Memoirs Of A Dominant

Next week I will be turning thirty.
And looking back on the last ten years of my life is a strange and beautiful thing.

I’ve had the gift of life given to me but also of laughter and love and yeah, even Dominance. 

When I was twenty, I didn’t know what I do now. 

You could say I was Dominant, but I was coarse and unrefined. 

I could dominate – and I did – but it wasn’t with any sort of awareness of the bigger picture. I was playing chess one square at a time rather than the whole board.

Unknowingly, I had formed D/s relationships but neither me nor the lady I was with knew that. All I knew was that I had gone from being a loner to suddenly an attractive man – well, in the eyes of others anyway. At 20 I was insecure with myself in a way that I’m not now. 

My twenties were spent outside of anything BDSM related. There were flickers of it: The degradation that came out in my teens also came out in the bedroom. But I didn’t know terms, dynamics, things I wanted. I was coarse and unrefined and in a strictly vanilla relationship. 

It was around the time of my mid-twenties when something inside me awoke. Suddenly I wanted to learn. 

I was afraid to learn – there were times in the middle of the night where I woke from a dream to an ache I had ignored due to some of that catholic guilt I was raised with coming out – but I still had that desire. 

My long-term girlfriend at the time was not interested in the slightest. Not even after me trying to introduce to her some things I wanted to try. We simply were not compatible, though we hung onto each other long anyway.
Her dismissal led me to blogs and sites and that’s where I discovered Fetlife. That’s where I discovered apps like Whisper.

Suddenly I was finding that education I was so scared about. I deleted and signed up to Fetlife numerous times before I created the profile that exists today. 

Through whisper, I met a bubbly young lady. She was eighteen. I was 26 at the time. 
Blonde hair, blue eyes, piercings over her face and nipples. 
I did not have an affair with her, if that’s what you’re thinking. As I write this now, I can see that this was the origin of my Daddy side. 

You see, she came from a broken home. She was constantly in a state of distress. And over the weeks, we would talk and I would help in any way I can – because…well, because she felt like a little sister to me. 

The universe is a strange thing. It brings people together, it pulls people apart. And I guess, in that time, the universe gave me someone to talk to who was just as much seeking answers as I was. 

We would talk about our interests, mainly though, we would talk shit. And it was pleasant. 

I don’t know where she is now, but looking back, I think that was instrumental in forging my Daddy side. My caring side. My nurture side. 

EVENTUALLY my long term relationship with my girlfriend fell apart. We stopped being friends, we hung out in different rooms after work. We simply weren’t compatible. 

At the time, I wanted to fight. I felt that was what I wanted to do – fight for her. But when she showed no interest in fighting back, I decided to drop my compulsion to fix things or solve things and just…let her go. 

In the months after, I sought to explore myself. I moved in with my parents for a while, Iogged back into Fetlife. I took nude selfies despite my lingering guilt post-relationship. I wrote songs too. Really on-the-nose songs, with titles like ‘Penultimate’ and ‘Signposts’. It was my way to heal.

Through Fetlife – through people, really – I learnt what I was once too scared to learn. I spoke to women I befriended. Some I was drawn to on a really primal level. They helped point out what I was feeling. 

I had plenty of fascinating conversations about minds and life just staying in the intimate space of my childhood bedroom. In a lot of ways I was doing a loop, folding over back into my childhood town. Adulthood is weird.

But I learned I was a primal. I learned I was a Daddy. I had a six hour edging session – and I’m not exaggerating to prove something, I spent the majority of that day in bed pushing my limits. I was done crying, I was going to edge damnit. 

So you see, life is strange. Why we don’t accept our minds and our sexuality is stranger. I could lament and wonder why it wasn’t sooner that I had this life affirming epiphany, but you can’t go back. Only forward. 

If you have any questions regarding this post, always feel free to write me at my email. I’m more than happy to help you with your own journey.  

Being Nude Anywhere Is Thrilling

..And I don’t really know why.

Maybe it’s linked to the idea that my parents were repressed. Or I was taught it’s a big no no so I lived in a repressed state for my life. But anytime I undress here in my own place as an adult, I feel thrilled.

I just stripped off to go crawl into bed. I’m tired, I’ll have a nap. But the sheets on my skin, the gentle breeze on my cock. It’s electrifying. 

And is there any greater Joy? Probably. Maybe. But seriously, I don’t know why it is that I feel super charged. Maybe I’m just a nudist, maybe I just like nudity.

But it’s more than that, because I sleep nude, I write nude. Its a part of me in ways maybe I can’t recognise. Or maybe I’m reading too into it.

I mean I do it all the time, it should be second nature. So why is it still thrilling? 

The only answer I can come up with is that I’m a highly sensitive, highly sexual person. So perhaps that’s why. Because I’m always switched on, hard and ready for anything.

What say you, ladies and gents? Anyone share my highly sensitive, highly sexual mindset? Anyone reading in bed or wherever right now naked and comfortable?

Ice and Fire, Part II

FOR A MOMENT everything was blinding white light.
In that moment, Elsa started to panic that she had gone blind.
She fell to the floor, thumbing her way along the ground.
There was nothing but white light and the sound of ringing in her ears.
Her body was throbbing with pain all over.
Her mouth ached where his cock had violently fucked her mouth and there was a burning sensation where her head hit the wall repeatedly.
A fragment of vision came to her then…then another.
Piece by piece, her vision returned to her. The world around her returned.
Elsa limped along the ground, feeling the cool air ride up her bare ass. The sensation was dizzying, in a way that she couldn’t tell was arousal or anger.
She crawled into something rock solid before her and shrieked.
Upon closer inspection, it was the guard, his hands up as if shielding himself.
Elsa looked into the still eyes of the man that had forced himself upon her and felt the anger rise up through her, burning in her chest.
She lashed out with a shriek unlike anything she’s ever heard come from herself and the guard fell backwards into the ground.
There was a deafening crack and what was once the guard splintered into tiny fragments, scattering along the great hall in tiny jagged pieces.
The sight knocked the air right out of Elsa and held her in place.
She had just murdered a man. Just like that.
Everything around her seemed false. Like a dream.
Like she was viewing things through frosted glass.
I killed a man, Elsa thought. The words came to her again and again.
I killed a man. Murderer. MURDERER. You did it, you killed him. You’re going to bring down the entire kingdom.
She fell to her knees.
And screamed.

She stumbled through Anna’s door, her dress torn right down the middle, tears streaming down her face, with her blonde hair covering her eyes and cheeks.
Her left breast was exposed and bruised where the guard had struck her. It shone a bright purple in the light.
Anna was sitting in a chair that sat against the wall, a book lay opened in her lap.
Her eyes were wide and terrified.
With Anna’s eyes now on her, she could now feel the come resting on her face and the summer breeze racing across her ass.
For a moment, the two women stood eyeing each other and with every passing second, Elsa felt guilty for even coming to her.
“But I didn’t know where to go to” said Elsa, finishing the sentence out loud.
She had taken the back way to get to Anna’s to avoid the town’s eyes. She did it all for Anna. Something amongst the churning stomach tickled at her insides.
Anna took off her own coat, revealing her pale freckled shoulders, and closed the door behind Elsa.
“There was a man..a guard…he..”
Anna took her sister and held her tight against her.
Elsa let out a sob, muffled by Anna’s chest. She relayed the events of the past half hour to Anna. All the while Anna sat listening to her and didn’t say a word.
When Elsa was finally finished,  she looked up at her baby sister.
“I don’t know who I am anymore, Anna”
Anna pulled away from the hug to look at her sister.
“You’re Elsa” Anna said, smiling. “My kind and beautiful sister”
“I’m a monster”
“The only monster is that guard. Which we will take care of once we get you cleaned up.”
Anna put her arm around Elsa and moved her along gently.
Elsa didn’t have the heart to tell her sister that she had taken care of that guard.
She didn’t even know his name.

Elsa sat staring up at the ceiling, her face devoid of any emotion for she was frozen in fear at what had transpired.
Anna had left her alone in the bathtub for some initial privacy and there she had cried so hard her chest began to ache.
A few minutes had passed since then and after making sure she was composed, she asked for her baby sister.
Anna had entered the room in trepidation, as you’d suppose a sister might if her sibling was bathing.
Elsa hid her nakedness underneath the bubbles, with only a bare leg propped up being visible to Anna.
When Elsa asked if Anna could wash the come out of her hair, Anna didn’t hesitate to pull up a stool and begin washing.
It was hard to describe her feelings then, Elsa found. The shock of the murder seemed to give way to the soothing heat of the bathtub.
Anything that remained of the guard had since been scoured from her body and she was born again.

Born again. The words caught on her mind, circling around and around. Born again.
Elsa couldn’t shake the thought as Anna cleaned her hair. Every cleansing sensation that came about by Anna purifying her golden locks brought the notion back to the forefront of her mind.

To keep her mind off of things, Elsa asked her about how things were going.
Is she happy? How are things with Kristoff? Is he treating her alright?
The answer to all things, of course, was yes.
But when Anna spoke, she spoke with, at least it seemed that way to Elsa, with uncertainty.
At what and why? Elsa was too tired to ponder on.
The image of the guard shattering into a thousand minuscule pieces came back to her and she shuddered.
“That bath looks so warm and cozy”
Anna’s voice snapped Elsa out of the thought. She tilted her head back, craning it almost, to look up at Anna.
Anna’s eyes were glazed over and distracted.
“You’re welcome to share it”

The words came dancing off her tongue before Elsa realized. Her heart leapt in her throat.
“I mean, you know…if you’d like”
Elsa wanted to bury her head in the water and freeze over the bath her embarrassment was that large.
She turned her gaze away from Anna and practices her breathing.
Conceal, don’t feel, her fathers voice spoke to her throughout the ages.
“Kristoff and I..I mean..we can’t fit..we tried once..”
Elsa looked to Anna just in time to see her go bright Scarlett. It made her whole face glow.
She didn’t know what to say to that so she let the conversation give way to silence.
“But…” Anna spoke in a whisper, and swallowed. The click in her throat was quite audible.
“We could try…”

Anna stood up from her stool and walked to the front of the bathtub.
She locked eyes with Elsa and took a sharp breath in.
Elsa saw this and forced a gentle shrug.
“You don’t have to, Anna”
The corner of Anna’s lips curved into a smile as she reached behind her back.

Her hands moved, back and forth, as Anna’s face twisted in concentration.
Her hands then moved quickly to the front as her dress fell forward, revealing her nude body.
Neither of them spoke a moment as Anna stood there.
Elsa regarded her and felt heartbeat spike.
Anna was extraordinarily beautiful.
Extraordinarily beautiful in the way that words can’t describe, only the feeling in your stomach soaring as a bird high in the sky can.
She was pale, with freckles sprinkled across her arms and thighs.
Her breasts were small and perky, with soft pink nipples. They heaved up and down as Anna stood breathing nervously.
Elsa found her eyes traveling over her sister’s body, feeling guilt but also an intrigue that forced her to keep looking with curiosity.

Anna’s mound was lightly trimmed and as red as her hair.
A new sub thought was added to Elsa’s ever-chugging train: her mound was pleasing to her eyes.
Anna reached up and untied her hair, which promptly fell across her shoulders, covering her nipples.
Elsa has to remind herself to swallow.

It was at that point, while remembering to breathe, that Elsa remembered to make room for her baby sister.
She grabbed hold of the bathtub and sat upright, revealing her chest.
Anna’s eyes travelled to her sister’s breasts and there was a hint of her eyes widening.
She looked away.
“Anna, it’s okay. Come get in before you catch a chill”
Elsa had larger breasts then Anna and a shape that Elsa had grown to love over the years.
Out of the two sisters, it seemed, Elsa had inherited this trait from her mother.

Anna, quite slowly, stepped one foot before the other and lowered herself down gently into the bath.
A few moments of an uneasy silence passed between the two as they got comfortable but before long, it was as if they were anywhere having a conversation at any time.
Elsa forgot her mantra and Anna let go of being shy.
The two spoke about their parents, about Olaf being a hit with the children and how they spent their summers in the forests beyond the castle.
There was no mention of Hans, the incident with the eternal winter or the guard.
For the first time in forever, Elsa felt something she had never felt before: a sense of belonging. She felt that here, in this bubble, in this very moment, was where she belonged.

O, the guilt was there indeed!
It had not left Elsa despite the joy their conversation had brought her.
It lingered in the air; it hovered above her with every light touch that their bodies made.
Elsa couldn’t properly conceive her love for her sister, not yet at this point in time. That would come later.
Now, she could feel the guilt behind her chest, pumping it’s way through her system via the cortisol in her veins.
Anna had been feeling a similar sensation; only chest had pained her in her anxious mind.
There was something enchanting about her older sister, something electric, something supernatural that seemed to possess her.
What was this, she had wondered, looking at the way Elsa’s nipple sat above water.
Was this simple admiration or something deeper?
The thought of finding another woman attractive was alien to her, let alone the idea of being intimate with one.
Anna pushed it out of her mind and the two continued their conversation.
The two of them laughed and splashed each other as they talked.
And each of them separately thought it was the most beautiful experience they’ve shared together.

To Be Continued…

 

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Spring

  

She can feel the bark of the tree between her thighs. It’s coarse and scratches at her delicate skin.

The sensation puzzles her. It both arouses her and makes her squirm.

It has been years since she was last nude in the countryside but when she drove down the track of her childhood home and saw she was the first of the family to arrive, she couldn’t help but indulge herself.


So off came her light purple singlet top and she slinked out of her cute little Sesame Street panties she found for $10 at her local store.

Down came her hair, which, as an experiment, she had been growing out.

Minutes later and completely naked, she rests against a fallen tree and watches the puffy white clouds in the sky.

A breeze picks up and with it, she can smell something damp. It reminds her of her childhood, where she danced nude in the rain one night when her parents trusted her with staying home alone one evening.

With that memory, the breeze skims across her nipples, tickling them. The same tickle trails down her pale body all the way to her bare cunt, freshly shaven as of yesterday evening. She giggles out loud. She can feel her arousal growing – and for some reason this makes her feel shy.

For a moment there, she sits and gathers her surroundings – the call of a crow, the faint howling of the trees around her. The tough bark at her back, across her ass, scratching at her. She wiggles on the spot so that the bark threatens to rub up the slit of her cunt.

She is at peace.

The time is now 

  

I am the entity that lives in your closet. I’ve been watching you for some time. Waiting until the right moment. Until you were at your weakest.

Why, weakest? So I could have you rise above and soar – like the wild wolf I’ve seen inside you. The one that likes to talk dirty to herself as she masturbates alone.
You’ve heard me once or twice. Fumbling about getting comfortable as you slip out of your teal cheetah print panties. I’ve inspired thoughts from your childhood. Something about shadows visiting you in the night. No matter.  
Come to me, child. Come to the wardrobe where I lay in wait. Slip that skimpy nighty off and let me see that skin of yours. The one those false Angels have clawed at on nights. But you and I both know that they were weak and undeserving. You know you have been waiting for the monster to take you to a nightmare. So: undress. I’m waiting. Can you hear my breathing? Listen closely. 
Undress. We have the time. 

What, you thought I was kidding child? Start to undress this instant. I don’t like to be kept waiting. Tonight is the night I can invade.

Are you staying still? Undress yourself for me now, you will do as I say. Don’t make me tell you again. I’m watching you, child, I know when you will be completely naked. 

There we go. All the way. There we go, there’s that trimmed cunt. Just the way I like it. 
Kneel for me, child. Swear your allegiance to me. I am the monster you begged for as your juices spurted across the sheets of an evening. Where is that animal now?
I have waited long enough. It is time now. It is MY time. All those men that have come before – they will not compel you like I will. They will not claw you like I can. I will make you float, dear girl. 
With upmost force I will possess your body with a pleasure beyond your world. Beyond your knowledge.
Understand you will not simply moan, you will scream so hard you will not recognise yourself. Understand you will come so hard you will gasp to push out that scream. 
Watch your sweet pale body rise above the floor as I open these doors. Watch as all reason leaves your mind, as it drives you mad. Watch as your breasts sting from my strikes, as the delicious bruises you have prayed for while laying in bed – the prayers that invited me in – appear on your breasts. Is the sting dizzying?

Watch as your juices smack against the carpet below. Once, twice. Three times. Your sweet cunt is flooded, child.
One last thing: do not be afraid of me. I mean you no harm. I will release you as an ascended being. Broken and bruised – but alive. Ascended. Your mind — opened. 
This moment has been a long time coming. 

Me, You and Nudity

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What is it with nudity?

Can anyone tell me?

I once had a discussion with someone I was living with.
“It’s really hot” they would say — and they were right, it was indeed a warm day.
Do you know my response?
“Hey man, go ahead – you’ve seen one body, you’ve seen them all”
Her response was to blush and shyly say something akin to “you don’t want to see that” and seeing her uncomfortably shift, I let it slide.
But this sort of idea stayed with me — why are we like that? I mean, insecurity is one thing but I don’t think that is entirely the issue. Our parents taught us about nudity, our society taught us about nudity – keep it hidden. As if you’ve got something to be ashamed of.

Another example would be walking around shirtless at my folk’s place whilst enjoying a Christmas holiday and my family reacted even to that site. It was amusing to me because in my mind, I was doing no wrong. Call it me being young, them being old but what is it with nudity?

We’re all beautiful. You, me – our neighbours. And this extends further into Nudists and Nude Colonies and Nude Beaches. But even then, it seems these people are few and far between. People are uncomfortable with themselves and their bodies and more often than not, its these people I come into contact with.

Its sexualised, yes. We find nude people super attractive, fair enough. But what if I want to walk around naked and it so happens people are at my home? Watch their nose turn up when I mention walking around naked. Stop thinking of me sexually – I don’t. I am just comfortable.

And lastly, the reason I bring all this up is one method I have with my submissive is to have her do her activities – her daily journal, her mantra – absolutely naked. This is because I want her to get used to living in her own skin naked. I want her to feel the gentle breeze skim across her nipples. I want her to feel sexy. More than anything, I want her to feel confident because she doesn’t. For whatever reason, be it society telling you what’s attractive or what, she doesn’t. I think we all need to practice being comfortable in our own skin and that others should exercise it a bit more.

EXHIBITIONISM seems like it can be a useful tool in this regard. Myself, I haven’t found the opportunity to seek out that task. Life gets busy and you forget to take charge.
I feel this activity, provided its practiced safely, can be liberating to the insecure person. Maybe we all need to try it out a bit more.

Somewhere along the lines, some of us have lost that confidence and I just hope in time we can rebuild it back up.

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