Protocol in a D/s Relationship

Protocols in a D/s relationship are a set of rules and concepts agreed upon by both parties and set in place within their relationship to provide organisation, structure and even a peace of mind.

But if you’ve found my site, are curious about the lifestyle and you haven’t had a chance to dig deeper as of the moment you read this– well, hopefully I can shed some light on some of the areas protocol can cover in a D/s relationship.

First off all, I think the most important thing you can do before hand is to have a conversation with your better half, about each other’s needs and wants. See what they are interested in or opposed against, as there may be certain things you can tweak, like the name you give each other, or special unique rituals you share. Maybe there will be a compromise you have to make with certain areas, such as physical interaction if your partner as sore joints or a medical condition.

The Introductory Phase

When you first begin implementing some of these concepts, keep in mind to work through the aspects slowly.

If I may use my own experience here – things can get overwhelming fast and the mind has a funny way of twisting any forgetfulness of concepts and turning that into a false sense of personal failure. My own partner experienced this when she forgot aspects when we first entered into a D/s relationship and even when she realised an aspect wasn’t to her liking after all months after training.

We all learn and adapt and grow and change in different ways, so it’s always worthwhile to approach learning something like this radical change – with patience.

 

Body, Behaviour, Attitude

When you think of body and behavioural aspects in a D/s relationship, chances are one of the first things you’ll think of is kneeling. There are A LOT of kneeling positions and stances a submissive can take in different circumstances but I couldn’t even begin to tell you about them because it’s not something I’ve personally explored beyond a couple of basic stances. So as much as I’d love to say I am well versed in names and positions, I would recommend a little research into some positions and such that you’d like to explore.

I think you’ll find that your attitude and behaviour and the way your body wants to react will come to you naturally. Maybe it has and someone out there has put a name to it already! The important thing is to trust yourself and your thoughts, no matter how abstract and wild they seem.

The right look in a submissive or dominant’s eyes, a beautiful way to stand for your partner – these are all erotic aspects that charge a relationship. Hell, the look my lady can give me sometimes, that I know is a surrendering of her self and senses to me, is enough to drive me wild and insatiable.

Speech Protocols

Speech Protocols are concepts designed to train the submissive to speak according to the specific D/s relationship – a concept chosen and customised by both the Dominant and the submissive.

It can begin with the Dominant and the submissive finding what speaks to each other personally when they come to addressing each other and when or how often? The boundaries are there for them to decide – and this can extend to other areas in their life, such as if they want to maintain speech protocol in public where their kinky sides are hiding in plain sight.

When it comes to addressing each other in a social setting that won’t draw attention, you can get creative. Think of subtle ways in which you can address each other – a casual hand on the shoulder, a gentle tug on the ear lobe. The possibilities are endless!

But speech protocol doesn’t end there – it can tap into other aspects of behaviour, such as if the submissive mishears something the dominant says and will ask a pardon instead of a ‘Huh?’ or a ‘What?’. Perhaps the two personalities will come to an agreement where the submissive refers to herself in third person and in a pet name, e.g ‘This pet had a good day, thank you Sir.”

When I mentor people and this topic comes up, I always like to ask folks what speaks to them personally, deep down in the gut. What ideas tickle their stomach and cause them to laugh nervously?

Personally, I have found that asking them that helps them mull it over and think about what they’d like to be addressed as and what they’d also like to address their dominant.

Dress Protocol

A dress protocol can be a thrilling protocol to experiment with one another. Not only that but it can mean control and order and peace for both personalities and can centre the relationship and the dynamic in both minds.

Speaking personally, there’s a wonderful sense of ownership and control that can come with the various degrees of dress protocol. You’re suddenly in control of someone’s life and wellbeing. There’s responsibility there, but also an intoxicating edge to explore and experiment with dress codes.

How can you dress your submissive around the house? Around work? Parties? Dinners? What if you want to be geeky and buy her some DC comic-themed underwear? It’s all about finding a balance for the dress code in her life, or your life together – but always be open to negotiation

Rituals

Rituals in a D/s relationship are a fun way for both personalities to feel fulfilled and centred throughout their day and week.

From formulating and preforming a mantra – a passage of words that serve as positive reinforcement, while also serving as a type of affirmation to health, mind and relationship of the submissive to themselves and their world – to little gestures such as the submissive asking if they can share the bed of the dominant, asking if they can visit friends, leashing a submissive of the evening as a form of relaxation to even doing household chores.

These rituals come down to what the two of you would like to explore in your relationship in terms of cementing each others’ presence in your lives, either when you’re together or apart from each other.  Have a think about what you want to explore with someone, or with each other. Have a think on the ways in which you want to explore your Dominant / submissive side? What tears at your skin, claws to get out?

Things to consider…

Be patient with one another – this is a time of growth and of learning and sometimes that can take a few tries to perfect and to master.

Be open to change and to suggestions and to new experience – especially new experiences and most importantly, make sure that everything you have agreed upon together is safe within the realms of negotiation.

Vacancy

I feel like, from here until November the first, in the spirit of Halloween approaching, you can consider my blog like a dusty hotel on the highway.

I’m sure you know the kind – the N in Vacancy blinks in and out of existence, there’s not a car in the parking lot and you’re reminded of a fellow that had a house on the hill behind his very own motel from long ago.

You, my dear ladies and gents, are the people stopping by to rent a room. Me? I’m the lowly owner and operator, something, I’m sure I’ll say to you, I have wanted to do for as long as I can remember. I’ll greet you with a warm smile and a story from my past, I’ll tell you about the history of this place, that the pub up the road does the best meals for the best prices. I’ll say all this and more with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye.

Each room might have the same decal, the same musty smell, the wallpaper beginning to crack and peel off, but there’s personality I would think you’ll find. Personality that creates charm. Charm that makes you feel at home.

Oh – and should you find yourself awake in the middle of the night, maybe you’ve ducked out into the dark for a smoke beneath the flickering neon light, maybe you can’t sleep because this bed is not your own, if you find yourself hearing the cries, the sobs, the walls of a young woman, do not be disturbed. For that is my kitten, which I totally do not have chained in the basement, like the little well-behaved Slave pet probably she is.

If she’s wailing, do not be alarmed. She likes to act out when it’s feeding time, she likes to test my boundaries and patience when she’s cuffed. We’re working out some of the kinks, you see. That’s all. Nothing a good discipline will not solve, yes indeed ladies and gents. She’ll be herself in the morning, she always is. It’s just that the evenings make her go a little mad. And in turn that makes me a little mad I suppose. I can’t seem to help myself when she clicks her tongue and calls to me so sweetly. I just can’t. There’s just something she does to me, something I can’t quite put my finger on. Things need to be twisted and taunted, things need to be corrected so she will learn, this I keep telling her.

Anyway. Don’t let me keep you. I hope you enjoy your time here. There is a lot of history to be had from these walls around you. I hope you are open to it’s charms.

If you need anything, anything at all, give me a call. I’m a night owl and welcome the company. Good evening.

Valhalla, Ch. 8 – Rituals

Previously on VALHALLA

Ryan and the new souls arrive in the great hall of Valhalla, where
they become accustomed to the strange and erotic rituals of the Valkyries
and the fighters awaiting Ragnarök. 

Meanwhile, Eira has to obey an order from the All-Father, one that might
prove to unsettle her new friendship with Ryan.

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven |

CHAPTER EIGHT

RITUALS

 

There was something comforting about falling through the darkness…
Ryan came to, bolting upright. Cool air rushed down his lungs and chilled his body.
He realised he was panting as he came back into the world of Asgard, free-falling from the depths of his subconscious.
His vision was blurry with sleep, his mind foggy from the fall.
“You’ll be here for Dad’s birthday, right?”
The voice made Ryan freeze from where he sat. It came from behind him, barely audible. But he knew that voice anywhere.
Ryan turned to look over his shoulder. His mother stood there, wearing her old turquoise sundress she wore around the house to relax in. Her eyes, marked with crow’s feet, lit up at the recognition that he could see her.
“We haven’t seen you in so long, son.” His mother said, with a slight hint of eagerness to it.
“Mum?”
Ryan’s heart kicked into overdrive.
“Is that really you?”
“If you can’t come, I understand. Your father and I know that money can be tight. Travel is expensive.”
Ryan felt his head shake ever so slightly. “No. No I manage…”
There came a knock at Ryan’s door, causing Ryan to whip his head back in its direction.
Ryan Kennedy? A voice on the other side said quietly.
Eira, Ryan thought. He looked from the door to the corner of his room. His mum wasn’t there anymore.

As Eira stepped into the room, chills slithered up Ryan’s spine.
What the actual hell?
“Do I disturb?” Eira said, catching Ryan’s face drained of colour.
Ryan waved his hand in the air. “No No. Not at all.”
In Eira’s hands was a large plate consisting of crisp sausages, salty bacon, scrambled eggs, grilled mushrooms and cherry tomatoes. Beside the mushrooms, a glass of orange was balanced carefully.
“Prima normally does her breakfast rounds to those who wish their breakfast to be in bed, but I thought I would deliver yours myself.”
Eira put the plate down beside Ryan carefully. He could instantly smell the food, causing his stomach to rumble.
“Does that mean you like to watch me eat…?”
Ryan delivered this in a manner that would’ve – should’ve – indicated he was being dry in a humorous way, but Eira looked at him with those large grey eyes blankly.
Instead of laughing, she stood there, wings and arms tucked behind her.
“Uh, never-mind. Thank you”.
“Are you feeling alright, Ryan Kennedy?”
“Please, uh, just Ryan. I keep telling you that.”
“I am sorry. Have I offended?”
Eira cast her eyes down. Ryan’s stomach sank further. “No no, not at all. It’s just…casual, yeah? I mean, I’d prefer it..”
Eira nodded, still keeping her eyes cast down.
Ryan cleared his throat as he cut a piece off his sausage. He wasn’t sure if he was hungry after seeing his mum
(It was just a dream)
but he knew he needed to eat something.

Ryan looked at Eira as she moved her gaze to the ground, her eyes darting as she went deep into thought – but what was she thinking about?
When he couldn’t find the answer, he put the bit of sausage in his mouth. It was still hot, and the taste of grease and meat flooded his mouth at once. He was careful, in the presence of Eira, not to look like a complete slob and let the meat juices fall from his mouth.
In fact, the mere presence of Eira standing in front of him as he ate, coupled with the appearance of his mother in the corner of his bedroom, create an anxious ache in his stomach that wouldn’t leave him alone.
If you can’t come, I understand.
His mum seemed so real, as if he could have reached out and touched her.
And I would never be able to come to another birthday again came a thought that brought with it a pang of sadness.
He didn’t feel like eating then, and pushed his food onto the bed, much to the curiosity of Eira, whose eyes moved from the full plate to Ryan.
Eat” Eira said. “You need your strength.”
“Why? What are we doing today?”
What was life in Valhalla like? Surely, they didn’t train or day and party all night. And where are the books or televisions? What do people do here?
“Eira? What is there to do in Asgard anyway?”
Eira’s face lit up in a smile at the question.
The sight stumped Ryan momentarily. Eira, though certainly passionate, had been a quiet one so far in their time together. This moment was one of few times he had seen her smile.
“Why there’s the Fensalir forest behind the walls of Valhalla, that’s to our south. To the east of Valhalla, there is the Djúpr Valley. There’s something so magnificent about those canyons. I like to go there and meditate sometimes.”
Eira had sat herself on the bed on Ryan’s right. The morning sun that filtered in through the bedroom windows lighted her grey eyes.
“You meditate?” Ryan found himself asking.
Eira nodded. “Mhm! I recite my prayer and then listen to the cosmos. I can feel the energy all around us.”

The notion seemed beautiful to Ryan. He had never thought much of meditation, his life consisted of getting up, working, coming home, eating. Did he lose part of himself along the way.
Noticing Eira was looking at him, he filed the thought away in his mind and set the plate of breakfast aside.
“Give me a tour of this place?” He asked.
Eira led the way.

***

Eira led and Ryan followed.
Valhalla was an enormous structure that Ryan was starting to believe was just a labyrinth of stone and rooms belonging to warriors from all parts of history and from all over the world.
Eira told Ryan what she knew of the place – Valhalla consists of 540 rooms and was originally designed by the two tribes of Gods and Goddesses – the Aesir and Vanir – for a place to come to rest. Soon, conflict arose between the two groups – a conflict that sparked the Aesir-Vanir war.
Eira would not go into the specifics about the war, except to say that ultimately the peace treaty between the two groups has lasted to this day.
Ryan walked beside Eira mystified by the stories but also feeling out of his element. At one point, during Valhalla’s gardens, he had to stop because he was feeling lightheaded.
Something from his past life – that was what it was now, a past life, he is dead. Gone. Finito. – came back to him. A childhood pet, the smell of coffee, his mother with her warm eyes.
With all this came one alarming thought – what did your life amount to? What did it accomplish? And will whatever role he plays in Ragnarök make up for whatever he didn’t amount to in his other life.
He wanted to ask Eira these questions, if only just to get her opinion, but she was in her element leading him on a tour.
Only…
How many of these has she done before? How many people has she led through these halls?Walking back through the halls of Valhalla, chanting began to light up the room. As the two took a few more steps, the chanting grew louder.
It came from a room to their right and, as Ryan drew near, he could make out several voices all at once, speaking in the old language.
He stood at the edges of the doorway and peeked his head in, so as not to disturb whatever ritual was taking place.
Ten Valkyries knelt in the nude, their bodies forming a U shape that curved around a sole nude Valkyrie that stood before them, her arms held up outstretched and her legs parted.
The sole nude Valkyrie, hair kissed by fire, deep blue eyes – stood before an altar lit with candles from one side to another.
Her face was blank, her eyes focusing ahead. Not once did she glance at Ryan.
Standing behind the red-haired Valkyrie was another Valkyrie, with silver hair.
This Valkyrie held her hands behind her back and observed quietly.
Ryan watched the interaction, his mouth agape in fascination while his mind jumped to the nearest logical point – that he was watching a documentary about old tribes he found on YouTube late at night.
“This one is reciting her intiation” Eire said in a hushed whisper.
Ryan looked from Eira back to the red-haired Valkyrie in the centre of the room.
“Initiation?”
“Upon arrival into Asgard, each Valkyrie, should they consent to the role, begins her initiation, followed by her training.”
“Wait – everyone trains?”
“Of course! A Valkyrie must understand not only come to completely understand herself but her place in the cosmos. Awareness, control of pain, discipline. These are things we are trained in.”
A beat passed, then Eira went on. “Each Valkyrie negotiates her contract and terms of her collar to the All-Father. But…there are similarities to each of our training. In the end, this ritual is only the beginning..”
The chanting died down and the room fell silent.
Now, only the redhead Valkyrie spoke, in a shaky, barely audible voice. Ryan couldn’t understand what was being said in the old tongue, but the redhead seemed to grow more confident with each word she uttered.
“Come” Eira said to Ryan. “We have more to see today.”
Eira led and Ryan followed.

***

 

For his first day after arriving at Valhalla, Ryan observed the training process, along with a handful of souls.
These souls sat on the side lines as Eira led a demonstration into training, sparring with another Valkyrie named Líf, whose eyes were golden and who seemed to have a prickly attitude.
Back and forth Líf and Eira danced, their wooden swords smacking against each other amidst their grunts.
The two Valkyries moved gracefully, matching each other blow for blow. Eira was the quicker Valkyrie, by the time Líf had finished her move, Eira was onto her next attack.
Ryan watched in awe, his mind stumped at how this quiet, soft spoken woman that had led him through the forest was now darting and twisting and bending backwards to avoid the Valkyrie named Líf’s moves.

When Eira swung the legs out from under Líf and pinned her wooden sword to her throat, Mist cleared her throat.
“A fine demonstration, Valkyries.”
Eira and Líf found their feet, bowed at each other and then at Mist.
“Fighters as well as lovers!” Mist barked. “The best of the best are here among you, warriors! Soon you too will learn from them!”
Learn to do that? Ryan thought. That would take years to learn all that.
He watched as Eira and Líf stood by either side of Mist.
There, in that line of Valkyries, Ryan saw Kára.
If Valkyries had a special sense of knowing when someone was looking at them, Ryan didn’t know about it. But when Kára looked his way instantly and smiled, something in his stomach twisted.

Training broke for lunch, where grilled chicken and vegetables were served, as well as creamy mead and dessert, the likes of which Ryan has never tasted before – not in his over lifetime anyway.
Training would resume after lunch again until dinner, in which a three-course meal of the finest meats and vegetables were served to the point Ryan was feeling exhausted and stuffed.
Eira was there with him all through the day, answering his questions, helping him practice his fighting stance and swings.
Occasionally, with a glint of shyness to her eye, she’d ask if he would like to engage in intercourse.
Still feeling embarrassed after losing control and smacking her, Ryan found the words to politely decline the offer – and stressed his gratitude all the while.
When the hour grew late, Eira escorted him back to his chambers.
Part worried what Eira would get up to in his absence (though he didn’t understand why), part worried an apparition of his mother would appear in his room, her warm eyes acting as tiny lights that would peer at him in the darkness from the corner of his room, it took Ryan a while to find sleep. He tossed and turned and turned and tossed.
Tomorrow, he would have to observe fighting, maybe even spar himself. The thought curdled the food in his stomach.
For now, he had to try and sleep.

To be continued…