Exploring sexuality in BDSM and D/s relationships


I wanted to talk about sexuality in BDSM because it’s something that sparks a lot of confusion and controversy among certain circles.

Some folk new to the idea of BDSM might figure that the role of the Dominant is assigned to a man, just as the role of the submissive is assigned to a female. This isn’t true and it’s one of the beautiful things about BDSM and a D/s relationship.

The role can belong to any gender who possesses that mindset and traits. In fact, people can move between the two roles, which has led to some people using the label ‘switch’.

So you see, two men can be engaged in a D/s relationship, just as two women can be engaged in a D/s relationship. In other examples, the woman can be the Dominant (or ‘Domme’) and her submissive can even be a male. There’s no shame in a man stepping forth and declaring he is submissive, just as there should be no shame in a gay couple coming forth and declaring their roles and their love for each other.

I’m of a belief that it doesn’t matter who you are or what your sexual preference is, so long as you treat me with kindness, warmth and respect, I’ll do the same to you.

Another point I want to address relates to submissive men. A man might be submissive and afraid to admit it because doing so might lead others to believe he is homosexual. Yeah, that’s a possibility. It shouldn’t matter and it’s unfortunate it does but a submissive male doesn’t necessarily mean they are into the same sex. Just because you enjoy the idea of anal sex or anal pleasure does not mean you are into men. There’s nerve endings on the ass, you know? With practice, you can stimulate yourself to what I am sure would be powerful orgasms.

I feel like there is an unspoken problem there, between folk enjoying anal pleasure , even at the hands of a Dom/Domme.
That’s media, that’s society talking. Don’t define things by a narrow label – labels are for soup. Enjoy and embrace who you are, regardless of tastes. A Domme women and a submissive man may have a relationship as fruitful and powerful as any other, just as a Dominant man and a submissive man may have a beautiful and healthy relationship.

I feel there are people out there struggling with their sexuality and with their interest in BDSM and pursuing a D/s relationship when they don’t need to be worried about it at all.

If anything, look at it this way: What is sexuality? It can’t be as simple as what’s out there can it? Especially when something like BDSM and D/s relationships are challenging the concept of what it means to like this or what it means to like that? Like love, it can’t be defined, as love is different person to person.
My head’s all over the place with this and I’m not sure I am making sense. At the end of the day, don’t let media and society’s narrow views on sexuality define you. Just because you the mainstream media might be populated with straight sex and news articles and folk frown on your tastes doesn’t mean anything.

If you’re gay, be proud and happy. If you’re a submissive man, be proud of it. If you’re a lesbian, be proud and stand tall because you know what? What you want to explore is beautiful and you are on the cusp of exploring your true identity. Even if it doesn’t work out, look at this way: you tried exploring something most people are afraid to explore. You’re better than those that want to live with hate in their hearts.

Sexuality is fluid. We should be open to experiences and sensations and forget about small minded labels. That’s not who we are.


I’m your sadistic Dominant


I’m a sadistic Dominant. This much I’ve learnt in my journey. It’s taken me years to admit to myself and grow confident in my nature – my TRUE nature – but I am finally here.

When I was 17, I held a Dominating power over a then-girlfriend. I made her masturbate on her parents bed…and when she was done, I made damn sure her delicious cream was rubbed right into the fabric.

Back then, I was a kid who was experimenting so the gentleness I have now was, if not lost on me, then ignored. Because my belief now is that – well, to get geeky, with great power comes great responsibility, no?

But looking back, it appears there has always been that sadistic streak in me. Talking about my journey the other day on becoming a Dominant, it made me think about my sadism and I really wanted to explore it with all the beautiful people that follow me.

There is a nastiness to me that appears to me sometimes. It wants to push boundaries and make people uncomfortable. It manifests in two ways: I like to fuck with people’s minds. A slow delicious build up that gets the both of us hot, but with me always in control. And then I like to turn this into pushing people in an unpredictable environment BUT with an exit strategy should there ever be discomfort.

A part of this extends to Orgasm Denial. I can edge for a few hours. I think somewhere along the line I built up and practiced that feature — but my submissive cannot. Watching her squirm and beg and get nasty all over the one thing — release — is quite appealing to me.

Another time, I want to send her off to work in her shortest dress, just because I enjoy the thought of her squirming and trying to work around not flashing anyone. I wanted to see if she could struggle that successfully. I know I have sent her to work without panties and in a short dress in the past, just grinning evilly at the thought of her exposing herself – that the world might see but definitely couldn’t touch. (I have mentioned my possessiveness, yes?)

Other times, I might start fondling her while she’s driving. Or when she’s on the phone to her mother, I’ll start kissing down her delicious thighs. Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll start stroking her treasure while people are over and in the next room.

I can’t explain why I am sadistic. Can anyone? What is it in our brains that just want that cruelty? What is it that makes me oh so hard at the thought of pushing her in that direction?

Dear lord, is it intoxicating…