I’m Just A Geeky Dominant

When I’m talking to people from the lifestyle and something comes up, like music or tv or an upcoming Disney film, they seem surprised that I’m that excited about, say, the upcoming Frozen II – which I’m FREAKING excited for. But anyway.

I guess there’s still a bit of a myth about dominants out there, that they’re all serious and adult and dark and mysterious. Although I’ve been called all of those things at one point or another in my life, I’m also a huge geek.

So I wanted to just – basically – pull back the curtain – for those curious – and geek out with you all, on this fine sunny Melbourne day, about my interests.

So, if you were to walk into my house, the first thing you’d notice was my collection of pop vinyls. Yes, I’m one of those people. I have them on my bookshelves and across my entertainment unit. I collect Disney villains, other such Disney characters from my favourite films and a long line of horror villains guarding my horror DVDs.

Why do I collect them? They’re little (and affordable!) reminders of the stories that inspire me and drive me forward. They’re reminders to not lose sight of that side of myself in the daily grind that is adult life.

It helps that, on top of one shelf, I have Ripley in the Power Loader facing off against the Queen Alien – both from NECA, how I love thee.

Beyond those, I’m an avid gamer. I own a PS4, Xbox One and Nintendo Switch and when I’m not working on a new project or writing, you can find me gaming. RPGs, Horror games – I love them all. I love storytelling across all mediums and I love looking at aspects like voice acting or motion capture or the presentation of the game itself.

Some of it has a way of getting under your skin and getting you to confront your beliefs in a way that’s really creative and exciting to me. How I find time to do these things, well, I have no idea. For someone that thinks they suck at time management, I seem to be doing okay.

Beyond gaming, I’m a huge movie buff. I love my horror, psychological dramas, science fiction and yes, Disney movies. Some of my favourite films are Eyes Wide Shut, Rear Window, The Hunchback of Notre Dame and Once Upon A Time In The West.

I’m a ferocious reader as well, reading anything from pulpy horror to epic fantasy. I’m also one of those readers who buys new books while in the middle of reading one! I’m terrible. I have a pile – no joke, a literal pile – in my study of books just waiting for me. Margaret Atwood’s sequel to The Handmaid’s Tale, Stephen King’s latest and the list goes on.

I’m a bit of DC comics fan as well. I once bought my kitten panties with seperate prints for The Riddler, Poison Ivy and The Joker. We’re both DC fans here so she didn’t seem to mind!

I could go on and on, such is my rambling nature, but I’ll stop there for the time being. I have to go buy Frozen II tickets and – since l will have no one that wants to go with me – contemplate whether I should go on my own.

30 Days of Kink – Day #21: Favourite Non Fiction / Fiction Books!

List your Favourite BDSM related book/s (fiction or non-fiction).

A favourite non fiction book of mine is Screw the Roses, Send Me The Thorns by Molly Devon and Philip Miller. I bought this for my kitten when we were training each other and it’s usually in the list of books along with SM101 by Jay Wiseman.

The former book is a light read – very casual and light and easy to follow for newcomers. The second is, well, very succinct and concise. Wiseman’s writing is informative but also very dry for my taste. I like a bit of down-to-Earth ease about anything, less of a stuffy teacher in a sleepy classroom feel.

As for fiction, one of my favourites is Captive in the Dark by C.J Roberts. It’s about a young woman who is kidnapped by a man who trains her as a sex Slave. But there’s a twist! He’s training her to break into a sex trafficking ring for spoilery reasons.

The whole novel is very dark – walking the line between extreme rape fantasy, kidnaping thriller and slight M/s erotica. A lot of the eroticism comes from the kidnaping dynamic and the struggle – and for me I felt repulsed but equally turned on and I like being challenged like that.

I read it traveling through Canada on a bus and had to conceal my hardness – just a bit of trivia for you there.

Another couple of personal favourites are by Anne Rice under the name A. N. Roquelaure. The first is The Sleeping Beauty Quartet, dark and twisted and visceral and oh so sweet. They reimagine Sleeping Beauty in…really interesting ways.

The other one by Anne Rice that I’ve always remembered but have yet revisited is Belinda, which explores the relationship between an older man and a young girl. The man is a painter who becomes enamoured and obsessed with Belinda, leading to some juicy drama!

It’s very much about the obsession of passion and art and creativity – and really, I guess, the death of creativity in an artist. Or the idea that you can cling onto it desperately.

But it’s sexy and erotic and I was amazed by the sensuality of it as I read it all those years ago. I need to revisit it!

Avid Reader

He hovers above her,

His cock hard and pulsating,

As it skims the curves of her ass.

She lies nude beneath him,

On her tum,

Legs still,

Hands holding her favourite book

Open and ready.

As his cock traces her anus

Down to her slit

He whispers in her ear

Breath on her earlobe

‘Finish the chapter, sweetling’

Her breath comes

In quivering gasps

‘Yes, Daddy’

She whimpers.

The different meanings of being Dominant

 

Every so often, I stop and think about what it means exactly, for someone to be Dominant. And I get so caught up thinking about myself and my past and my future and how – in the present – I interact with my kitten. There’s a good and bad aspect to this for me.
The good side is that it allows me to reflect. Reflection is good. We get so caught up in our daily lives that we miss simple truths. Or sometimes we grow. Yes, we grow in mere months. Our tastes expand. What I wrote at the beginning of the blog you can find under “His Journals” and I am sure if I read that, I would add to it…and add to it….and add to it. I could keep adding and adding to it that it drove me mad. Here’s where the bad side of it comes in.

I’m sure I could think myself to death. Part and partial of having anxiety is that you think…and overthink…and overthink. It’s like a broken record. You go around and around and around thinking and analysing and coming to the truth, only it’s not the truth, there’s always a piece of information you missed, which means more thinking and more analysing. So I am going to add upon what I’ve said about the Dominant aspect and I’ll try my best to explain it and then somehow fight my compulsive behaviour to revisit and edit. Sigh. Bear with me.

But how is a person Dominant? It’s not just that he/she can top you in bed. Oh  no. Although, to be fair, there’s that. Which brings me to my next point: There’s a Dominant for the bedroom, maybe even outside, and then there’s a Dominant for the lifestyle.

The Dominant within the bedroom just wants to top sexually. They might even want to toy with the idea of owning you outside of the bedroom, purely for a sexual thrill. Like – wearing no panties to work or choosing your outfit for you. That sort of thing.

It’s when it begins to be not just about a sexual thrill but something far richer and deeper that it wanders into the territory of the ‘lifestyle’. And this is where a D/s relationship might come into play. The Dominant that wants in on the lifestyle is the Dominant I am, to use a personal example. If you’ll allow me to be more personal, it’s not enough that I dominant kitty in the bedroom. As wild and passionate and exhilarating that is, I need more. Because that side within me wants the tender love and ownership and control of the person out of the bedroom more than it does within.

It is insane the desire that fuels me to stroke her head and tuck her in. To want to read to her (We’re currently powering through Alice’s adventures in Wonderland of a night). To teach her to build up her confidence and let go of the chains. To nurture her and be a teacher to her. It extends to the symbolism of the collar. This desire to have her wear both a social collar, for privacy reasons in the workplace, and her own collar around the house. Why the desire to collar? Because she’s beautiful, sacred — fucking MINE. (And I can’t even begin to DESCRIBE the surge of possessiveness that came through my body writing that sentence). This beautiful, soulful kitten is mine. Those tender blue eyes, her gigantic ever-giving heart? MINE. Mine to protect.

And I love that. And I want to be her guardian and protector and I want to see that cute choke-worthy neck don that collar. It’s a complicated mess of emotions.

And that, for me, is Dominance within the lifestyle. A complicated mess of emotions, ranging from the deeply loving to the deeply brutal.

Now, of course, you can’t just define Dominance down to two categories – in the bedroom and deeper. I will, however, admit to disliking the individual that poses as a false Dominant when all they really want is sex. This angers me because, to me, that isn’t right. And it’s treating this beautiful man or woman as a cheap tool to which they will use to get off. NO. FUCKING NO. But I digress.

Every Dominant out there is going to take what a D/s lifestyle means to them and alter it how they want to because it suits them. It likes…parallel universes. Right now, there could be a parallel universe where I’m not writing but rather hanging out with my dogs because I felt you guys didn’t want another long-winding post. For every direction made, another universe is created in which the opposite choice is made. It’s science fiction but it’s kinda like that, every person shapes what’s being defined by other people as D/s and Dominant — to fit their life and it’ll go on and on like this for years, long past your existence or mine.

It’s complicated, it’s messy, it’s being Dominant. So if you find a growing interest in BDSM, if these interests start to go outside of the bedroom and start materialising in your personality and in your desire towards your partner or you’re own mind, then it’s the lifestyle for you. And the journey begins.

But, of course, it’s never that simple, is it?