The Dark Truths At The Heart Of It All

Man or woman, husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, friend of friends – if you’ve found your way to this blog, if you are stuck and wondering what to do next, I beseech you – listen to your heart. Take the time, find a quiet place and reflect.

Maybe you’re in a committed relationship, maybe you’re a father or a mother – you think you’ve set the table for this life and you ought to lie in the bed you made. But if you’re anything like me, it won’t leave you, these thoughts, this compulsion, it will keep coming back until it claws it’s way through your skin.

I know. I tried bottling it away – I had a natural conclusion to my story, I’d felt. I was a husband. I could be a father. I’d get the house, the white picket fence, her beautiful and unique self, her supportive family – all if I packaged away the feelings that started to bubble to the surface. That was the right thing to do, I thought. The selfless thing.

I don’t blame my wife for finding another man. The struggle to live a life that wasn’t me was starting to show it’s cracks in my skin. I was beginning to become distant. Strained.

But her decision to seperate was the push I was too cowardly to face. It led me down some dark paths where I faced some truths, some powerful in their unbridled beauty, some agonising. All of which I needed to hear. To feel. Things I needed to understand and accept – about myself, my flaws, my errors and who I was.

You see, we owe it to ourselves to listen to that dark part inside of us.

I get criticised for using the term ‘dark’ sometimes – because how can something so beautiful be dark right? I thought of rape fantasies, vulgar degradation, Pet Play so humiliating, incestuous roleplaying, fantasies so absurd I’m not even going to put them here – these were things so intoxicating that I’d wake from my dream achingly hard.

But I’d feel shame. Remorse. Guilt. Anguish.

This is why I use the term ‘dark’ – because it’s the untapped psychosexual fantasies that can scare you but are ultimately apart of you. Sometimes they can be so potent, so lucid, that it lingers in your waking day, unable to leave till you scour your body raw in the shower.

So if you’re reading this and you fall into the areas I touch upon, do something for me. Listen to the uncomfortable parts that wake you in the night. Explore the fantasy, the path, untouched, be it in your mind or down on paper in a journal. Don’t you ever feel shame for any of it, for these are a part of you. They are your humanity and no matter how dark or twisted you think they may be, there is beauty to them.

Acceptance is the first step. But it is never easy. It is hard and it can feel relentless, this resistance to it, but each day, put one foot in front of the other and keep going, keep challenging yourself healthily. You’re just waking up.

The Animal In Me: Looking At What It Means To Be ‘Primal’

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When I first discovered the extent of my Dominance, the first thing that was evident to me was that I was a primal being. I wanted to rip off my clothes, howl at the moon and go running through the woods. In fact, I did just that. I howled with pets at the moon, I ran through the forest at night.

It took me ages to get to this point but now I recognise it as a part of who I am. That primal part of me, the animal side, the side that writes to you now nude from the bedroom (partially due to heat, partially due to the sensual breeze skimming across my skin) is in my mind. Whether I developed it on my own or whether it was always there, I will leave to the philosophers.

But what is a primal? Why do I refer to my lady as a kitten?

To me, ‘primal’ means to shed your skin and be who you are without second guessing your desires or yourself. To liberate yourself and act on your desires, within reason. I mean, we have morals and we have rules but to me, they are on a separate tier to what might be eating away at yourself. Let me explain.

It’s when we act how we truly feel so much so that we feel liberated, sexually or no, that means we are being true to our primal selves. Those impulses you feel, that you might shrug off because of years of upbringing from parents or society – you need to pay attention to your inner most thoughts and don’t push them away.

If you approach them, You would be closer to your animalistic self.

One night just recently I had the strangest urge to be primal. It was going on one in the morning and I was watching — whatever on Netflix – but I felt the urge to strip off, wander outside and sit with my dogs. It was very freeing, and unique. I can’t really describe what it feels like or why I feel so passionately about it.

But it goes beyond all that, it seeps into my private and sexual life. It has helped me be forthright and has helped my confidence. And to help my kitten’s confidence. She use exceptional with her training and tasks. And sex feels all the more fulfilling and satisfying when I let out a low growl and not feel judged or strange, like I have felt in the past.

It has helped with my growth. And I am glad to have been able to take that plunge despite the fear.

So do me a favour, listen to your hearts and minds and do the daring thing that you have been fearful to do, whatever that is, no matter how scary that is. I promise you’ll be safe.

Like A Peach

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Like a peach,

Soft and tender.

Awaiting my touch.

 

Like a peach

plucked off the shackles of the tree

forbidden fruit

Like a peach

delicious and sweet

the juices bring out the insatiable desire

Like a peach

I like to take a big bite out

and see what’s underneath

Like a peach

I hold in my hand all of you

I see you.

Author’s Note:

Yeaaaah, not my best. But I’m happy with the metaphors and I take them seriously enough that they mean something beautiful without sounding overly pretentious. I tried to be sweet, I tried to be sexy. I don’t know if I succeeded but hey. I hope you enjoy – and for the Dominant’s reading, think about your ladies when you have a piece of fruit in your hands! 😉