Vacancy

I feel like, from here until November the first, in the spirit of Halloween approaching, you can consider my blog like a dusty hotel on the highway.

I’m sure you know the kind – the N in Vacancy blinks in and out of existence, there’s not a car in the parking lot and you’re reminded of a fellow that had a house on the hill behind his very own motel from long ago.

You, my dear ladies and gents, are the people stopping by to rent a room. Me? I’m the lowly owner and operator, something, I’m sure I’ll say to you, I have wanted to do for as long as I can remember. I’ll greet you with a warm smile and a story from my past, I’ll tell you about the history of this place, that the pub up the road does the best meals for the best prices. I’ll say all this and more with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye.

Each room might have the same decal, the same musty smell, the wallpaper beginning to crack and peel off, but there’s personality I would think you’ll find. Personality that creates charm. Charm that makes you feel at home.

Oh – and should you find yourself awake in the middle of the night, maybe you’ve ducked out into the dark for a smoke beneath the flickering neon light, maybe you can’t sleep because this bed is not your own, if you find yourself hearing the cries, the sobs, the walls of a young woman, do not be disturbed. For that is my kitten, which I totally do not have chained in the basement, like the little well-behaved Slave pet probably she is.

If she’s wailing, do not be alarmed. She likes to act out when it’s feeding time, she likes to test my boundaries and patience when she’s cuffed. We’re working out some of the kinks, you see. That’s all. Nothing a good discipline will not solve, yes indeed ladies and gents. She’ll be herself in the morning, she always is. It’s just that the evenings make her go a little mad. And in turn that makes me a little mad I suppose. I can’t seem to help myself when she clicks her tongue and calls to me so sweetly. I just can’t. There’s just something she does to me, something I can’t quite put my finger on. Things need to be twisted and taunted, things need to be corrected so she will learn, this I keep telling her.

Anyway. Don’t let me keep you. I hope you enjoy your time here. There is a lot of history to be had from these walls around you. I hope you are open to it’s charms.

If you need anything, anything at all, give me a call. I’m a night owl and welcome the company. Good evening.

Causality, Sexuality and Fate

If you’ve clicked on this article looking for any definite answers, you’ve arrived at the wrong place. But what led you here, right now, to this very blog? What was it about this headline that caught your eye? What led you to open this?

A simple answer would be to say that our individual development and backgrounds lead us to develop into the person we are in this very moment. But is there something more to all of this? Is there something underlying each point of our lives, arriving precisely when we need it to?

Before I move on to exhibits as examples into my mindset tonight, I should preface this by saying I’m a religious man. I was raised catholic in a conservative household – I did my communion, I attend Palm Sunday – I did the whole she-bang.

In my adult life, its complicated – I don’t attend mass, but I believe in something bigger than me. I eat meat when I’m not supposed to and I blaspheme more than I should.

I link the rituals and worshiping of some D/s practices to a religious experience, though don’t take that as meaning I believe I am a God. I’m just a guy writing a draft on his phone at 2-30am.

But I digress.

Exhibit A: Berserk, Vol. 18

In this sequence from the manga Berserk, a woman follows her fellow prostitute, in the dead of the night, to a pagan orgy. She then proceeds to punish her. The more dominant one then apologises, embracing the younger one.

It’s a twisted act and comes straight after a mind-melting sequence that’s all sorts of body horror, but therein lies the interesting aspect.

Why does it arouse me?

Okay, sure, it’s one woman spanking another. That’s the simplest explanation but it’s also the most unsatisfying one.

See, it takes a certain mind to go from horror to arousal. Those are two completely different tones. And in this sequence, even the spanking comes with a deep characterisation and a vague sense of WTF.

So what led me to Berserk, this ultra violent manga? That was it a dark fantasy and horror.

Okay, but what led me to horror? And why is it I too can shift gears from dark and disturbing to sexual arousal.

Every good horror knows how to utilise tension. There’s the build up and release and a time to catch your breath. Is this piece executing that concept or is it merely setting up a character interaction later on? I don’t know. Is it the build up of horror lead me to want a release? Or is it merely the characters in that specific setting?

Was there some kind of otherworldly force leading me to Berserk from the very beginning, events that led me to horror to fantasy to dark sexual adventures?

And why is it my individual development lead to an interest in horror? What was it that led to an interest in darker things? And did my darker things lead to my interest in kink and BDSM? I could even take this one step further —ay hello again!

And all of THAT led to this very moment, to me writing this, to me reading Berserk. To the sexual gratification.

Exhibit B: Horror Movies

Halloween and Friday the 13th popularised, if not established, this sex-and-Death aspect in slasher films.

I mean, you know about the sex-equals-Death rule. We won’t touch that. What’s the correlation between sex / nudity and creative murder sequences? And why is it sensual? I’m not talking about the murder OR the death sequences themselves. I’m talking about the lead up to it? Is it just danger? Does it fulfil some deeply primal feeling of lust? Why is one always around the other? Has it become tradition for sex to find death or is there something else?

In some cases, the movie can lead the viewer to form their own fantasy about being stalked. In this case, it is interesting to note that this can take the form of the primal / prey identification in our sexual lives.

A cynic would say – these are just slasher films featuring teens set to appeal to a teen demographic – but the idea is there. And furthermore, how many people find it arousing or are drawn to this idea that it’s appealing? Let’s watch a slasher film – there’ll be tits and death! The men have the nakedness, the women have…errr…a cute guy?

Okay. So it’s appealing to the teen male demographic? That can’t be. I am a part of horror communities where the ladies enjoy it just as much as men – my kitten included.

So where’s the link?

And furthermore, has all our lives been building to this one moment – you reading my blog, me writing this blog, you and I watching horror movies, maybe even finding the same image sensual. Why? And how many people within BDSM are horror fans? I know enjoying kink doesn’t automatically make you a horror fiend. But I do wonder if one leads to the other? And why it came to either of those leads?

For the Teens…

Occasionally a teen will write me and mention they’re scared of their own mind. Well, ladies or gentlemen – if you’re of the teenage variety and have made it this far, let me tell you – we can be attracted to darker fantastical impulses and that can be completely fine. It doesn’t mean we are going crazy, it’s not a sin or something to shy from.

As long as you practice safety first and foremost with these fantasies, you should be fine.

And if you ever think you’re in the bad, know I’m the guy aroused by fantastical pagan orgies. You’ll be fine!

The Night They Took You Away

  
This is how it goes:
You snap awake. The first thing you notice is you can’t see anything. It’s not just dark, you can feel the fabric of the blindfold over your eyes. It’s coarse and irritating your forehead.

The second thing you notice is your hands are bound. Wait, that’s not at all. So are your legs. Which way are you facing? What direction is up? What direction is down? You start to squeal but that’s the next thing you notice – you’re gagged. You can taste the rubber as you try to call out. It’s metallic taste makes you gag.

Your world is thrown into light. Blinding light. It takes a few seconds to adjust to the environment but when you do, you see…
People. Standing all around you, gathered in a circle. Their arms are linked and their heads are down.

You hear the person that brought you into the light walk away from you, their footsteps echoing in this room. What is this, you wonder? What the fuck is this? You struggle to move but you are secured right. It’s rope, you think. You can feel it scratch against your ankles and wrists. 

Wait, more than that – you’re naked. You can feel a gentle breeze against your thighs. It travels upwards, tickling the lips of your cunt.

How did you get here, you wonder? You try to trace your thoughts back. You remember a party. A Halloween party. But that’s all. The rest is…foggy.
That’s when you hear it. A low chanting. It makes you turn your head in surprise. And you notice it – the men and women gathered around you – the one linking their arms and bowing their heads – are completely nude. You take the sight in, just to make sure the darkness of wherever you are isn’t playing tricks on your mind. You squint to look a little closer. You noticed a man’s shaved cock. The woman beside him has a landing strip. You notice her breasts rising and falling. Is she scared? Or exciting? The sight of these nude people strangely arouses you.

Wait, playing tricks you think. Is this a joke? You try to ask that but what comes out is muffled.
That’s when the chanting rises. You can’t understand it but it sounds Spanish if you had to guess. The others around you join in on the chanting and suddenly the voices are booming across the room. Reverberating. Becoming one. 
The candles go out. You didn’t even notice there was candles in the first place. Then the room is plunged into darkness. The chanting continues. You try to break free, struggling once. Then once more. But it’s no use.

Then there’s a gust of wind and you get the feeling someone is standing beside you.

“Accept our offering, O dark one” comes a woman’s voice. “Let this seduction and darkness sate you for another 13 years”
It sounds a little silly to say the wind is knocked out of you but that’s exactly what happens next. You feel the unmistakable sensation of a cock sliding inside you. It sends shivers down your spine and sends spasms traveling across your body but you are locked in tight. You can’t move. Whoever, whatever is on top of you, inside you – is ferociously pounding you. You’ve never felt such energy in all your years take you like this is taking you now.

You hear moaning in the darkness. The people gathered around? Are they fucking? It’s a man’s grunts, it’s a woman’s husky moans. 

Pleasure. Pleasure is sliding over you, washing over you. It’s warm and delightful and…frightening.

This aggressive cock, what seems thick and hard and never backing down, never ceases it’s speed. It kind of hurts, but in a good way. There’s an ache but…no, you shouldn’t be going along with this. 
You try to break free but you feel a hand run against your cheek. It’s soft and calming. Feminine. 

“Hush, child” the woman’s voice says. “Give yourself over. It’s easier that way”

Her voice sounds gentle and soothing. Middle aged. Mid forties if you had to guess.
The hands remove the gag from your mouth and your first impulse is to gasp for air. It feels so sweet. So divine. 

You try to speak but all you get out is “please..”

You feel rough hands glide down your hips, hot breath on your neck. It frightens you. Whoever is on you is not showing signs of slowing you down. You try to break free.

The woman coos you softly. “Here, child”

You feel a nipple fall across your tongue. For some reason, your first instinct is to take the nipple into your mouth.

The woman lets out a low moan as you do. The sound compels you to suck harder. You feel dizzy. You feel a nibble on your neck from the man on top of you, the one violating you.

That’s when you feel milk spray across your tongue and down your throat. It catches you by surprise but you don’t stop. You swallow it down. It’s warm and creamy. 

“This will soothe y-you, child”

For a moment, you flash on something. You feel good. You feel like a good girl. You feel like you’ve been laying for an eternity suckling while being pounded raw.
Every thrust comes with a tinge of pain but an overwhelming amount of pleasure. You feel it rising. You can’t help it. Pain and pleasure and shame all at once comes crashing down over you as you spasm forward, your mouth clenching down on the nipple around your tongue. You let your orgasm wash over you as you lay there. And that’s when the man grunts. And you feel warm come spray across your stomach. 

“May I too, Master?” Says the woman whose nipple is on your mouth.

Silence. But then you hear it, the wetness of the woman. She’s masturbating while you are suckling. The sounds of her juices and her soft cooing as she plays makes you want a second round.

“Kathryn, step forward” says a male voice. 

The words make you spit the nipple out. “What’s going on?”

Your voice comes out low. 
“You are the offering to our dark lord” the woman says between moans. “Our toy to seduce and fuck in his honour”

“Whose Kathryn?”

“An initiation to our ranks.”

You feel gentle hands run across your thigh. The old woman sits her nipples back in your mouth and you fall back into a state of ecstasy.

“Tonight, we not only celebrate our long time success at satisfying our dark lord, lest we feel his wrath. But we also celebrate a birth year! Happy eighteenth Kathryn”

The circle around you echoes what the man’s voice says.

“You may begin”

“Yes, Sir” says a voice between your legs. You feel her warm breath skim across your clit. Then she lowers her mouth on you and feasts .
It goes like this: you are used and abused in that room. Each member of the circle takes their time coming on you, feasting on you, fucking your mouth, your ass. How many times you are made to come – it’s countless. Your mouth is dry, your cunt is dripping and your ass tingles – much to your confusion. One person even slapped you hard enough to bring back memories of your father smacking you as a child. 
When all is said and done, you are put back to sleep. And you awaken back in your bed, back in your home. Back with your stuffed animal toys. You are bruised, your cunt is raw, the taste of milk lingers in your mouth. You are weak all over. You think it was a dream. I can assure you, it wasn’t. 
Happy Halloween!