. Not on. Always discuss what you want to do, always discuss exploration. Because the Dom gives to the submissive – and vice versa, doesn’t mean one or the other has the right to exploit. There are morals at play. That and we are human. Be mindful at all times.

CONSENSUAL:

All activities should be fully approved by all parties engages within the activity. There must be no room for doubt. Every thing is under simulation unless discussed in a contract or otherwise. Don’t break limits or respects or promises. BE careful. 

In Conclusion…
Are you with me still? I sure hope so. It can be daunting learning all this but turning away from it will never set you free. One day at a time, one day step at a time. With time comes understanding, with understanding comes peace. 
The world of BDSM is a deeply sensual and beautiful place. That you are here reading this should be a time for exploration, celebration and merriment. I hope to hear from you!
FURTHER READING
1. SM101 by Jay Wiseman

2. Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns by Phillip Miller & Molly Devon

3. The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren

4. Conquer me by Kacie Cunningham

Why do I mentor?


I wanted to talk about why I mentor. 
Some people here want to get more inside my head and mentoring, I think, is a key concept to me because it’s a representation of the things I want to achieve in my blog. 
So what does it consist of? 
I spent a long time fighting myself when I realised I shouldn’t have to. It’s why I mentor. 
Mentoring, for those just joining my blog, means for me to work one on one with you in a way that promotes healthy living, growth and self loving. I will teach you what I know in an environment where you can feel at ease and comfortable. It can be done face to face but as most of it is exercises and a lot of talking, online works as well. 

During my time mentoring a person, they will learn about
– etiquette in the lifestyle
– Rules and regulations 

– The different concepts of BDSM

– Pushing beyond any barriers

Additionally, I focus on any fear they have, or insecurity they are dealing with and ways in which they can combat this to feel a little bit more at ease.
It’s important to feel strength, it’s important to feel powerful and in control. And where needed, I help to find out the answers for this person, find where I’m needed.
What’s in it for you?
I get to help. You have no idea how much that’s satisfying for me. 
Just knowing that I’m helping somebody wake up and fight through the muck is incredible. That and I love being teacher. I live to educate. There’s always a sense of longing there.
Do you help both men and women?

Yes I do. There are differences to be addressed among both sexes and I offer my help to all. All I ask of them first is that they approach the idea with an open mind. 
Some people get shy. Some might want to come forth but change their minds at the last second. If you’re reading this and you are that person, I want to implore you to come forth. All are welcome, there is no judgement and there certainly wouldn’t be any imposing on me or bugging me. Remember: I want to help.
The last thing I want to say is this: I don’t know how good I could possibly be. I’m no trained psychiatrist. I just help where you want me to and where I can. 
Any further questions?

You can’t help everyone

After starting this blog, I’ve had the great pleasure of meeting people from all over and having the honour of sharing their intimate life in the hopes that me – some lowly writer in Australia – can help them. And so I do my best.

Others approach me from their corner of the world, scared, insecure, distrustful – whatever their unique case my be. And so I do my best to inform that, yeah,¬†what they’re feeling is perfectly natural. It’s okay.

But sometimes that distrust is too strong to shake and these beautiful people, they terminate the conversation.

I understand this. I was once like them, alone, scared and confused – wishing I could make sense of it. Hell, a few times I hoped it would go away. Maybe you can run from it a while but sooner or later, it catches up to you. It always does.

One thing I tell myself is: Not to be aggressive with it. A lengthy vanilla relationship I was in for the better part of my twenties taught me to be open and forward with people. I forget sometimes that not everyone is accepting of this. So as much as you may see me telling others that it’s okay to come forward, I try not to be repetitive with it.

In the end, people have their paths to take. I had to go alone, unfortunately. Maybe we all do. But maybe that is the way all along and my ‘help’ is futile. I don’t know.

The point is: You can’t help everyone. Some people need to crawl before they can walk. I wish I could carry them. I probably would till my body gave way. But anyway. This is my early morning mindset.

 

Sometimes…

  

Sometimes, we take our life for granted. We don’t always sit back in our couch and think back to less fortunate. Or perhaps we rule / are ruled and live in a society of friends / maybe even family that accept our BDSM Nature where there are those who struggle to fit in. 

I wish I could help everyone. I’d probably exhaust myself if I could but I can’t. Not entirely. 

So indulge me. If I may, I want to instruct you all.

The next time you find yourself nude – bath, shower, outdoors, indoors, wherever whenever – I want you to raise your hands as far as you can. Stretch them out high. Think on your freedom, embrace it, yell with it. I mean, really yell. Seize the moment. Because there you are: free, in the moment and alive. 

If you do do this, I sure hope you write to me about it and tell me how you felt. I hope you don’t feel silly. I hope you feel alive.