Hi! I didn’t do an August AMA so this is a bigger one for September.
I noticed there’s a surge in visitations from Germany and Sweden – come say hello! Everyone is welcome here.
Who “teaches”? Take, for example, the submissive is more experienced than the dominant. Can the sub teach from the bottom? Should the dom look to other doms? Perhaps finding a mentor or start at the bottom?
I believe all three – Dominant, submissive and Mentor – can definitely teach and can definitely provide useful insight into the Dominant mindset from different perspectives but if it’s a question whose roots lie in the psychology behind Dominance, another Dominant could help a newbie identify thoughts and feelings – at least that’s how it was from me.
That being said, I know that my lady – my kitten – taught me a lot from the ‘bottom’, mainly encouraged me to push past insecurities and shyness. Through our interactions I also learned how not to behave as a Dominant and how to delicately balance that side with my side out of the bedroom.
She taught me – and my time with her has taught me – how to respond to her body. What’s the right pressure to pinch, to choke – how hard can you slap, how to control the slap – how hard I can bite her nipple before it’s more about discomfort – and when to cross that threshold of discomfort if she’s out of line.
I think a Mentor is definitely useful but that entirely depends on the individual. Some prefer to learn from the community where as some prefer the one-on-one dynamic that mentoring can bring.
It has been thought that mentoring is obsolete in this day and age of the internet but from across reddit or whisper or Fetlife, I find that it goes either way. Some people are happy to ask groups where as there are those hurting in the shadows that might reach out – it all depends on how the individual feels.
For the couples with a busy routine in life, how can you do small things to acknowledge their D/s relationship?
For me, I find that rules and protocol in regards to tasks can help alleviate the monotony of work and that horrid feeling of separation from your Dominant / submissive life.
For example, each and every I have my kitten send me a hello text and picture of her work outfit for the day. A couple could take this further, setting a time to recite their mantra – or the submissive’s mantra – at breakfast and lunch, to help strengthen his or her mind on a rainy day, or to remind them of their existence in their relationship and their world and how important that is for the two of them.
Beyond that, you can get a bit cheeky too right? Think hidden sex toys, vibrating panties, a cheeky nude photo in the toilets at work – that’s one for the extra daring – these can all help to recharge the mind and have a bit of fun.
If the busy work times can extend to after hours, think about ways in which you can implement focus at home – meditation, a mantra for the self when you’re away from your partner. If you know one or the other is going to be busy before hand, arrange for the completion of a task to keep the mind occupied while this occurs so that afterwards you can come together and share the experience. Maybe this task is a fun assignment like masturbating in the bath, maybe it’s a written assignment, research into a topic of the dominant’s choice with a set word count. Be creative!
If you’ve got a question to ask, whether you’re new to the blog, new to the lifestyle or just a casual reader, feel free to ask below or in an email.
Everyone is welcome! There are no stupid questions! Please don’t type out a response and delete it – there is zero judgement here regardless of tastes or background! You have nothing to fear, I promise.