Displaced In Time: Musing On The 1950s Household in D/s

I’ve always had a fascination with the concepts of the 1950s household and how it relates to BDSM and the D/s relationship.

I’ve always had a fascination with the 1950s itself – the music, the fashion, the cars, the movies (give me a B movie or an old fashioned suspense thriller anytime) and the relationships between men and women behind closed doors. What facades did they present to society? What did they hide behind closed doors?

I’ve copped criticism from some people within the community for my interest in the 1950s household / power exchange D/s relationship – mostly because of what came with the 1950s – sexism, bigotry, abuse – so I’ve strayed from talking about it. But you see, I’ve started to realise two things – 1, never let someone criticise you unfairly and 2, if two people in a D/s relationship agree to a TPE in the context of a 1950s household, they shouldn’t be shamed for it. Agree to disagree, all that jazz.

The idea of a 1950s household can be separated into two different aspects – the look of the age – clothing, old sitcoms, vintage furniture – to the feel of the age – dinners at the table, a man holding the door open for a lady, etiquette and discipline and structure.

I don’t think the aim of it is to take it back to the reality of the 1950s but more capture that longing in your bones for what it represented – like innocence, love and simplicity.

And I think, for me, that’s what appeals to my soul personally – a sense of joy and wonder and a love that runs deep for the aesthetic and mood. I often feel like I’ve been displaced in time so this is a warm concept to me.

As a dominant, it’s enticing to think of a submissive woman in this period and the different sides of her life. The different sides of her mind. It’s a beautiful, thrilling thing to earn the trust of someone and see a side that few see. It’s sexy, even, to think on ALL that that includes. From mannerisms to personality to desires.

I would love to write a multi-arc story about a couple exploring the dynamic, as a period piece. It would be fascinating for me to write and research.

November AMA!

I’ve had a lot of questions come my way of late so I figured I’d post some of them here!

As always, if you have any questions, you are more than welcome to get in touch!

On Writing

Do you write in one go or over the course of a long period of time, returning to it?

Sometimes I’ll write in one go. I’ve written stories for the blog like that. They’ll come to me out of nowhere and I’ll write them in one sitting – but if they’re bigger, I’ll break it off in chunks and spread them out over the week. Sometimes even longer.

I usually aim for 2,000 words a day. I’ll write more if I get lost in the story but I aim for 2k, knowing that I can stop there if I’m feeling drained and I can still feel like I have accomplished something in the day.

Do you take notes first or make a structure or do you just sit down to write and see what happens?

I take a tonne of notes – things that never even make the final story. It’s weird because I’ll plan out the setting like I’m building a house. So – say I have a scene with two characters living in an apartment, right? I’ll design the floor plan of the house – in my head, not in actuality – so I have a mental guide I can flesh out and narrate.

I also sketch out profiles on characters – their flaws, backstories, tastes, favourite novels. Even if it doesn’t get in there, it helps me build a character as I write the story.

I usually plan out a draft structure for chapters – but only the basic bullet points for what I want to hit. I like to freeform write so I leave s little room for spontaneous writing where voices and ideas come to me that I never planned for but let them breathe anyway.

Do you edit lots?

I try to. It’s a sin that I don’t do it enough. There is so much I read to proofread on the blog but there’s so also so much that escapes my busy eye so easily! It’s crazy.

So I apologise if I piss off some of you.

How much of what you write sees the light of day?

Hmmmm. More then 50%, I know that much.

There’s a lot that I put onto the blog, that are my genuine, raw fantasies unprocessed – but then some get drafted on my phone that I feel are too weird or too dark or even too personal.

I sometimes get worried I’ll go too far or I’ll sound too weird or mopey and I just leave it to sit on my phone. Case in point – the story about a teenage girl walking home from a party and being sexually assaulted by a possessed tree.

But I’ve also written this really vulnerable thing during an anxiety attack that I never posted because there’s always a fear of rejection I guess.

How do you write in terms of surroundings? music? place? time of day? do you write alone?

I have to write alone. In complete silence. I need to be able to transport my mind to the scene so I can see and hear and taste and all of those other weird writer things. Generally, though, I write for the blog during the night or curled up in bed naked.

Writing naked is therapeutic in a way and makes me feel comfortable and liberated enough to write freely. If that makes sense.

Sometimes I’ll write curled up in bed, if it’s a rainy day and the rain is pelting down on the window. It really sets the mood and charges me.

What is your most common source of inspiration? books, movies, music, daily life, dreams? people watching at the supermarket?

I would say my most common source is my dreams, followed my daily life. I have a lot of weird sexual dreams where I can feel every minute detail so intensely. Like, I can feel how hard I am, how wet this made up woman (or my kitten) is , I can sense my orgasm. Sometimes I even come – the point is, it’s very vivid and detailed. And weird.

But it’s not just dreaming, I gather inspiration from everywhere – the way my kitten has this foxy, babydoll look in her eye, a scene in a horror where a woman is skinny dipping. Hell, I remember writing about a submissive Japanese woman who fought back against conventions to be a samurai. I had her whole backstory fleshed out, did my research a bit, before I felt I couldn’t do it. But that just came from my interest in ancient Japanese history. And samurai cinema, of course. Ahem.

On Dominance

If you could only element of the lifestyle, what would you choose? The sexual or the non sexual?

It would definitely be the non-sexual because I find those tiny details endlessly fascinating. When I think about what I enjoy as a dominant and what calls to me, it’s the little soulful interactions like setting creative tasks or deep, meaningful conversation that fulfil me.

Come to think of it, the non-sexual parts were what largely interested in me the more I read up on BDSM and D/s. I was always curious about the sexual parts but what drew me in was the aspects that make up the dynamic in a non sexual way.

What are your favourite non sexual parts of the dynamic?

Being soulful with one another, you know? The little moments like that. Organising structure and protocol and setting tasks like kneeling before bed and asking the dominant if they can share the bed – or picking out outfits she’ll wear together. Little psychological interactions like that.

Are you able to differentiate between sexual and non-sexual or do they bleed together sometimes?

Oh they definitely have the chance to bleed together, depending on context. But yeah, a big part of what I ‘chased’ when I was learning to be dominant was the non-sexual side of the dynamic. To me, that’s what I was feeling in the pit of my stomach – the call for control of that structure and mind of another. That’s what stood out. So I learnt backwards, I guess? Or rather just learnt of the non sexual interactions first because I was intrigued by the psychology behind it.

Does it bother you to admit weakness?

Sometimes! If I’m particularly anxious, I will ruminate on what I think are my weaknesses, like weird social personality or my inability to properly express myself or just how absent minded I can be.

I’m getting better at slowly accepting that this is who I am, but some days it’ll hit me harder than others.

I’m Just A Geeky Dominant

When I’m talking to people from the lifestyle and something comes up, like music or tv or an upcoming Disney film, they seem surprised that I’m that excited about, say, the upcoming Frozen II – which I’m FREAKING excited for. But anyway.

I guess there’s still a bit of a myth about dominants out there, that they’re all serious and adult and dark and mysterious. Although I’ve been called all of those things at one point or another in my life, I’m also a huge geek.

So I wanted to just – basically – pull back the curtain – for those curious – and geek out with you all, on this fine sunny Melbourne day, about my interests.

So, if you were to walk into my house, the first thing you’d notice was my collection of pop vinyls. Yes, I’m one of those people. I have them on my bookshelves and across my entertainment unit. I collect Disney villains, other such Disney characters from my favourite films and a long line of horror villains guarding my horror DVDs.

Why do I collect them? They’re little (and affordable!) reminders of the stories that inspire me and drive me forward. They’re reminders to not lose sight of that side of myself in the daily grind that is adult life.

It helps that, on top of one shelf, I have Ripley in the Power Loader facing off against the Queen Alien – both from NECA, how I love thee.

Beyond those, I’m an avid gamer. I own a PS4, Xbox One and Nintendo Switch and when I’m not working on a new project or writing, you can find me gaming. RPGs, Horror games – I love them all. I love storytelling across all mediums and I love looking at aspects like voice acting or motion capture or the presentation of the game itself.

Some of it has a way of getting under your skin and getting you to confront your beliefs in a way that’s really creative and exciting to me. How I find time to do these things, well, I have no idea. For someone that thinks they suck at time management, I seem to be doing okay.

Beyond gaming, I’m a huge movie buff. I love my horror, psychological dramas, science fiction and yes, Disney movies. Some of my favourite films are Eyes Wide Shut, Rear Window, The Hunchback of Notre Dame and Once Upon A Time In The West.

I’m a ferocious reader as well, reading anything from pulpy horror to epic fantasy. I’m also one of those readers who buys new books while in the middle of reading one! I’m terrible. I have a pile – no joke, a literal pile – in my study of books just waiting for me. Margaret Atwood’s sequel to The Handmaid’s Tale, Stephen King’s latest and the list goes on.

I’m a bit of DC comics fan as well. I once bought my kitten panties with seperate prints for The Riddler, Poison Ivy and The Joker. We’re both DC fans here so she didn’t seem to mind!

I could go on and on, such is my rambling nature, but I’ll stop there for the time being. I have to go buy Frozen II tickets and – since l will have no one that wants to go with me – contemplate whether I should go on my own.

What Is A BDSM Mentor?

I’ve spoken about acting as a mentor to people in the past but I don’t believe I touched on just what exactly is a Mentor in the context of the BDSM lifestyle.

As I’ve been doing some reflecting lately on it, I thought I’d go into detail about the role.

A BDSM Mentor is someone that has been in the lifestyle long enough themselves that they have experience and a good understanding of the differing aspects of the lifestyle, enough so that they can act as support and guidance needed to newcomers to BDSM and a D/s lifestyle.

There needs to be a solid foundation for a mentor and the newcomer’s interactions though. Forging trust between one another is paramount, as is genuine friendship. You’ll be working together and, depending on the individual, maybe even on sensitive, intimate aspects. So establishing a mutual level of trust and bond is absolutely necessary.

For example, I’ve always said to anyone, that writes in to me intrigued about a mentoring, whether by me or otherwise, to take the time and think about it. Take the time to get to know the mentor and see if they are best person for the job.

A BDSM Mentor should be in a strictly non-sexual role with the person being mentored. If it goes beyond that, either you or your mentor are looking for entirely different things and should either reflect together or apart.

I’m sure there are people who evolve from a Mentor / Mentored to genuine play – and maybe that’s what they want and that’s fine – but for the most part, a BDSM Mentor should be in that strictly non-sexual role.

They don’t own the Mentored, they can’t set protocols or rules or structures or punishments. They shouldn’t be teaching how to be like them specifically but more helping the individual be who they want to be.

Okay, but what does a BDSM Mentor actually do?

In my experience, being a mentor to a newcomer has involved listening to their needs and wants and guiding them accordingly.

Sometimes it’s just a matter of having that line of communication open, sometimes it’s listening about their relationship or their thoughts and helping them make sense of it, sometimes it’s just answering any questions they have about the lifestyle.

Me, personally, I like establishing a level of trust and comfort so that when or if they feel like asking me anything, they can stop in the middle of their day – to ask or vent or simply just talk out their feelings.

Some people need support and structure in their lives – I helped someone I Mentored get to the gym more, while I helped another organise their day in a way that she always wanted to but struggled to.

Setting tasks for the individual to reflect upon, offering resources like non-fiction books and just giving your time and patience – that’s what a mentor does.

Is a mentor needed for a successful D/s or BDSM relationship?

Absolutely not. I never had one. Granted, I took the road less traveled and it took longer to get there, but I’d like to think of my own D/s relationship as successful.

Whether you want a mentor there to assist you, for as ever long as you want, is entirely up to your preference. Some prefer the community in whole, some thrive on a one-to-one basis. It really depends on your personal views.

Should a submissive find a submissive mentor and a dominant find a dominant mentor? Or can they cross?

It depends on personal preference. Though I’m sure a submissive mentor could impart knowledge that I couldn’t fathom, I think learning from both sides of the dynamic could be a fascinating and enlightening experience.

Some people prefer to work with someone of the same dynamic while others like to work with the opposite to gain some insight into the mind. I’m sure personal preference also plays a part.

In my experience as a mentor, I’ve mentored both dominant and submissive people and have enjoyed answering questions to both sides of the dynamic.

Do you still mentor?

I do! The door is always open for people of any background or nationality, if you think I’m the right person to help you. If so, I’m happy to chat with you for as long you want so you can feel comfortable with me and make sure you still want that line of dialogue to be open.

Take your time deciding what’s best for you. You have all the time in the world to learn or to build a friendship and trust with the person that you want to be mentored by. Follow your heart and soul and you’ll be perfectly fine.

In Which I’m Asked If I Have A Preference On Who I Discuss BDSM With

Today I was asked, by a newcomer to the world of BDSM, if I mainly liked to focus on people who wanted to be dominant or if I happily spoke to those interested in submission as well.

It’s such a good and important question that I wanted to share it here for anyone who was new but couldn’t find their voice to reach out on any of the communities.

Back in 2017 when I first thought I was educated enough in the lifestyle to actively mentor, I found a post out there in the internet which stated those who felt their dominance should speak to a dominant and those who felt their submission should speak to a submissive for their respective training.

And I agree to a certain extent. I simply cannot help when it comes to any deeper yearnings that a submissive may have because I don’t have those natural or developed instincts. I can relate through my own yearnings and I can identify – I can even help teach someone what I learned in a purely objective manner – but I don’t have that perspective of feeling and being submissive.

Beyond that, I think that it is useful to talk to both personalities – and different people – to see how different people think and approach the same concepts of Kink and BDSM. It’s endlessly fascinating.

I personally don’t have a preference when it comes to who I talk to or help out. Whether it’s a man or a woman I do not mind, nor am I put off by nationality or background and interests. My view is that I am happy to answer any questions. Some people want to ask me about my background, some people want to ask about my anxiety, some people just have questions about the lifestyle.

I look at it like this – I may not have all the answers and I may not be in tune with your personal preferences but I’ll help as much as I possibly can and I’d be happy to talk through your thoughts and feelings, as much as you are comfortable with. For some people, hell, for most, it’s not easy coming forward and talking openly. I understand that all too well and try to be there as much as I can until they feel a little more comfortable and can ask their questions.

I genuinely love helping or talking with both sides – though I do hear more from people who identify as submissive, I’m always down to talk to a person who wants to discuss how to be dominant in the bedroom or other such concepts of dominance as well – anything that lil’ ol’ me can help with.

50 MORE Things You (Probably) Didn’t Know About Me

When I did a ‘50 things you might not know about me’ people seemed to respond to it really well. Sometimes I even get questions in my email about who I am outside of Kink. Hopefully these help shed some light on that for any of you!

1. I’m currently naked right now.

2. Tall, Dark and Dominant isn’t just a tongue-in-cheek name for a blog, it’s also a vague description of my physical appearance and self.

3. The sub-heading ‘Inside the mind of a dominant male’ was the suggestion from a reader when I first began the blog. I liked it enough it’s been there ever since.

4. In my ‘50 things…’ post, I mentioned being an avid film buff and reader, but what do I enjoy watching and reading? I will read anything you recommend my way to give it a chance but my favourite genres are horror, epic fantasy and gothic fiction. The same could be translated into my film tastes!

5. I’m introverted. I live a quiet life working from home with my animal friends. To add to this, my lady is extroverted so that makes for challenging – but worthwhile – functions with friends and extended family.

6. I find certain atmospheres stimulate my brain and either make me incredibly hyper OR incredibly horny. So – a jazz bar in New Orleans, a small town carnival, late night shopping. Maybe I’m just a creature of the night. Huh.

7. Sometimes being primal can feel lonely, or maybe that’s a by-product of my depression. It’s a strange feeling that comes and go like the flows of life. It’s a strange thing.

8. Around 2017-2018, I spoke a lot about a desire to mentor and even offered that to anyone, explaining that it’s more of a lifeline to touch base and talk things over that they may not feel like they can to people around them.

9. The best thing about mentoring for me was that I could – for whatever reason – put the feelings of others into structure that made sense. I keep in touch with the people I’ve helped and am happy to hear from them about how they are finding things, while also answering anything they have to ask.

10. The worst thing about mentoring was my sense of persecution complex / imposter syndrome. Or that I was interfering with lives in a way I shouldn’t. It’s why I stopped for the longest while.

11. My favourite colours change on my mood. I like a deep red and a deep blue but I also tend to feed off of purple and emerald. Not to mention the shade of black.

12. I almost drowned at two seperate times in my life.

13. Speaking of 13, I’m superstitious with a lot of things. I make sure I’m in bed before 3am, the witching hour. I try not to walk under ladders.

14. I challenge my sense of low self-esteem by taking nudes. That’s actually how I became comfortable with being on Fetlife – by putting myself out there and embracing the more wild side of myself.

15. I’m still a little shy at moaning, until I get carried away and my primal self comes out.

16. If you were to open my Spotify right now, you’d find a mix of heavy metal, jazz, ambient jams and 80s glam rock.

17. Inspiration strikes me in the strangest moments – through a sexy nightmare, through watching movie of a woman skinny dipping.

18. I like to write erotica that’s explicit in its vulgarity and confronting – to me, anyway – in how it explores the mind of its characters. My main hope is, if it isn’t at least engaging and thoughtful, it will be sexy still in some way.

19. Speaking of 80s glam rock, I once did a strip tease to a Guns N’ Roses song.

20. I’ve spent literal years challenging myself to be outspoken and not painfully shy to the point that some misconstrue me as cocky or overly boisterous.

21. I come from a musical family. Originally I wanted to play the saxophone but I went into piano because I wanted to learn Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D Minor. How I discovered that piece, no idea. I WANT to say an old universal horror movie but I can’t say. Anyway, I got as far as learning the entirety of Toccata and the first few minutes of Fugue before I got distracted by highschool. I still remember the part of the piece I learnt but have yet to get around to learning the entire 8ish minutes.

22. But yes I listen to classical music. Bach, Beethoven and Mozart are my favourites. I love the expression of mood and how grandiose they made music feel.

23. Moonlight Sonata, Requiem and Clair De Lune are up there among my favorite pieces. They probably will give you an idea about my tastes and moods too.

24. I support the Chicago Bears in the NFL.

25. If I could have any super power, it’d be really hard to resist the idea of flying but I think I’d go invisible. And be a terrible voyeur.

26. I love licorice Icecream. No one has yet to agree with me on that one. Huh.

27. I really love helping people. I hate the idea of anyone feeling alone and frightened and like they’re the only one who feels the way they do and, as crazy as it sounds, I would talk to that person as long as they need to. I still have to tell some who approach me personally to please don’t apologise for asking a question. I understand that feeling all too well.

28. I applied to university for the one course each year for three years before they let me in. Four years later I graduated from that university.

29. While thinking of something for 29, I got sidetracked by the idea of a submissive tied to a table while a sybian relentlessly assaulted their pussy.

30. I always enjoy meeting new people who I come across through my blog.

31. Though I ALWAYS fear I will just keep talking and piss them off.

32. My favorite pair of underwear for myself is a vintage-styled Mickey Mouse artwork piece.

33. BDSM can calm my soul at times.

34. I am still a painfully shy Dominant. I love to cum on my lady’s tits but I’ll wrestle with some self-loathing on my not-so-great days.

35.One of my favorite animals is an anteater.

36. I dream intensely, in many colors and genres – Sex dreams are visceral and breath-taking, nightmares wake me up yelling at things and weird dreams inspire my writings.

37. I’m teaching myself Spanish, slowly but surely. I converse in a clunky manner but early days.

38. I love Mexican culture – the food, the sights, the music and I’m partial to the men and women from there. I’m secretly hoping to meet a Mexican reader one day and yes, I realize that sounds weird.

39. I go through different phases where I really want to learn about something – American politics, The Peloponnesian War, Henry James’ entire bibliography, small town football in America, the mind of someone in the BDSM lifestyle – let alone the mind of someone at all.

40. I still haven’t gone to any munch or kink function where I live, partly because anxiety, partly because there’s a weird aspect I sense of myself where I’m private and shy and socially awkward but also just more of a quiet loner.

41. I live in suburbia, which sometimes makes the primal in me very frustrated. I often want to strip down naked and go for heart-pounding runs but I can’t.

42. My spirit animal is either a bear or a sloth. My lady says Bear because I scratch myself against sharp corners of the house, roam cupboards for food and generally like to nap.

43. I really need to get better at exercising.

44. You’ll never bother me if you ever want to write in to me – to shoot the shit, to ask a question, whatever the case may be. For some, even me, It’s hard to get to a place where you’re comfortable expressing to a stranger, but the offer is always there for anyone. I promise and beseech you if it ever gets tough.

45. The show I’m currently watching on Netflix is The Dark Crystal / The Good Place / Riverdale.

46. I like to bite certain people.

47. When I was eight, my teacher complained that I wasn’t paying attention in class because I was too busy writing stories. And here I am.

48. To this day, I am in complete shock at my life. I don’t understand how I won over a beautiful lady, let alone a submissive lady in sync with my mind, I don’t understand how you readers really enjoy my work, I’m still in shock people write in from time to time for whatever reason. I feel like my life has been the biggest fluke – but…I’ll never stop giving my thanks and doing my part back to the universe.

49. I used to get up at the crack of dawn as a small kid to watch my favourite animated movies.

50. I kinda wish I was more talented with a camera so I could collaborate with minds to take some beautiful erotic / bdsm photos. The conservative catholic in me feels really guilty about that at times but I keep thinking how beautiful would it be to work creatively with someone else’s mind on a concept that could be vintage or fantastical or epic or romantic. But then I realise that’s a dream for an alternate reality me.

Thank You

I just checked my stats now and to my surprise I’ve hit 1000 followers – which is absolutely insane to think of. 1000 people. I was blown away with 1 person but 1000?

It means the world to me that my words have been able to connect with people, either to help or to meditate on their life or to arouse. Never in a million years, did I think anyone would be interested in what I had to share – or that I’d find lovely people to communicate with to make my world a little less lonely – it still floors me that someone thanks me for something so THANK YOU – for reading my writings, for reaching out and saying hello, for any critical conversations, for challenging my perceptions as a human being and as a dominant. Thank you!

To anyone I haven’t had the pleasure talking to, know that you are always welcome to write in to me, no matter the topic. My email or twitter DM is always open, you never have to feel insecure or inexperienced or silly around me, no matter age or nationality or language barrier. You’re always welcome!

But yeah, don’t congratulate me! This isn’t me fishing for praise. This is me expressing my dumbfounded gratitude at those that find me worthy of a follow. I know I’ve been writing slower this year so I hope you stick with me. I always have something dark and kinky around the corner!