Just Write

So. I just got an email from a reader of my blog and it struck me as sad and it’s for these reasons that I want to write this piece.

If you’re going to write in to me, if you want to write in to me, there’s a couple things I, personally, want you to know and understand.

I’m not as busy as you think. I’m not running around like a headless chook, know that while I may work, I also definitely check my email daily and respond in full as soon as I can.

I don’t respond to emails to be polite to you, to what a reader described as ‘a self proclaimed fangirl’ – I respond because I want to. You must understand, I started this blog not just to share my fantasies and satisfy a part of me, I did it in case it could inspire someone as awkward as I was when I started off.

So I love hearing from people – young, old, male, female, Australian, American, Norwegian – the more the merrier. Language barriers be damned! I love conversing with people and I love talking BDSM and it’s lifestyles.

Whether you’re a fan or seeking answers or even if you a bone to pick with me about something I wrote. Grill me. I welcome all of it, criticism, friendly chatter, the like.

You’re not bothering me. At all. In all my years of blogging, in responding to the kind people that write in, I can honestly say not one email has bugged me, not one. Even if one person has a laundry list of questions, I’ll sit down and work it out with them until they’re more spent then I am. Seriously. So never ever think that YOU are the person that will be too much for me, because that just won’t be the case. Try me, I dare you!

Do you want to write but don’t know what to say? Do you feel stupid because I can talk so openly and you find it rough to? I’ve had years to process how I feel, to work to rise above my own shyness. I was the same as you in the beginning. We all start somewhere and blossom on our own time.

I will say this though – just write. Don’t worry about grammar or context or anything, just write. I honestly care not for long novel-length texts, I read every word and respond. I’ll even write a long novel-length email of my own.

Start at the beginning. Write how you feel. Find a place to start at, to get the ball rolling, and then just let it go – just write and let it loose. If it feels good, write it. If it doesn’t, write it anyway and send it.

Too many times have I read that someone wanted to write in sooner or deleted several iterations of the email they just sent – and it breaks my heart.

I know I can’t TELL people what to do. I know I can’t get people to talk as frankly as I do, but I’m writing this because I want you to know, anything you have to say, in any way, is perfectly A-OK by me and that you should not feel shame or delete what you write, because I mostly certainly want to read it. Don’t even press that delete button or I’ll slap a crop against your knuckles!

Be yourself. That’s all I ask of you. Everything else, please don’t worry. I’m not as scary as your mind makes me out to be!

TD&D

There’s Some Kind Of Nude Photographer In Me

 

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It seems I’ve been writing about nude photography a bit lately. The Conduit came to mind recently but I had expressed an interest before by jotting down Expression earlier in the year.

Personally I like Expression more and I am sorry I’ve repeated myself, I hope you’ll take away different things from the two posts. I think this repetition is due to bearing the curse of being a writer – we’re always constantly rewriting what’s in our minds.

Nude photography has been in my mind this week. I can’t really say why – If I had to guess, I think it’s the appeal of working together with the subject of the lens to complete a vision. There’s something rich about that – people working, co-conspiring on a piece together. The art being created from that.

There’s something else though – there’s beauty to it, not just in setting or man or female but in being granted that opportunity to capture – the curves, the lines, the reality of this human being.

I have plenty of ideas I’d like to express, from the fantastical to the surreal, but mayhaps it’s just a funny idea you think of in your down time every so often. Like owning a beehive or becoming a food critic.

Oh have no doubt I’ve run my musings by my lady. She smiles sweetly, shyly, the idea working in her head. I’ll keep asking when it comes to mind. She doesn’t mind the lens but she doubts herself, despite my unwavering reassurance. I understand. Some don’t care for the confrontation, some just don’t want to be nude on camera plain and simply.

For the avid readers on my blog, does it come as a surprise that I am fond of the 1986 Anne Rice Novel Belinda? For the unaware, Belinda tells the story of a 44 year old man who becomes infatuated with a 16 year old girl. They fall in love in the intimate setting of his apartment, where he likes to paint nude portraits of her. It’s strange and sensual, erotic and dark. Wholly unique.

That novel deals with the theme of obsession. But what I take away from it is the absorbing concept of capturing someone in a creative and entirely new manner. For, what else can the lens or canvas capture? What of its world? What of the beauty, naked to the eye but not to the brush or lens?

 

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50 Facts You May Not Know About Me!

I was inspired by another user’s post / challenge to write 50 facts you may not know about me. I hope you enjoy these!

  1. I write music and sing! I couldn’t put it into a genre – it’s me, a keyboard and my hopes, my dreams and my nightmares.
  2. You best believe I once masturbated in the bathroom of a KFC restaurant many moons ago. Was it finger licking good? You know it.
  3. My very first BDSM experience was with humiliation and degradation.
  4. I’m an avid gamer and reader and movie buff.
  5. I’m also a bit of a metalhead, though I’ve certainly softened in my later years.
  6. Oreos are an addiction to me.
  7. I will be reading several books at once, because I often start one before finishing the other – and the cycle continues.
  8. I’m a huge Disney animations fan.
  9. I will randomly sing songs from West Side Story.
  10. My first erotic story was an incestuous lesbian story.
  11. I am often incredibly tough on myself and any mistakes I’ve made in the past.
  12. I have been told my voice is calming. It has been said on multiple occasions that it makes the individual drowsy. Do with that information what you will.
  13. I kissed a girl and I liked it.
  14. I have been caught naked indoors and outdoors.
  15. I have no tattoos because I am concerned with how strange they’ll look when I am older.
  16. I rarely make a decision without obsessing over every miniscule detail first.
  17. I once edged for six hours and came intensely. And it hurt like a motherfucker for hours afterwards. The good kind of ache.
  18. I will often embarrass myself to get a laugh out of anyone. Laughter is the best.
  19. I am a Libra.
  20. Storms arouse me.
  21. A drunk man serenaded me with Pearl Jam songs on a train once. He was actually pretty good.
  22. I sleep naked each and every night, even in the winter.
  23. Speaking of Winter, it’s my least favourite season.
  24. Buffy is one of my favourite TV shows.
  25. I find the word ‘Fuck’ to be incredibly sexy to say in some situations.
  26. I relieve stress by creative endeavours – writing, reading.
  27. I saw the ghost of a little girl once. And no one believes me.
  28. I am quite forgetful sometimes and remember the most random things.
  29. I keep a dream journal for the most weird / sexiest dreams.
  30. I adore the horror genre.
  31. I love the language of Spain.
  32. Psychology, and the psychology of the things around us, fascinates me.
  33. I often like to talk, and often don’t like to talk.
  34. I mentor because I’m not so sure the universe wants me any other way.
  35. I am often up late in the day and early into the night.
  36. I don’t drink and occasionally smoke cigars.
  37. Having a friend interested in having sex with a horse is still at the top of wildest things I’ve encountered sexually.
  38. I like to dance. No style in particular, just feel the music and move my body.
  39. I don’t have a bucket list of things to achieve.
  40. I like wearing novelty t shirts.
  41. The Haunted Mansion is one of my favourite Disney rides.
  42. I like to sing Ave Maria in the shower.
  43. I like to sing anything in the shower.
  44. I often exhaust people because my mind runs quicker than my mouth and I’m jumping from topic to topic.
  45. I’m a big Clint Eastwood fan.
  46. I don’t think I could ever stop reaching out to people / helping people.
  47. I generally avoid confrontations.
  48. I do a lot of my writing of the blog at night.
  49. I’m terribly sadistic.
  50. I am currently wearing no underwear.

Let’s Ask Questions: 2018 Edition!

 

As it’s the start of 2018 and there are new people coming to my blog, I thought I would put out another one of these Q/A blog post / threads and give the opportunity for anyone to ask any questions, should they so desire.

Of course, if you are comfortable sending an email, you’re welcome to write to my email, even if it’s just an anxious info dump. Lord knows I do it on this here blog.

Anyway. I found an interesting question out there that I wanted to tackle:

Are Dominants possessive towards women?

Protective, yes. Possessive? I don’t think so.

It’s difficult to talk without a scenario to relate to so I’ll use my own relationship.
My lady has her own independence. She’ll go out with friends, she’ll go for drinks or stop over, whatever the case may be.
I’m not jealous of that. I have no interest in saying she cannot lead her own life, because even in a D/s relationship I think there needs to be this space for independent growth. I think that is healthy.

Keep in mind, she asks for my permission each time and am sure, if I said no I don’t like that idea, she would come home and sit by me. But as I stated above, it’s a healthy thing for her to have that time without me. We can get back to our bubble, our roles and our sex when we come together again.

Now a M/s dynamic would be a little different. I can’t say, because each person has a different opinion.
Perhaps a little possessiveness is endearing, I know my lady feels that way about me.

But if it’s unhealthy, if one person is feeling trapped and suffocating, if a Dominant becomes unreasonable and unapproachable in their possessiveness, I think perhaps it would be a good time to take a step back and reflect and digest on the situation.

That being said, don’t be shy now! The only silly question is the one not asked.

Do Not Let Anxiety Re-wire Your Mind

 

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Whether this is taken as a piece of armour to wear into the week or whether it’s taken as a word of good will in the moment, I wanted to tell you that it’s going to be okay.

I know, I know. I talk a lot about anxiety and not enough about kink – but something struck me during a recent panic attack.

If anxiety is so powerful it can alter memories and convince you of the bad, what kind of effect would that have on your future goals?

I’m guilty of avoiding places / people involved with my anxiety sometimes, because there’s a trigger effect that takes time to fade.

And after I had my attack, I wondered: What would this do to someone interested in the lifestyle, interested in rebooting their life, but when anxiety hits, they throw it all away out of fear, and in the interest of keeping things comfortable.

If I just described you, let me give you some advice: Let the fog clear. Take a mental health day, whatever comforts your mind, and let that fog clear. Because when it does, the answers to the questions you’ve been asking will most likely not be fueled by anxiety and will, in fact, be truthful.

When you’re sitting at the threshold of this new world, hand on the door that will lead you to information about yourself you’d never thought of in your wildest dreams, it’s easy to leave that door closed. Hell, I did it for most of my twenties out of pure fear.

What if I told you, leaning on a dark cane, dressed in a black suit and crimson tie, like some sort of BDSM Willy Wonka, that everything you’ve ever wondered about yourself is beyond this door.

That, at the risk of sounding melodramatic, there is a key behind there to your very existence.

I would warn you that there might be a labyrinth Beyond this door. Maybe there’s a limitless number of doors waiting to be opened for you as you progress, with little resting bays waiting in the wings for you to take break when you are feeling overwhelmed.

Enough with the psychedelic metaphors – my message is this: Don’t let anxiety drive. If it does, don’t despair about turning that car around and making up for lost time.

It may often feel that you’re taking one step forward and two steps back but — progress is progress. Even if it’s slow and doesn’t feel like it, you are still moving forward to the next door.

So: Things to take away from this read, if you’re here:

1. Don’t be dissuaded by anxiety. If Silent Hill protagonists can move through the fog, so can you.
2. Remember to take a break from absorbing information if things become overwhelming. It was for each of us, and when you’ve passed by the sensation, you can say the same to the next group of new people.
3. Try not to run from the future. Anxiety will tell you you’re a fool, but you’re not. Let the fog clear and take baby steps.
4. If you feel like you can never break free of anxiety’s funk, you’re wrong. With a little sunshine, and a tonne of patience, you will find you can lead a normal life.

THAT BEING SAID,

If you have any questions regarding this post, the lifestyle, calming techniques for anxiety or just need a mentor for a moment, please feel free to message me at darkanddominant@hotmail.com

And remember, If I can do this, so can you.

In 2018, You Will Be Alright

 

The D/s dynamic.

Master. Slave. Submissive. Dominant. Switch. Primal. New. Old. Divorced. Separated. Isolated.

No matter what you’re feeling, no matter where you are in life, 2018 will be okay for you.

It’s easy though feel fear approaching the new year. What have you achieved? Where are you going? How will you get there? What plan do you have?

The thing is, through hard work and determination, through taking one step at a time – no matter if they’re baby steps – you’ll be perfectly fine. It’s an old saying but it’s something that I found when I was at the lowest in my life – things have a way of working themselves out. What that means for you, time will tell – but things tend to fall into place.

But you can’t expect things to come to you. These things take work. Time. You have to want what you’re seeking. And some days you need to challenge yourself, cauterise the negative thinking and get out of bed.

The same goes for people new to the dynamic, new to exploring where they fit into all of this – whether you’re single and looking for the right partner, whether you’re in a marriage and trying to find the right balance –

All you need is patience, love and the drive to explore and educate. You may not feel up to it every day, some days it will be tough and overwhelming and you will feel like you are about to crash, but keep pushing, keep moving. Keep thinking this is just one day, tomorrow is a new start. A fresh start.

You can achieve anything. If I can, you definitely can.

 

The Dominant’s Growl #2

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Good afternoon, Good evening and Good morning!

I trust you all have had a wonderful week, I hope it has been fruitful and…delicious. Let’s get onto the questions!

FinnWest2015 asks:

Does a great Dom first have to be a sub?

Communication is a big part of growing as a Dominant, I believe. I learnt what I know now from experience with the lovers that have deemed me worthy of their time. In those experiences, I was always the Dominant one in and out of the bedroom and this allowed me to think about what I wanted for myself and of course, it lead me to establishing etiquette, right from wrong and when to push the submissive out of the comfort zone. I fell sometimes. Hell, I fell a lot. But it was through my experience with people that I stumbled and found out the error of my ways. In doing so, I believe I matured.

So does a Dominant have to become a submissive first before learning how to lead? I don’t think so, because the elements that make up their personality should be ever present and ready to shape itself and learn and grow. It’s not necessary for this personality to be submissive And the best way to grow is by your interactions with people. I hope this has helped.

SlaveBri asks:

Before getting into a D/s relationship – When two people are “courting” each other – should this be like any other relationship?

Any relationship – D/s or otherwise – needs a solid foundation there, between both partners. Dominant or submissive, you need to get along. What you are looking for in a partner factors into this – do we have similar interests? Can we curl up on the couch at the end of the day and watch our favourite show? Whatever the case when it comes to you, I think there needs to be a few months, lets say 1-3 perchance – where it’s just regular vanilla. There’s nothing wrong with vanilla, it’s delicious. So just relax and try to have fun.

Get to know one another’s traits, aspects of their personality. This is important, especially in the context of a D/s relationship, because this person is going to be your submissive or your Dominant. You need to understand if you want this level of intimacy with this person because at the end of the day, this is about you and your happiness.

So yeah, I think courting each other for a while, say, a few simple dates, is recommended. The basis of any healthy relationship is genuine affection and love – that and hard work to keep the relationship healthy and thriving. Courting will allow you to size each other up before coming to agreements on the contract and so forth.

In a relationship, this person is going to see you at your best and your worst. You’re human and generally that means we all come with flaws. At the end of the day, you might just want to cry or you might just want to hug and eat bowls of ice cream, I don’t know. The point is that we’re human and besides the D/s aspect of a relationship, this is what’s here – two people that love each other and are going to make mistakes, maybe even fight, etc. And that’s all part of the parcel and that’s beautiful. That’s life.

I rambled there but I hope that helps.

Write a thank you message to a sub, past or present, that helped you become the Dom you are today.

Thankyou, miss, for giving me the gift of your body so that we were able to explore ourselves. All those mornings you knelt beside my bed and offered yourself for my services, all those nights we pushed each other’s boundaries, all those times we couldn’t resist each other – they planted a seed within me that slowly transformed me into the person I am today. If I had to thank anyone, it would be you and your sexuality, your primal being. You lit the fire and now it’s all consuming.

I hope you all have enjoyed my responses today. For anyone else, you know the drill – leave a question either in the comment section below or at my email and I will respond in a forthcoming entry.