Something that I’ve been meaning to sit down and write about for a while is addressing newcomers on their one-foot-in-the-world of D/s dynamics and BDSM.
The common fear being addressed, that I’ve ever stumbled across in Wikis or have heard directly are misconceptions relating to BDSM or a specific dynamic.
I know there’s a misconception that all people involved in BDSM are strange gothic creatures, the type you may meet in a Marilyn Manson music video.
But it’s wrong.
The people you will find interested in BDSM or a D/s relationship are normal, small-country town people. They could be your doctor or the clerk at the mall or the guy who rips your ticket at the cinema.
Yes, there are people who take it to extreme measures. But extreme measures can be found anywhere. Look at Comic-Con or animal lovers or healthy folk. The point is, extremes generally depend on the individual.
It’s Not Just About Sex
Sure, a large component about it IS sex, but that’s not all a D/s relationship is comprised of.
If we are open minded about the process, we can find great beauty in the mix, as well as understanding, patience and grace.
A D/s relationship can involve the most beautiful quiet moments, a magnificent level of trust, a connection so rich or even profound that it enriches anything else the couple interacts with.
I once spoke to a woman who was interested in the Daddy / little girl lifestyle but didn’t want to be associated with what she believed was the true nature of the relationship – the incestuous sex play.
The problem here was the misconception was shaping her view on it and D/s relationships in general because she must’ve seen a meme or read an article or heard something that misunderstood reasoning.
I had to say. No. A Daddy / little girl relationship, while yes – can include any incestuous roleplay – is primarily about the interaction between a Dominant and a submissive on a very gut level, almost primal, instinct.
It’s How You Feel
While it’s fantastic to read up on differing dynamics and what they mean – this can help iron out some knots in your mind – don’t view it as a strict definition of who you are as a person, because that can change.
Find what suits you best. Adapt. Customise. Change. Make it personal to fit yourself or who you are, because you need to be happy with that person.
And should there come a day where change is terrifying, remember – it’s okay to navigate new areas. One day I woke up and realised that, after all, there was a side to my personality I likened to that of a Master. I’m not strictly a Master, I’m a weird sort of a hybrid. And yeah, I copped flak from other Dominants due to their own perceived definitions, but you’ve got to make yourself happy. You’ve got to lead your own path.
Don’t Be Scared
You’re not going to lose yourself in the process of learning new things about yourself. Just try and think of it as going back to school, learning new units. I guarantee you that you’ll still be your old self, just maybe new and improved.
It may be scary to start a new main quest. It may feel like you’ll need to readjust your whole way of thinking. You may feel shame and fear and guilt, but in time that will pass..