50 MORE Things You (Probably) Didn’t Know About Me

When I did a ‘50 things you might not know about me’ people seemed to respond to it really well. Sometimes I even get questions in my email about who I am outside of Kink. Hopefully these help shed some light on that for any of you!

1. I’m currently naked right now.

2. Tall, Dark and Dominant isn’t just a tongue-in-cheek name for a blog, it’s also a vague description of my physical appearance and self.

3. The sub-heading ‘Inside the mind of a dominant male’ was the suggestion from a reader when I first began the blog. I liked it enough it’s been there ever since.

4. In my ‘50 things…’ post, I mentioned being an avid film buff and reader, but what do I enjoy watching and reading? I will read anything you recommend my way to give it a chance but my favourite genres are horror, epic fantasy and gothic fiction. The same could be translated into my film tastes!

5. I’m introverted. I live a quiet life working from home with my animal friends. To add to this, my lady is extroverted so that makes for challenging – but worthwhile – functions with friends and extended family.

6. I find certain atmospheres stimulate my brain and either make me incredibly hyper OR incredibly horny. So – a jazz bar in New Orleans, a small town carnival, late night shopping. Maybe I’m just a creature of the night. Huh.

7. Sometimes being primal can feel lonely, or maybe that’s a by-product of my depression. It’s a strange feeling that comes and go like the flows of life. It’s a strange thing.

8. Around 2017-2018, I spoke a lot about a desire to mentor and even offered that to anyone, explaining that it’s more of a lifeline to touch base and talk things over that they may not feel like they can to people around them.

9. The best thing about mentoring for me was that I could – for whatever reason – put the feelings of others into structure that made sense. I keep in touch with the people I’ve helped and am happy to hear from them about how they are finding things, while also answering anything they have to ask.

10. The worst thing about mentoring was my sense of persecution complex / imposter syndrome. Or that I was interfering with lives in a way I shouldn’t. It’s why I stopped for the longest while.

11. My favourite colours change on my mood. I like a deep red and a deep blue but I also tend to feed off of purple and emerald. Not to mention the shade of black.

12. I almost drowned at two seperate times in my life.

13. Speaking of 13, I’m superstitious with a lot of things. I make sure I’m in bed before 3am, the witching hour. I try not to walk under ladders.

14. I challenge my sense of low self-esteem by taking nudes. That’s actually how I became comfortable with being on Fetlife – by putting myself out there and embracing the more wild side of myself.

15. I’m still a little shy at moaning, until I get carried away and my primal self comes out.

16. If you were to open my Spotify right now, you’d find a mix of heavy metal, jazz, ambient jams and 80s glam rock.

17. Inspiration strikes me in the strangest moments – through a sexy nightmare, through watching movie of a woman skinny dipping.

18. I like to write erotica that’s explicit in its vulgarity and confronting – to me, anyway – in how it explores the mind of its characters. My main hope is, if it isn’t at least engaging and thoughtful, it will be sexy still in some way.

19. Speaking of 80s glam rock, I once did a strip tease to a Guns N’ Roses song.

20. I’ve spent literal years challenging myself to be outspoken and not painfully shy to the point that some misconstrue me as cocky or overly boisterous.

21. I come from a musical family. Originally I wanted to play the saxophone but I went into piano because I wanted to learn Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D Minor. How I discovered that piece, no idea. I WANT to say an old universal horror movie but I can’t say. Anyway, I got as far as learning the entirety of Toccata and the first few minutes of Fugue before I got distracted by highschool. I still remember the part of the piece I learnt but have yet to get around to learning the entire 8ish minutes.

22. But yes I listen to classical music. Bach, Beethoven and Mozart are my favourites. I love the expression of mood and how grandiose they made music feel.

23. Moonlight Sonata, Requiem and Clair De Lune are up there among my favorite pieces. They probably will give you an idea about my tastes and moods too.

24. I support the Chicago Bears in the NFL.

25. If I could have any super power, it’d be really hard to resist the idea of flying but I think I’d go invisible. And be a terrible voyeur.

26. I love licorice Icecream. No one has yet to agree with me on that one. Huh.

27. I really love helping people. I hate the idea of anyone feeling alone and frightened and like they’re the only one who feels the way they do and, as crazy as it sounds, I would talk to that person as long as they need to. I still have to tell some who approach me personally to please don’t apologise for asking a question. I understand that feeling all too well.

28. I applied to university for the one course each year for three years before they let me in. Four years later I graduated from that university.

29. While thinking of something for 29, I got sidetracked by the idea of a submissive tied to a table while a sybian relentlessly assaulted their pussy.

30. I always enjoy meeting new people who I come across through my blog.

31. Though I ALWAYS fear I will just keep talking and piss them off.

32. My favorite pair of underwear for myself is a vintage-styled Mickey Mouse artwork piece.

33. BDSM can calm my soul at times.

34. I am still a painfully shy Dominant. I love to cum on my lady’s tits but I’ll wrestle with some self-loathing on my not-so-great days.

35.One of my favorite animals is an anteater.

36. I dream intensely, in many colors and genres – Sex dreams are visceral and breath-taking, nightmares wake me up yelling at things and weird dreams inspire my writings.

37. I’m teaching myself Spanish, slowly but surely. I converse in a clunky manner but early days.

38. I love Mexican culture – the food, the sights, the music and I’m partial to the men and women from there. I’m secretly hoping to meet a Mexican reader one day and yes, I realize that sounds weird.

39. I go through different phases where I really want to learn about something – American politics, The Peloponnesian War, Henry James’ entire bibliography, small town football in America, the mind of someone in the BDSM lifestyle – let alone the mind of someone at all.

40. I still haven’t gone to any munch or kink function where I live, partly because anxiety, partly because there’s a weird aspect I sense of myself where I’m private and shy and socially awkward but also just more of a quiet loner.

41. I live in suburbia, which sometimes makes the primal in me very frustrated. I often want to strip down naked and go for heart-pounding runs but I can’t.

42. My spirit animal is either a bear or a sloth. My lady says Bear because I scratch myself against sharp corners of the house, roam cupboards for food and generally like to nap.

43. I really need to get better at exercising.

44. You’ll never bother me if you ever want to write in to me – to shoot the shit, to ask a question, whatever the case may be. For some, even me, It’s hard to get to a place where you’re comfortable expressing to a stranger, but the offer is always there for anyone. I promise and beseech you if it ever gets tough.

45. The show I’m currently watching on Netflix is The Dark Crystal / The Good Place / Riverdale.

46. I like to bite certain people.

47. When I was eight, my teacher complained that I wasn’t paying attention in class because I was too busy writing stories. And here I am.

48. To this day, I am in complete shock at my life. I don’t understand how I won over a beautiful lady, let alone a submissive lady in sync with my mind, I don’t understand how you readers really enjoy my work, I’m still in shock people write in from time to time for whatever reason. I feel like my life has been the biggest fluke – but…I’ll never stop giving my thanks and doing my part back to the universe.

49. I used to get up at the crack of dawn as a small kid to watch my favourite animated movies.

50. I kinda wish I was more talented with a camera so I could collaborate with minds to take some beautiful erotic / bdsm photos. The conservative catholic in me feels really guilty about that at times but I keep thinking how beautiful would it be to work creatively with someone else’s mind on a concept that could be vintage or fantastical or epic or romantic. But then I realise that’s a dream for an alternate reality me.

Torment

A pretty little thing lay bound to the bed, chains linked across her bare body.

Her auburn hair had fallen across her furrowed brow, strands reaching down to mask her eyes.

The muscles in her neck clenched tight as her stomach reached up to meet the cool kiss of the chains around her breasts, pockets of ice biting at her nipples.

He hovered above her, a leg on each side of her, his thick and uncut cock fully hard as it frames shadows across her belly button.

His cock bobs in the air – in truth, he uses what muscles he has to hold tight. He feels the pleasure swirling from the pit of his stomach down to his shaft, reaching its own tendril to skim underneath his testicles.

Pre-come glistens the tip of his cock. He knows this, is aware of this. He uses this to his advantage, letting a strand run down his shaft and across the length of his testicles to drop across her chained stomach.

She murmurs in frustration, a strangled sound somewhere between a beg and a fierce cry. He may be aware of how Come is dripping in a sequence of dots traveling upwards to her breasts but the one thing He isn’t aware of is how badly she craves to taste him.

Her thirst is ridiculous, unquenchable. In this moment, bound and at the mercy of Him, she truly believes that if she can’t taste him, just a drop even, she will descend into madness.

In a heartbeat it terrifies her, this longing. An image comes fully formed to her, an animal writhing and growling and howling, it’s throat raw, spittle bubbling on its lips, pupils large. It’s body vibrating with desperation. Somehow she understands that she will become the animal if she doesn’t own up to her own feelings, if she cannot accept what she wants and the ferocity of how badly she wants it.

She can feel his come smack against her flesh, can lift her head just enough so that she can see his Cock bobbing in the air, a drop beading on its head, but not His face. She imagines his smile – and her thirst for him grows.

Spring Brings Out My Primal

I can hear it – the rain rattling across the roof, a rhythm just for me.

I can feel it – stirring from its long rest, shaking off the fog of sleep.

I am aware of my heart sounding off in my ears, the warm blood in my veins.

My toes uncurl against fresh sheets, eager to move, to race.

Nothing has no rhyme or reason. What is the meaning behind the season?

It wrestles me to take hold. I feel its needs take control.

And I am but a puppet, a monster cast in black and white. Expressionistic. Fatalistic.

Bones and muscle lock in place.

Gnarled fingertips claw beneath my skin. I feel it frustrated deep within.

Without it I’m a shell, a jagged edge incomplete. I need it here with me, in on chatter, eavesdropping with devilish delight.

Come and set me free.

On Discovering I was Primal

I didn’t meet a person within the BDSM community that identified as being a primal until I was 26.

I didn’t even know the full extent of being a primal – I didn’t know about pet play, being a predator, being a prey or traits OF a primal person, even when I had a few of those traits.

I knew I was dominant. I knew I liked being naked outdoors, knew that it exhilarated me. I knew that the outdoors, as much of a house creature I can be, thrilled me. Oh to think of running, the wind in my hair, my heart beating, my legs kicking into gear. It was a beautiful, beautiful thing.

When I was 26, long after my marriage failed, I decided to sign up to Fetlife and not shut it down out of fear this time. And through happenstance, I met a lovely Canadian lady who I got along really well with – I mean, similar sense of humour, the type of rapid fire wit that flows. It was lovely, and I didn’t quite understand at the time why it was so lovely. Until she, on a whim, started to express wolf-like aspects – little whines over Skype calls, talk of wrestling over a disagreement about favourite movies. I started to sense something, or maybe I DEVELOPED the means TO SENSE through talking to her.

And the topic of being primal came up. I was a bit confused at first, till she pointed out traits I had, which she, or the animal within her, responded to. And suddenly it all made sense – why I liked to growl, why I liked to run naked as a teenager through the Bush, why I felt SOMETHING fighting back within me when I was married and had chosen to stop thinking of BDSM and kink because I wanted to work for my marriage and be a good husband. Something primal and animalistic was there, it always there.

As these things sometimes go, one day we just stopped talking. Days went by, then weeks and then months. I haven’t spoken to her since, which is a shame because I owe her a lot. I guess that’s life, in a way. Strangers. Angels even? Who knows.

I’ve learned a lot about primal since then. A lot of it has come through googling, a lot has come through my own development and my development with my kitten, who has primal traits herself.

It’s strange meeting another primal person because sometimes I get this sense, however brief. I pick up on a trait, an inkling in someone. I can feel their openness and spontaneity and how raw they have themselves open to conversation – and how they conversation can flow! Usually these people and I get on like a house on fire – sense of humour and personality is similar and it’s easy to chat to them.

But it can be lonely too, sometimes. I check reddit, I’m part of Fetlife. I occasionally log into The Cage – I rarely see anything about a primal. I know it can be anything from not being advertised or being straightforward enough to mention – but it’s almost like it’s not at the forefront of Kink or D/s or BDSM. Or maybe it’s just me and it is there but behind whatever else someone displays via their notes or text or picture.

I don’t know about about anyone else, but sometimes it can feel like you are alone adrift at sea. I am blessed to have my kitten, my partner, who licks me and wrestles me to the bed – I have that connection now. But I didn’t always, and even then sometimes it’s just nice to know that there are others like you out there too, getting in touch with their own darkest desires.

To any folk out there, you are definitely not alone. There are more of us than you may think.

How Do You Know If You’re Primal?

I’ve written a lot about the primal dynamic and what it is and what it means to me personally. Shamefully though, I’ve never touched on how you can tell if you are primal – and if you’re new to the lifestyle, this just adds to an ever growing list of dynamics and their rules that can potentially overwhelm you. Especially when being primal and feeling primal can be different for each and every one of us.

So what are some of the ways you can tell?

Behaviour

Take a moment to look back at your behaviour throughout moments in your life. How do you feel when you are naked? Can you recall some mannerisms during sex – a grunt or a growl, a surge of energy rocketing through your entire body? Perhaps a longing for nature – secluded woods, away from society? How do you feel about being outdoors?

Before I even knew what bdsm or being primal was, I was running through acres of land completely naked. I was masturbating in the muddy grounds after a storm. I was scratching and biting and growling during sex.

More importantly, I would experience moments – during sex or when I was horny or even outside of the bedroom – where I felt…different. And I had no idea why or what that meant. I felt different and restless and like I wanted to just find a clearing in a rainforest, lay down to feel the grass on my body and be…free. Away from everything going on in your life.

Manifestations

Maybe it comes out in a moment – you feel different, possessed by some sort of indescribable energy. You want to do things and say things that you know might challenge perceptions – but it’s there, on the tip of your tongue or bubbling to the surface. Maybe it comes out of you like a strike of lightening – you feel it wash over you before you come back down to earth. Maybe you feel like being rough during sex, choking and pulling and being held down or holding down?

I used to be scared of that feeling. I thought I was mentally ill or wired wrong and that no one could ever identify with how I felt because I was weird and unnatural and pushing any boundaries of good taste.

What I failed to see was that I was merely shedding my social profile – letting the primordial feelings come to the forefront of my mind to play and breathe a moment. Feeling strange and weird came about because I would settle back down into the boundaries of society, ready to be a well behaved citizen to the city I was in at the time.

Identity

This one may not extend to everyone – but some primals associate with an animal. They feel linked to the animal world, they feel that behaviour creep in to their mentality and waking life.

Primal folk can have ‘packs’ – groups of close friends with perhaps an unique set of rules and protocols and an established hierarchy. I’m not too well versed on this, I’m afraid, as I’ve mainly been a lone wolf or at least in a pack of two – myself and another.

Have you felt a longing to a particular animal? A call from the wild? A call to adventure? Maybe there’s more animal in you than you might realise – and there’s nothing at all wrong with that.

Primal can also extend to the PREDATOR and PREY state of mind – the urge to chase and roughly tackle and the urge to be chased and to be roughly tackled. Imagine the wrestling in the dirt, connected to the earth, hair strewn across faces in the entanglement – think on that and you’re on the right track.

Being primal means getting to a state of mind in which you are unfiltered, focusing on natural impulses, raw urges and usually a ferocious sexual appetite. It’s not always sexual though, sometimes it can relate to your confidence or your sense of humour, or your social anxiety.

More than this, it’s about retreating back to a place where you can think and feel without stigma, where you can be primitive and animalistic and as feral as you’d like to be.

It’s a beautiful, powerful and freeing to be primal and animalistic – but it can also be terrifying if you don’t know why you’re feeling the way you are.

To those scared of it, I will say this: shoving it far, far away will only make things worse. Instead, sit with your wild feelings. Get to know them. Push yourself but push gently. You have all the time in the world to grow at ease with these new concepts.

If you have any further questions, if I need to clarify on a few things, if you think you are primal and want to talk it over, you are always welcome to get in touch with me either in the comments section below or directly to my email at — darkanddominant@hotmail.com

Hellfire

Beatrice, O heavenly guide!

Lead me to my damnation,

I’ll happily follow you through the woods if it meant one last chance to sink my teeth into your flesh, to coat your nipple with my saliva,

To hear the fabric tear and cut you loose.

O Beatrice, what I would give

to baptise you come the morning,

To be rid of the agony of want,

To drown you in the waves of my ignorance.

Beatrice, O heavenly guide!

I am lost without your light

Join me in darkness

Please forgive me.

On Anxiety’s Role in Being Primal

In the past I’ve written about my life with anxiety, whether it was intruding in my sexual life or in general – but I never have spoken – or written about, for that matter – the role Anxiety has with the primal aspect of my personality.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with anything primal related, it’s a concept within BDSM that focuses on thinking and feeling – instinctual, sexual or otherwise – without letting fear take over and cause to block it out.

It’s about being in communion with the more coarse and unrefined aspects of yourself and understanding what that means for you and who you are.

Anxiety, on the other hand, has the ability to generate strange and delusional thoughts. It can be so sneaky that it seems genuine, as if it’s subconsciously laid down rail road tracks leading from the thought back into your memories – so you believe it’s bullshit.

Which brings me to my next point – what’s primal and what’s anxiety? Are the two linked? Are we supposed to accept the anxiety if we identify as primal?

For me, there’s a shifting of feelings that occur between the two. When I’m primal I can feel the adrenaline coursing through me – I’m at a heightened state, but I’m not at a flight-or-fight state. Anxiety brings with it an overwhelming sense of dread and doom. Your body’s security system has an overactive imagination.

For me, I can differentiate between the two because one sounds utterly absurd, while the other is me thinking and feeling on an impulse, something I have control of and have to actively let loose. One is calming, the other is panic.

Being primal does mean to listen to all impulsive thoughts – but anxiety is a misfiring Of said thoughts. You can certainly listen to what your mind says, and acknowledge it but don’t react to the absurdity because no matter how strong it is, it really is utterly delusional. And sometimes there is no root cause.

As always, ladies and gents, I’m here if you ever need a chat about anything. Life, love, BDSM, movies or gaming – anything. My email is still open to all.