Causality, Sexuality and Fate

If you’ve clicked on this article looking for any definite answers, you’ve arrived at the wrong place. But what led you here, right now, to this very blog? What was it about this headline that caught your eye? What led you to open this?

A simple answer would be to say that our individual development and backgrounds lead us to develop into the person we are in this very moment. But is there something more to all of this? Is there something underlying each point of our lives, arriving precisely when we need it to?

Before I move on to exhibits as examples into my mindset tonight, I should preface this by saying I’m a religious man. I was raised catholic in a conservative household – I did my communion, I attend Palm Sunday – I did the whole she-bang.

In my adult life, its complicated – I don’t attend mass, but I believe in something bigger than me. I eat meat when I’m not supposed to and I blaspheme more than I should.

I link the rituals and worshiping of some D/s practices to a religious experience, though don’t take that as meaning I believe I am a God. I’m just a guy writing a draft on his phone at 2-30am.

But I digress.

Exhibit A: Berserk, Vol. 18

In this sequence from the manga Berserk, a woman follows her fellow prostitute, in the dead of the night, to a pagan orgy. She then proceeds to punish her. The more dominant one then apologises, embracing the younger one.

It’s a twisted act and comes straight after a mind-melting sequence that’s all sorts of body horror, but therein lies the interesting aspect.

Why does it arouse me?

Okay, sure, it’s one woman spanking another. That’s the simplest explanation but it’s also the most unsatisfying one.

See, it takes a certain mind to go from horror to arousal. Those are two completely different tones. And in this sequence, even the spanking comes with a deep characterisation and a vague sense of WTF.

So what led me to Berserk, this ultra violent manga? That was it a dark fantasy and horror.

Okay, but what led me to horror? And why is it I too can shift gears from dark and disturbing to sexual arousal.

Every good horror knows how to utilise tension. There’s the build up and release and a time to catch your breath. Is this piece executing that concept or is it merely setting up a character interaction later on? I don’t know. Is it the build up of horror lead me to want a release? Or is it merely the characters in that specific setting?

Was there some kind of otherworldly force leading me to Berserk from the very beginning, events that led me to horror to fantasy to dark sexual adventures?

And why is it my individual development lead to an interest in horror? What was it that led to an interest in darker things? And did my darker things lead to my interest in kink and BDSM? I could even take this one step further —ay hello again!

And all of THAT led to this very moment, to me writing this, to me reading Berserk. To the sexual gratification.

Exhibit B: Horror Movies

Halloween and Friday the 13th popularised, if not established, this sex-and-Death aspect in slasher films.

I mean, you know about the sex-equals-Death rule. We won’t touch that. What’s the correlation between sex / nudity and creative murder sequences? And why is it sensual? I’m not talking about the murder OR the death sequences themselves. I’m talking about the lead up to it? Is it just danger? Does it fulfil some deeply primal feeling of lust? Why is one always around the other? Has it become tradition for sex to find death or is there something else?

In some cases, the movie can lead the viewer to form their own fantasy about being stalked. In this case, it is interesting to note that this can take the form of the primal / prey identification in our sexual lives.

A cynic would say – these are just slasher films featuring teens set to appeal to a teen demographic – but the idea is there. And furthermore, how many people find it arousing or are drawn to this idea that it’s appealing? Let’s watch a slasher film – there’ll be tits and death! The men have the nakedness, the women have…errr…a cute guy?

Okay. So it’s appealing to the teen male demographic? That can’t be. I am a part of horror communities where the ladies enjoy it just as much as men – my kitten included.

So where’s the link?

And furthermore, has all our lives been building to this one moment – you reading my blog, me writing this blog, you and I watching horror movies, maybe even finding the same image sensual. Why? And how many people within BDSM are horror fans? I know enjoying kink doesn’t automatically make you a horror fiend. But I do wonder if one leads to the other? And why it came to either of those leads?

For the Teens…

Occasionally a teen will write me and mention they’re scared of their own mind. Well, ladies or gentlemen – if you’re of the teenage variety and have made it this far, let me tell you – we can be attracted to darker fantastical impulses and that can be completely fine. It doesn’t mean we are going crazy, it’s not a sin or something to shy from.

As long as you practice safety first and foremost with these fantasies, you should be fine.

And if you ever think you’re in the bad, know I’m the guy aroused by fantastical pagan orgies. You’ll be fine!

Sex and Death: Looking at the link between Horror movies, arousal and our attraction to fear

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Let’s jump back in time to 1980. I’ll shout us all tickets to see the original Friday the 13th, a horror film that would spawn endless sequels, a tonne of copycats and get the ball rolling on the slasher film sub genre. The premise of said nasty thriller? Attractive teens get picked off one by one by a mysterious killer. Meanwhile they fuck and then they die. The film was pretty average, received pretty average reviews and yet was somehow rather successful. Why?

Horror films get a lot of shit for being depraved and messed up and yeah, guilty as charged – but those detractors are either missing the point or refusing to acknowledge it – there’s something there, something within the brain of the viewers, that is attracted to the carnage. I mean, why do the producers mix nudity with death? Why is there a now infamous link between sex and death? Why do we enjoy seeing naked ladies when we know they are going to die? What does that all mean exactly?

Now, I am not saying I sit in my room and get off on torture films. No. No no no. I am a psychological horror person while we are on that subject. No, what I am saying is there is sexuality in these films and then there is the brutality mixed in between. What I am saying is, it stirs something within me. Sharing the experience with my pet, while we passionately talk about the subject and analyse the entertainment, it gets me aroused. It wakes up the beast. I don’t think this is just the nudity portion, maybe its the danger, maybe its the darkness. Maybe there is savage darkness in me and it is watered down by my vanilla side. That’s possibly why I need a balance.

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So we have character archetypes in these slasher films that fit into the sexuality of maybe the members in the audience – the jock, the slut, the virgin. Maybe the arousal lies in these gratuitous features exploring that? Maybe MY arousal lies in the fact that this innocent teenager, this innocent sensual teenager that film producers are using to exploit, is being chased by a figure – a figure who, for the most part of the film, is faceless, thus allowing me to connect with my own imagery and turn that nightmare into something a little lighter and…well, more consensual.

The Danger is key, I believe. Maybe that speaks to our animals. There’s a build up of cortisol there within us that needs an outlet, which leads to adrenaline, which leads to arousal. I do not know as I am no scientist – but horror films do something to me. I generally tend to watch them and enjoy a good savage fuck. It makes me want to tie her up, to gag her, to brutalise her, to ravage her till she’s weeping. And then the cortisol that the horror has built up is unleashed upon her unprepared body. Even talking about, my body aches with desire.

Maybe horror films are a way for film producers to get out their darkness without confronting it? Maybe the actresses want to be in danger, maybe some of them even want to be exposed and ridiculed on set. Maybe I am delusional in that thinking – but what reason would there be for people to make horror films? And why throw sex and nudity into the mix? I’d like to think there’s something far more greater at work than just desire for money.