There’s something so delightfully wicked about hair pulling. I mean, besides the gut wrenching feeling rising from my balls to coil in the pit of my stomach, there’s this animalistic savagery to it that draws me in, there’s something so satisfying about grabbing a Fistful of her hair, turning her head, exposing her neck, sinking her teeth in.
There’s something about dragging her behind you while her strangled whimpers attempt an apology, No Siree she definitely won’t talk back because by the time I’ve finished claiming her she will have lost her voice in losing her mind.
I like the idea of the pain she could feel. I can almost sense it splintering off from her scalp, sending lightning fast jagged forks of hurt down to her breasts where it spirals around her nipples, transforming pain into maddening ecstasy.
And yet – wait. Pump the brakes.
All this occurred in my mind, for what felt like hours. In actuality, this scene, these sensations, pass in a heartbeat. Time is a fickle mistress.
Every time I get the urge to do this, to act it out, my mind relents. It gives way to this softer version of myself. I don’t know if this is an anxiety disorder matter or a confidence issue – I just feel….shy. I feel gentle. And every time we get to this point, and kitten is open to this as I am, I pause. I worry I will break her.
I know what you’re thinking – so talk to her, tell her how you feel. Ask for help in gaining confidence. I know. I know. We do – she knows my tells, she reads my face. We’re both good at communicating – it just doesn’t seem to help much. I still have pockets of time where I feel too loving.
This isn’t a new issue with men. Just yesterday I spoke to a woman whose husband struggled to be tougher with her, for the similar reasons. Here’s the thing too – I gave her advice that I could take myself.
Love can often get in the way, we often reach this lovely sense of comfort that can get in the way of the moment. The trick is to be confident within yourself to trust your partner and yourself with safety parameters.
So I guess I’ll begin again.