On My Mental Health & Nudity

Getting naked and being naked was a part of my journey into becoming more at ease with my sexuality. It was another piece of the puzzle in learning how to hold on to that confidence for myself. It was about learning to rewire my thoughts so I can learn to overcome my insecurity.

I can’t really put my finger on why that it is. Maybe it was because I spent my childhood on acres of bush land and developed a primal way to living. Maybe it was because I was raised in a conservative catholic household and nudity carried with it a sense of exhilaration, of something I shouldn’t be doing but am getting away with – something I still feel and know that others still feel in their own exhibitionist explorations.

Nudity was more than that though. It allowed me to confront my own sexuality and my own thoughts on kink and BDSM. It felt like a scalding shower, like I was stripping away the bullshit and there was nothing left but my vulnerable mind, raw and reeling.

I know being comfortable with my nudity was a turning point for me. I took nude selfies on Fetlife, challenging my perceptions. It helped that randoms found these photos and responded to him positively – but I feel that the real hurdle was just putting them online, of taking that dangerous leap into the unknown. Because the unknown is terrifying when we stare back into it, until we start to inch forward day by day – or even take that plunge.

Nudity allowed me to be in touch with all sorts of animalistic thoughts, some born from the exhilaration buzzing through me, some bubbling to the surface. By stripping away my clothes, I felt this weird sense of being in communion with the world around me. I felt positively charged. I felt good about exploring my racing thoughts as I was naked because I learned to sit with them. Day by day, I sat with them for a few minutes in a hour. Then I did that again the next day.

I resisted it in the beginning, feeling guilty and gross and nauseated. I felt that I wanted to hide away. But in the end, long story short and after much resistance and baby steps, I pieced together how I felt, thereby confronting my own insecurities.

When a new dominant or submissive writes in to me and asks about the ways in which they can confront their own feelings, I often recommend a period of reflection in the nude. As a mentor, I’ve recommended what has worked for me. And sometimes it helps or feels worthwhile for the individual, sometimes it doesn’t work at all. Everyone is different.

For me, growing at ease with myself and learning how to own this insecurity within myself meant coming to terms with the shape of my body. There’s a lot of things connected to nudity for me – my animalism, my dominance, my comfort. It was all knitted together from childhood, left for me to examine years later.

These days, I still feel silly or shy, but these moments are fleeting. I know my mind now and diffusing negative thoughts has become a little easier.

Pent Up

Being at my folks for Christmas is a beautiful thing I’ll cherish forever, but being isolated in rural countryside is tapping into my animalistic spirit. I want to run, I need to run. It’s clawing at me. And I can’t help but claw at my kitten, only for her to behave, out of respect for my family and our thin walls around the bedroom we are staying in.

I’m looking forward to getting back to my own house and claiming my lady so hard to make up for all the lost time. I need to mark my territory, shoot my load all over till I’m spent. I can’t stand looking into her eyes, which flicker with submission, and being unable to take her.

Those big, beautiful blue eyes as she looks up at me. I know she feels it. I can sense that in her. I hope I make her as soaked at times as she makes me achingly hard.

The thing is, something stops me – from masturbating in the shower, from taking her. Is she daring me? Is she teasing me? Does she secretly want me to take control? I feel I know her tones by now but sometimes the animal in me wonders.

God, if it wasn’t so crowded, I would tear off my clothes and go running through the acres of land my parents have, panting, sweating, clawing, seething, growling. I want to peel those clothes off till I see your bare, pale ass, till I see the animal hidden underneath – the animal no one else knows. I want to lay you down on the grass and inhale your scent till the presence of me before your sensitive pussy lips can’t handle it anymore and starts to soak, starts to drip. I want to break through sense and reason and reality and take us beyond this world and into something and somewhere else. Ascension? An alternate reality? Take me, O take me fucking there, please gods and goddesses of the wild. I pledge to you my heart and mind and cock and body. I want to slide right into her without warning, to hear her gasp and squeak. To fill her like she hasn’t been filled before.

But. That will come. Time to wear my mask and be in plain sight hiding.

Waking From A Dream: On Becoming Dominant

Learning that I was dominant didn’t happen overnight, it happened over years – through dreams, moments in relationships and through interactions where a need for protocol or discipline or control would spill out into my conscious mind.

It’s hard to describe it and it’s even harder to write about it. Towards the end of an entirely vanilla relationship, in which I buried any interests in BDSM because I tried to put aside what I wanted for what I believed was love and the betterment of the relationship, it started to gnaw at me till there were cracks in my existence, till that dominant persona came clawing out of me, growling and seething and ravenous. I truly felt like I was mad, being torn between two worlds. I felt insane.

My biggest test was accepting that all these desires and dark sexual interests and everything remotely kinky was who I am. I had to sit with my thoughts and my desires and accept that this was my mind and that there was nothing at all wrong with that.

I had to reboot my mind. I had to trust my gut instinct. But more importantly, I had to learn how to differentiate between what I truly feel and what is irrational. Being primal helped me, I feel. I learned to sit with my feelings, let them slow cook. In time, what was false would fade and what was real lingered. I could just tell the difference somehow.

And learning this about myself felt like waking from a long slumber. Like I was waking from a dream. I felt giddy and liberated.

It’s such a crazy situation – because I hear of people, I know of people, that have their own reasons to deny their innermost thoughts and feelings for a life of comfort but who am I to tell them differently? Everybody moves at their own pace. Saying it’s not easy to take that plunge is an understatement. It’s fucking terrifying. I was paralysed with fear. I don’t even know why I did it. Only that I needed a push. But you can’t interfere with lives. You can only offer support.

If you’re like me, if you are feeling trapped or like you’re waking up to your dominant or submissive side, don’t be scared of your inner voice. Take baby steps in listening to it.

It takes time but you can learn to listen to all thoughts so that you can differentiate between irrational thoughts and the things you really want, your true desire. Don’t confuse one for the other, that’s the tricky part, but in time you will know in the pit of your gut what is right and what has been fear.

Remember this – what you want isn’t invalid. You’re not a freak or insane or crazy for your interests in kink or wanting to become submissive or dominant. Try not to run from that because you’ll either create a false, yet comfortable reality or it’ll become stronger the more you deny it.

Learning to be at ease with that part of myself has been one of the hardest challenges of my life. I had to come to grips with my insecurity, my anxiety and my low self-esteem to be able to embrace that side of myself. It wasn’t easy, some days I still struggle, but I’ve been able to challenge my perceptions on not only my life but my views on religion and life and society and relationships.

Displaced In Time: Musing On The 1950s Household in D/s

I’ve always had a fascination with the concepts of the 1950s household and how it relates to BDSM and the D/s relationship.

I’ve always had a fascination with the 1950s itself – the music, the fashion, the cars, the movies (give me a B movie or an old fashioned suspense thriller anytime) and the relationships between men and women behind closed doors. What facades did they present to society? What did they hide behind closed doors?

I’ve copped criticism from some people within the community for my interest in the 1950s household / power exchange D/s relationship – mostly because of what came with the 1950s – sexism, bigotry, abuse – so I’ve strayed from talking about it. But you see, I’ve started to realise two things – 1, never let someone criticise you unfairly and 2, if two people in a D/s relationship agree to a TPE in the context of a 1950s household, they shouldn’t be shamed for it. Agree to disagree, all that jazz.

The idea of a 1950s household can be separated into two different aspects – the look of the age – clothing, old sitcoms, vintage furniture – to the feel of the age – dinners at the table, a man holding the door open for a lady, etiquette and discipline and structure.

I don’t think the aim of it is to take it back to the reality of the 1950s but more capture that longing in your bones for what it represented – like innocence, love and simplicity.

And I think, for me, that’s what appeals to my soul personally – a sense of joy and wonder and a love that runs deep for the aesthetic and mood. I often feel like I’ve been displaced in time so this is a warm concept to me.

As a dominant, it’s enticing to think of a submissive woman in this period and the different sides of her life. The different sides of her mind. It’s a beautiful, thrilling thing to earn the trust of someone and see a side that few see. It’s sexy, even, to think on ALL that that includes. From mannerisms to personality to desires.

I would love to write a multi-arc story about a couple exploring the dynamic, as a period piece. It would be fascinating for me to write and research.

What Is A BDSM Mentor?

I’ve spoken about acting as a mentor to people in the past but I don’t believe I touched on just what exactly is a Mentor in the context of the BDSM lifestyle.

As I’ve been doing some reflecting lately on it, I thought I’d go into detail about the role.

A BDSM Mentor is someone that has been in the lifestyle long enough themselves that they have experience and a good understanding of the differing aspects of the lifestyle, enough so that they can act as support and guidance needed to newcomers to BDSM and a D/s lifestyle.

There needs to be a solid foundation for a mentor and the newcomer’s interactions though. Forging trust between one another is paramount, as is genuine friendship. You’ll be working together and, depending on the individual, maybe even on sensitive, intimate aspects. So establishing a mutual level of trust and bond is absolutely necessary.

For example, I’ve always said to anyone, that writes in to me intrigued about a mentoring, whether by me or otherwise, to take the time and think about it. Take the time to get to know the mentor and see if they are best person for the job.

A BDSM Mentor should be in a strictly non-sexual role with the person being mentored. If it goes beyond that, either you or your mentor are looking for entirely different things and should either reflect together or apart.

I’m sure there are people who evolve from a Mentor / Mentored to genuine play – and maybe that’s what they want and that’s fine – but for the most part, a BDSM Mentor should be in that strictly non-sexual role.

They don’t own the Mentored, they can’t set protocols or rules or structures or punishments. They shouldn’t be teaching how to be like them specifically but more helping the individual be who they want to be.

Okay, but what does a BDSM Mentor actually do?

In my experience, being a mentor to a newcomer has involved listening to their needs and wants and guiding them accordingly.

Sometimes it’s just a matter of having that line of communication open, sometimes it’s listening about their relationship or their thoughts and helping them make sense of it, sometimes it’s just answering any questions they have about the lifestyle.

Me, personally, I like establishing a level of trust and comfort so that when or if they feel like asking me anything, they can stop in the middle of their day – to ask or vent or simply just talk out their feelings.

Some people need support and structure in their lives – I helped someone I Mentored get to the gym more, while I helped another organise their day in a way that she always wanted to but struggled to.

Setting tasks for the individual to reflect upon, offering resources like non-fiction books and just giving your time and patience – that’s what a mentor does.

Is a mentor needed for a successful D/s or BDSM relationship?

Absolutely not. I never had one. Granted, I took the road less traveled and it took longer to get there, but I’d like to think of my own D/s relationship as successful.

Whether you want a mentor there to assist you, for as ever long as you want, is entirely up to your preference. Some prefer the community in whole, some thrive on a one-to-one basis. It really depends on your personal views.

Should a submissive find a submissive mentor and a dominant find a dominant mentor? Or can they cross?

It depends on personal preference. Though I’m sure a submissive mentor could impart knowledge that I couldn’t fathom, I think learning from both sides of the dynamic could be a fascinating and enlightening experience.

Some people prefer to work with someone of the same dynamic while others like to work with the opposite to gain some insight into the mind. I’m sure personal preference also plays a part.

In my experience as a mentor, I’ve mentored both dominant and submissive people and have enjoyed answering questions to both sides of the dynamic.

Do you still mentor?

I do! The door is always open for people of any background or nationality, if you think I’m the right person to help you. If so, I’m happy to chat with you for as long you want so you can feel comfortable with me and make sure you still want that line of dialogue to be open.

Take your time deciding what’s best for you. You have all the time in the world to learn or to build a friendship and trust with the person that you want to be mentored by. Follow your heart and soul and you’ll be perfectly fine.

In Which I’m Asked If I Have A Preference On Who I Discuss BDSM With

Today I was asked, by a newcomer to the world of BDSM, if I mainly liked to focus on people who wanted to be dominant or if I happily spoke to those interested in submission as well.

It’s such a good and important question that I wanted to share it here for anyone who was new but couldn’t find their voice to reach out on any of the communities.

Back in 2017 when I first thought I was educated enough in the lifestyle to actively mentor, I found a post out there in the internet which stated those who felt their dominance should speak to a dominant and those who felt their submission should speak to a submissive for their respective training.

And I agree to a certain extent. I simply cannot help when it comes to any deeper yearnings that a submissive may have because I don’t have those natural or developed instincts. I can relate through my own yearnings and I can identify – I can even help teach someone what I learned in a purely objective manner – but I don’t have that perspective of feeling and being submissive.

Beyond that, I think that it is useful to talk to both personalities – and different people – to see how different people think and approach the same concepts of Kink and BDSM. It’s endlessly fascinating.

I personally don’t have a preference when it comes to who I talk to or help out. Whether it’s a man or a woman I do not mind, nor am I put off by nationality or background and interests. My view is that I am happy to answer any questions. Some people want to ask me about my background, some people want to ask about my anxiety, some people just have questions about the lifestyle.

I look at it like this – I may not have all the answers and I may not be in tune with your personal preferences but I’ll help as much as I possibly can and I’d be happy to talk through your thoughts and feelings, as much as you are comfortable with. For some people, hell, for most, it’s not easy coming forward and talking openly. I understand that all too well and try to be there as much as I can until they feel a little more comfortable and can ask their questions.

I genuinely love helping or talking with both sides – though I do hear more from people who identify as submissive, I’m always down to talk to a person who wants to discuss how to be dominant in the bedroom or other such concepts of dominance as well – anything that lil’ ol’ me can help with.

Thank You

I just checked my stats now and to my surprise I’ve hit 1000 followers – which is absolutely insane to think of. 1000 people. I was blown away with 1 person but 1000?

It means the world to me that my words have been able to connect with people, either to help or to meditate on their life or to arouse. Never in a million years, did I think anyone would be interested in what I had to share – or that I’d find lovely people to communicate with to make my world a little less lonely – it still floors me that someone thanks me for something so THANK YOU – for reading my writings, for reaching out and saying hello, for any critical conversations, for challenging my perceptions as a human being and as a dominant. Thank you!

To anyone I haven’t had the pleasure talking to, know that you are always welcome to write in to me, no matter the topic. My email or twitter DM is always open, you never have to feel insecure or inexperienced or silly around me, no matter age or nationality or language barrier. You’re always welcome!

But yeah, don’t congratulate me! This isn’t me fishing for praise. This is me expressing my dumbfounded gratitude at those that find me worthy of a follow. I know I’ve been writing slower this year so I hope you stick with me. I always have something dark and kinky around the corner!