So hello: I’m into pet play.
It wasn’t always there. The primal came first, growling and spitting and grinning like a sadistic mad man for the thrill of the chase. But I realised through my affinity for nature and nudity and collars, I had an owner in me with the eagerness to connect to another likeminded animalistic soul.
Pet play, for those unfamiliar, is where a submissive adopts a beautiful animal persona – it could be one they feel drawn to on a spiritual level or one they want to roleplay as. This roleplay may involve collars, leashes, masks, crawling, leg humping and other characteristics of an animal. And all the while a Dominant becomes their owner. They can play fetch, they can wrestle, they can do what a pet and owner would like to do together. They lead the submissive. Punishes them or praises them. It’s kink wrapped up in roleplaying as the animal.
Sounds primal, right? Well, it is in a way. It overlaps. But where primals involve two people tearing off the masks they wear in daily life and engage as free, untamed spirits, Pet Play dives into that Owner/pet dynamic. In saying that, I’m sure primal and pet play dynamics intertwine in ways that suit anyone’s dynamics. It’s all different dynamic to dynamic.
I . . . THINK I’M CURIOUS ABOUT THIS . . .WHAT NOW?
What if you are? There’s nothing wrong at all with being drawn to this. It’s absolutely normal. The first thing you can do is — Ask yourself what traits come to you? What animal comes to mind? Look back on who you’ve been when you’re alone or with a partner or close friends or even playing with a pet? Have you wanted to lick someone out of pure, energetic affection? Have you ever growled or play whined or meowed playfully? Maybe you’ve gotten on all fours to bunt your cat hello.
This is how I knew I was animalistic. I would roll around on the floor with my dogs. I would rub my head against my cats’ to greet them. I nuzzle fresh pillows and absolutely hate the feel of clothes on my skin. And I would growl if I was feeling unhappy.
Alllll these little traits in me that I didn’t connect until I started learning about being primal.
Again I ask: if you’re considering
Is it dehumanising? Can’t you do it? Why is it degrading? You’re tapping into deep, primal instincts. This makes you happy. How can that be wrong? How can that be a mental illness? This is a slice of your love language, yeah? This is how you want to be, how you express connection and affection. Embrace it. Own it. It’s gorgeous. So are you. So what animal are you?
I…GOD HELP ME, I WANT TO TRY — BUT WHAT NOW?
So okay, you have traits. You want to growl or whine or bite or crawl. You have SUCH A LONGING for it — but then your parental locking kicks in. Society whispers in your ear. You start to feel weird or ashamed. Your thoughts run the gamut of emotions — how many of these questions do you recognise asking yourself or telling yourself — That’s degrading! Dehumanising! I can’t do that. What does that say about me if I do? What kind of person am I? What kind of husband or wife or partner or mum or dad
If you find yourself asking these, I invite you to breathe deep and take a moment to starve off panic. Ask yourself and be honest — Why is it degrading? You’re tapping into deep, primal instincts. This makes you happy. How can that be wrong? How can that be a mental illness? This is a slice of your love language, yeah? This is how you want to be, how you express connection and affection. Embrace it. Own it. It’s gorgeous. So are you. So what animal are you?
We – humanity, you, me – we are capable of such shame when it comes to kinks and how we want to love and express ourselves. This is new, exciting and terrifying territory and I know it’s hard to let go of that but break it down, take it one day and step at a time: Today is today and tomorrow is tomorrow.
You can always take 15 minutes out of your day to sit with the feeling. Find a safe space – the bedroom, the shower – and undress. Kneel. Go on all fours. Chitter. Meow. Nuzzle your pillow.
I say undress because for me that helps put my mind in the present. It’s confronting, it’s back to basics. I’m alert and therefore alert to what comes to my mind.
Your first impulse will be — I sound stupid, this is stupid, I feel silly. When I growled, when that deep rumble vibrated in my throat and chest, I felt like an idiot. This is dumb, I thought. I’m insane. How can I keep doing this? I couldn’t get out of my head. I felt abnormal.
I had to sit with this animalistic side. I had to growl again. And again. AND AGAIN until I got used to it — much like dipping into a pool, only naked. Getting used to the change. It took time but IN TIME I learned to fucking adore freeing myself with a growl.
So…have you thought about what speaks to you? Is it a bowl? A collar? A leash? If you’re still struggling, maybe start with what animal you feel your personality takes on? Are you a cat? If so, lift your butt into the air as you stretch of a morning. All the identifying cats out here reading this practice a Mrow? All the identifying pups reading practice a Arf! Push bask against the silly feeling. Normalise that this is you. And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, stop. Breathe. Take a break until you feel compelled to explore this again.
The best advice I can give is to go easy on yourself and your desires. You’re not alone. There are many like us. Many that will accept you — but first you need to accept your self. She / He wants to love you too.
So..sit with this side of yourself and get to know them. And — when you are ready, challenge yourself because yes, frowny face, you CAN challenge yourself.
How? Are you off for a shower? Undress and crawl on your hands and knees to the bathroom.
Want to explore an emotion? Grab a journal or pull up the notes app of your phone. Write what comes. Yes, even the bad thoughts. But! If they are bad, rewire them. Challenge them. Be KIND to your ass, yeah?
Break off what you want to do, piece by piece, and tackle it. Roar or growl or nuzzle fresh sheets. Allow yourself to feel, not think.
More than this, ask yourself what are you? What animal are you?
If you want to talk further on traits and animals and all things primal, write to me at darkanddominant@hotmail.com
If you want to write but are shy and constantly writing and rewriting an email message – put a ☘️ in the text / subject – and I’ll know you are struggling to reach out and I’ll write back! Take care!
Tall, Dark and Dominant 