Dress Protocols in a D/s Relationship (And Why I’m Drawn To It)

The dress protocol is something that can exist in a D/s relationship and can be anything from just the basic clothing choice for the submissive to pubic hair style, type of jewellery, inclusion of hidden toys and so forth.

For couples, it can be something fun to explore together to see how and what you can customise these protocols so that they fit in a satisfying manner in your world. For single submissive’s, it may be worth looking at what idea resonates with you the most. What do you want to explore? Maybe you can explore it on your own to trial it? Maybe you can talk to the community about your interests and gather thoughts.

For me, one of the things that I first wanted to explore as a Dominant in a D/s relationship was exploring some dress protocols with a submissive. In the beginning it was a sort of boyish thrill, you know? Finding someone that shared your mind and was as equally excited to explore the same things as you.

The best thing, I discovered, was tapping into that unfiltered thought a person had and bringing that to fruition. What did she want to explore? What did she think of a landing strip? What kind of underwear did she like? I can honestly say the best part of this, for me personally, is learning together and finding that spark and seeing how the other person becomes fulfilled by it.

It’s still a thrill all these years later, though now it simmers down to a quiet feeling of proudness – a feeling that I’m taking care of this particular soul, as opposed to that manic puppy love you know? Mature is the word I’m thinking of! My feelings have become mature.

But there’s a need and a want to take control as well too – to be an owner. A proud Daddy. This came with my getting older.

Why a need for control? A big part of it is taking care of the submissive’s mind. Something I’ve heard from my kitten, my first proper D/s relationship – and have heard during my time as a Mentor since blogging, I have noticed that handing this level of control over can be a relief for the day, and so hearing this too from my kitten, it gives me – and the Dominant animal in my mind’s cage – some relief to take over in that regard.

I also love exploring that intoxicating duality – the good little business girl on the surface, the cheeky brat underneath. It’s very sexy to me, playing with these concepts but also seeing how my kitten reacts to these concepts as well. Thankfully, I’m blessed to be on the same page most of the time – in turns of kinks anyway. She still can’t bring herself to watch some of my favourite movies!

When I was younger It used to be about dressing a submissive all sexed up – corsets, low cut top, short dresses, g strings (or thongs to you Americans). And don’t get me wrong, we (that is to say kitten and I) are very much about corsets and short dresses and g strings – that’s our tastes – but with age I’ve become, well, mature. It’s about guidance and care before control or degradation.

And then there’s the beauty of it too – how lovely it can be to dress for occasion. What’s the work day like? Is she having a low day? Will these pair of black lacy boylegs make her feel a little more confident? What about when she’s going out with her girls? Feeling a bit Halloween-y today? Let’s go with pumpkins! It’s a responsibility to do right by her as well as a sexy and touching reminder for the both of you.

I haven’t even gotten to the concept of the collar yet, and what that means for me, for her, for our animals.

Sigh. When she’s wearing a short dress and my senses pick up on her bending over and I catch a glimpse of the panties I pick out, I’m content. Put a fork in me, I am done!

It’s a weird sense of calming. Like, this is the life I’ve always wanted and was always scared to have. Brings a tear to me to know I’m finally where I wanted to be, that things have fallen into place.

Am I making any sense?

Shopping for outfits: Strengthening the bond in a D/S Relationship

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Nothing gives me a greater thrill than to shop with/for my submissive. Not only do I get to come to understand her taste in clothing and what might or might not work in the future but it also sparks my imagination just undressing and dressing her again and again. It’s an erotic experience to walk around the shops, everyone oblivious to why we are both are there.

More than that though, the psychology behind it is fascinating. Even when we are outside of role, she will point out a dress, lift it to her marvellous chest and ask What do you think?

The vanilla person hears: Hey hun, what do you think? 

But what she is really getting at is: What do you think of this one, Sir?

With every outfit, she turns to me for my opinion. She will hold up two different singlet tops and look to me for my opinion. It’s in her eyes – that submission staring right back at me. In a single second, it is on me to help make the decision and dress her how I see fit.

It makes a situation that could potentially be mundane be sexually charged. This evening when we were out late night shopping, she held up a singlet top meant for sleep. I leant in very closely and whispered “This will go splendidly with those little rainbow striped panties you have, kitten”

This makes her grin. We are in our own private world, the only ones that matter. Everyone around us is oblivious to our little adventure, our little secret. It heightens the experience and makes the journey all the more fun, as each new day we do this brings something different. Maybe even something we didn’t really know about each other.

More than anything though, it’s a great way to communicate. It’s a great way to get to know each other. It will be a great way for newcomers to grow together and find out about their tastes, so long as their gentle in their distaste.
The submissive might enjoy having someone take care of her outfit choices – I know my pet does, she seem to relish the days – but at the end of the day, we all like feeling sexy about ourselves and what better way to do that than to slip on a dress and a sexy pair of panties. My pets words, scout’s honour.