End Of Year Q/A! AMA!

After two seperate encounters this week, one in which a reader wrote in mentioning they wanted to write to me but wasn’t sure how to – and the other, talking to a new submissive about the very meaning of rules and protocol in a D/s relationship, I realise just how hard it is for someone – young or old – to sort out their feelings and to understand just what it is they’ve been trying to describe.

So since I didn’t do a November Q/A or AMA and there have been a few new followers from Tumblr since it’s purging of adult content (Welcome!), I thought I’d create this space for newcomers or people who have questions to ask them here or if they choose, at my email at darkanddominant@hotmail.com

Let me be honest – I’m writing this now for two reasons – the first because I will get a message in which the author apologises profusely for bugging me or taking up my time or for writing at length – and it doesn’t bother me at all. Not one iota. So reading that I can understand, but it certainly still breaks my heart.

The second because it occurred to me (as it does at several intervals in the year) how easy it can be to get lost inside your own head in a D/s relationship, especially if you’re young and new to the lifestyle – or just don’t know who to talk to.

It can be easy to take for granted what I know – but I forget – it doesn’t come easily to someone new.

To that end, please PLEASE feel free to write as much or as little as you’d like. No email is too long, no comment is too meandering. I don’t judge on naivety or inexperience and I certainly don’t shame or think people silly for their thoughts.

I can also use any questions in a forthcoming post so that it can be informative for anyone that has an interest in that line of questioning.

October AMA + Let’s Play Twenty Questions!

Something that I did either last year or the year before and had a lot of fun with was a game of TWENTY QUESTIONS. I gave the option to anyone, follower, reader or lurker, to ask me anything they were curious about me – it could be anything BDSM related, it could be hobby related, anything that sparks their imagination and I’d do the same to them.

Some folks participated, often dropping five questions at a time before putting the next five into words, and it was a lot of fun. So for October’s little AMA, I thought I’d put it out there for regulars or newcomers to ask anything they’d like on top of the regular Q/A. Everything is on the table! Nothing is too sacred! Please don’t be shy! If a submissive or dominant in training has any questions, please do feel at home here.

On the occasion that no one wants to try their hand at it, consider this just a breezy read all the same.

1. How do you handle misbehavior in public? Do you consider discreet but immediate chastisement or do you punish later in private?

I consider discreet first and foremost, mainly because I find that a stern look without any words can be quite effective and has a way of locking my kitten into place from where she stands.

So if kitten misbehaves, I’ll shoot her a look and speak gently in a volume only we seem to hear. And if she wants to try her hand at continuing, maybe she’s feeling extra feisty, I’ll give her another warning and after that, the promise of when she gets home, she’s going to have one sore bottom – that is for certain.

2. How is the punishment responded to? What are your favorite forms of discipline to correct bad behavior?

How is the punishment responded to? Usually a sulk and, if she’s feeling a little bratty, a slight defiance – which I don’t usually react to, given I give her a warning and can’t help but love her fiery behaviour at times.

As for favourite forms of discipline? I like a good old fashioned time out – a la ‘go to your room for x amount of minutes and think on how you’ve been’. Smacking is effective because it usually accompanies my voice which is strict by the time I’m ordering her to lean across my knee.

I also like the idea of writing out a set limit of lines. Spending time in quietness, reflecting on any error, is intriguing to me as a dominant for its effect that It has on the mind. That, and I love kitten’s hand writing.

3. How do you feel about having your submissive not look you in the eye? Do you prefer the lowered gaze in submission? When would it be appropriate for the submissive to look upon you?

When I feel it’s appropriate, say if she has been naughty or overly defiant and attempts to break out of her routine, I will have her stand to attention – back straight, arms clasped, head down – but this is only in times where that situation applies.

I don’t mind eye contact, to be honest. I love looking into people’s eyes, which probably sounds weird but hey. Anyway – there will be plenty of times where I ask her to look at me, whether it’s during when we are playing together or when she knows she’s being naughty and my shift in voice and face has her frozen as our inner dominant and submissive respond to each other in that delightful natural way,

4. How do you feel when a submissive comes to you and says they have no limits? Do you test them right away? Do you try to show them the error of their ways?

Naturally I’m intrigued because there will be this sliiiight part of me, this sadistic part, that will think ‘oh really? Let us see about this…’ – but that is on a pure psychological level because right now in my life I’m starting to understand that testing endurance in different ways is intriguing to that Master in Me, you know?

So when I hear someone say this, my immediate reaction will be to take a walk through their mind and get their input on all the different things there is to talk about. Maybe there is something there to find, a delicious breaking point, and if not, then there’s definitely something to discuss.

I wouldn’t necessarily say I’d show them the errors of their ways – because maybe in doing so I may have made a fool of myself in finding out they really have no limit. But I’ve definitely found pain thresholds in people who enjoy hefty amounts of pain. I’m trying to be vague here haha.

That’s it for my little Question prompts for the Halloween season. Again – please don’t let any shyness get the better of you. Come say hey! Ask me anything – it can be quite literally anything – would I rather have ten horse sized ducks or ten duck sized horses? (Ten horse sized ducks definitely!)

TMI LATE NIGHT TUESDAY! #1

What is sexy time to you?

Oh gosh. You know, I joke a lot using these words. I’ll often say to my kitten when I’m being playful or silly – something along the lines of ‘so, uh…how about after you get out of those clothes, we, uh, go have some sexy time, hm?’

So I guess it’s a silly – slightly humorous way of inciting a sexual encounter, and allllll that that might entail!

Who’s sexier – women or men?

Women, definitely. There’s a gentleness to their features that I adore. It’s in the way they express themselves – a hug or their voice or their presence. Plus, there’s something about a sharp witted, fierce and intelligent woman that I love.

How did you learn to masturbate, and how old were you when you first succeeded?

Oh gosh. How did I learn? I have no idea. Knowing me and knowing that I like to grind my cock against the bed sleepily or not as an adult, I probably did that as a pre-teen by accident and it became a thing.

Do you like taking naked photos of yourself?

I have my good and bad days. I’m certainly not the most photogenic dude but I do it sometimes to challenge that perception.

I happen to enjoy being naked so there’s an exhibitionist part of me, I just struggle sometimes with my own esteem.

What is your biggest sexual fear?

My biggest sexual fear? To falter in the moment when I am to lead. It has happened in the past. My lady had surprised me with my favourite lingerie of hers only for me to be so surprised I’ve been momentarily frozen. It’s a weird glitch in the mind that happens.

Like I’m indecisive a lot but this was different. It’s like – in this moment I doubted myself when faced with this goddess before me.

Bonus: To you, what does the ideal penis look like? (feel free to include artwork or photos).

Huh. Well, I mean. Let me look. *runs to google*

That’s the best I can think of? I mean, I’m no expert. I wouldn’t think size is too important to me. As a man, the bust size of a woman isn’t important, it’s more how wicked her mind can be. But I’m not good with the finding-dick-pictures-on-the-net

Let’s Ask Questions: 2018 Edition!

 

As it’s the start of 2018 and there are new people coming to my blog, I thought I would put out another one of these Q/A blog post / threads and give the opportunity for anyone to ask any questions, should they so desire.

Of course, if you are comfortable sending an email, you’re welcome to write to my email, even if it’s just an anxious info dump. Lord knows I do it on this here blog.

Anyway. I found an interesting question out there that I wanted to tackle:

Are Dominants possessive towards women?

Protective, yes. Possessive? I don’t think so.

It’s difficult to talk without a scenario to relate to so I’ll use my own relationship.
My lady has her own independence. She’ll go out with friends, she’ll go for drinks or stop over, whatever the case may be.
I’m not jealous of that. I have no interest in saying she cannot lead her own life, because even in a D/s relationship I think there needs to be this space for independent growth. I think that is healthy.

Keep in mind, she asks for my permission each time and am sure, if I said no I don’t like that idea, she would come home and sit by me. But as I stated above, it’s a healthy thing for her to have that time without me. We can get back to our bubble, our roles and our sex when we come together again.

Now a M/s dynamic would be a little different. I can’t say, because each person has a different opinion.
Perhaps a little possessiveness is endearing, I know my lady feels that way about me.

But if it’s unhealthy, if one person is feeling trapped and suffocating, if a Dominant becomes unreasonable and unapproachable in their possessiveness, I think perhaps it would be a good time to take a step back and reflect and digest on the situation.

That being said, don’t be shy now! The only silly question is the one not asked.

30 Days of Dominance – Day #1: Define Your Dominance


I did a 30 Days of Kink, which may or not feature a few recycled questions / answers. In the interest of the activity, I won’t look it up. I’ll just write the prompts here each day. I hope you join me on this deep dark adventure!
Does your Dominance – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your preferred Dominant style as Taken in Hand, Domestic Discipline, Top/bottom, Dominant/submissive, Master/slave, Owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

I believe my relationship with my beloved kitty Kat would fall under that of just a Dominant / submissive.
But in saying that, there are aspects within our relationships and personality that have different encounters and / or feelings. She can be a little most times, while I can be a Daddy. Definitely the owner / pet dynamic, with her taking the role as a cat specifically. She loves her scratches behind the ear like I love to give them! 
There’s changes in our moods so at any moment, there will be delicious little shifts and changes in how we communicate, play or react to one another. Whether she’ll be a brat one evening or a cat could entirely depend on the day she’s had, and vice versa for me, which is to say maybe I’ll be an owner, a Master or just myself.
This is why I shy away from definitive labels. Fluidity, I think, is an important factor, those definitions of the types that come out can certainly help a couple in how to explore and proceed accordingly.