One Of Those Days

Hello!

I’m still alive.

Readers – long time or lurkers – I’m having one of those days, and I’m in one of those moods, where the fantasy of the ages is pulling some poor unfortunate soul down to her knees by her hair and fucking her mouth relentlessly till I’m spent or she chokes – on cock or cum, I care not.

I can almost hear the squeaking walls of the shower, her muffled moans as she gets her mouthful. I can feel slithers of saliva on my shaft, a desperate ache in my balls. I know I have a load to give her and I want it to dribble out her lips. Maybe she’ll greedily snatch a drop with her darting tongue, maybe she’ll let it run to her tits. She’s done that before. She likes to let it pool across her nipples.

I can picture our red faces, the unstoppable panting, the strands of hair stuck to foreheads in sweat. Both of us completely and utterly spent, our bodies aching, our souls purged, our inner dark beasts satiated for the time being. They’re hibernating now, going into a deep slumber.

BDSM Social Media and Our Own Anxieties

I was scrolling along Fetlife the other day and a thought occurred to me of how awkward it can be for newcomers to make friends or meet someone or even work up the courage.

I mean, that shit is hard enough without the BDSM interests and desire to converse with others in the lifestyle, not to mention the interests in wanting to put yourself out there but finding yourself frozen.

Fetlife can be a great way to get to know others and to get involved in the community but it certainly can be awkward at first, especially if you’re like me and can be incredibly anxious in social situations and so forth. Or just straight up shy.

A good thing to remember is to go at your own pace. You can push yourself in tiny increments but only if you feel comfortable talking in the group settings or going to munches or other such events.

If you feel overwhelmed with it all, do not feel bad or silly or like you can’t ever be kinky. Some have those thoughts – I know I did – but it’s important to recall that we all grow in our own ways at different times.

If you’re ever unsure about what you want or what is proper etiquette when it comes to being spoken to or speaking to someone – there are communities out there that can be helpful. Reddit has a good community for this, with its own BDSM sub-reddit for advice. There are still some small communities across Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr – even post-infinity snap.

Working on or identifying what is making you feel anxious or inferior or weird can help you feel a bit more confident. Tell yourself that what you are thinking and feeling is okay and has certainly been thought of before, by those around you and long before you too. Make a habit of it.

Me? I did it with nude selfies. I felt unattractive (still do at times) and I fought it – and my guilt at liking kink – by putting up nude selfies and experimenting with risky photos of myself. It helped boost my confidence.

Take it from a guy that grew up in a severe, sexually repressed and conservative catholic household and now has the time of his life with rape fantasies. You’re going to feel guilty, weird and insane but don’t let those feelings own you. They will fluctuate and pass. See it as you’re exploring a fantasy within safe parameters.

Keeping a journal can be a productive way of keeping track of your thoughts – or of trapping them to the page where you can digest them and reflect upon them. Writing your thoughts down can lead to truth and clarity. Sometimes it’s good to just write a fantasy, even if you can’t write well, just give it a go and see where you end up. All of this made me feel a bit more peaceful and a bit less chaotic and maybe it’ll help you too.

Maybe Fetlife or other social aspects of the BDSM community isn’t for you and that’s fine. I don’t go to munches or events because it’s not really my thing. People are wired differently.

But if social anxiety or doubt or insecurity is gnawing at you and you want to drop into these things, just remember you can take baby steps to challenge yourself and no one will judge you for it. You are the captain of your own soul.

Late Night Little Musings

One of the things I love dearly about writing this blog are the people it’s brought into my life for whatever reason.

I don’t feel qualified to answer questions, partly for self doubt, the killer of dreams, and partly because I still feel like I’m learning myself and thus young myself. But I like to help because sometimes I can see myself in some who write in. And sometimes I just like to help.

Some people I’ve made friends with, exchanged emails back and forth, others I talk to for a time before they feel confident to go fight on their own and I don’t hear from them again or I occasionally get an update.

Sometimes someone gets in touch and we talk a bit on and off and then I never hear from them again. I get that though. Life is distracting, busy. You gain confidence, you lose confidence. Your work, your routine, even your own thoughts get in the way of you reaching out.

I feel that because I’m still working on a way to not be so physically unable to check in with people in my own life. I know that relentless inability to take that step – and it’s maddening.

Sometimes it’s something and sometimes it’s nothing. Either that makes sense or quarantine is affecting my brain – amongst other things.

Just know my email is always open and operative. You’re not a burden, you’re not a bother, you’re not in the wrong place and you’re always welcome so long as you have that need to talk.

I’ll be here if or when you’re ready should that day come!

From One Shadow To Another

Tell me.

When you lay yourself down in your own pocket between space and time, how do you feel?

When you run your hands along the curves of your breasts, when you skim the edges of your nipples with your fingertips, how do you feel?

I don’t want you to pull out the nipple clamps. Not yet.

I want to stand here a while and watch you writhe and toss and turn and beg for the release that, for this moment in time, only cold hard steel or plastic twisting you into oblivion can bring you.

And how do you keep that little lovely cunt of yours? Waxed? Trimmed? Shaven? Full? I want to see this side of you, so that the next time you run your hands across your bare slit or through your pubic hair, I want to feel it happen even on the other side of the world.

Even on the other side of the world, I want to feel your fingertips move through your soft mound, slip apart your cute, eager lips. I want to stagger where I am at my own point in time, our minds connected by this one act across distances because I can feel you with me, in me.

Can you feel it even now? The quivering breath from my trembling lips as I feel you? My wavering legs as I try to right myself? Can you feel that reverberate within your mind? Tell me.

How does that feel? Are you squirming? Rising your hips off from where you lay? And is your own body trembling yet?

Tell me. How does it feel to have this moment to yourself?

You may use your nipple clamps and tell me. Oh – and if you don’t have any, use your hands. I so do like it when a good girl uses her hands on her own tits.

So. Project to me how you are, how you feel, where your mind is taking me. Tell me through frenzied whispers, frustrated growls, tears of joy, anguished sobs. Tell me how much you want this – to play, to cum, to ascend beyond space and time and comprehension. Rise through the air, across space. Rise beyond the galaxy and form this connective tissue with me.

You may come now.

BDSM In The Time Of Coronavirus

Hello there, ladies and gents! How are you in your part of the world? How are you feeling personally? If you’re in a D/s relationship, how are the two of you? Or more?

For some people, self isolation and quarantine is not much of a challenge at all. My twitter can attest to the kinky fuckery that continues in some of your households.

I, myself, am an introvert and worked from home anyway so it’s not much of a difference, except for the fact of what’s going on the outside running through my head.

But now that my lady is working from home, our dynamic, while there, has shifted in little ways. Little ways but different all the same. For starters, there’s the fact that she’s extroverted and enjoys being sociable and working from home is weird for her on so many levels.

For me, as a dominant, it’s challenging because I’m suddenly apply thinking in ways I normally wouldn’t. I’m not talking setting scenes in different parts of the house – that’s always been in my depraved mind – but in ways to help soothe her soul, her restlessness.

It helps to be cheeky. It helps to take some of that wild spirit within you and sprinkle it throughout the week, you know? A cheeky caress here, a sly reminder there. Remind each other of what exists between you but don’t overwhelm, especially if your work from home becomes overwhelming itself.

But what then? Let’s see. Could you shake up the established rule even more? Try something you’ve never tried sexually, if such a thing exists? What sort of tasks can you create? If you’re a dominant and you want to set a writing task, what topic of choice could you make it? Where can you dance and explore when things are limited to your own home.

It becomes a Theater of the mind – and not just for couples but for those who are single or not yet where they want to be as either a dominant or submissive.

In any case, writing can help centre the mind – be it fantasies, aspirations or musings. Writing can help shed light, can help fill your moments with colour. It can help soothe the soul.

If writing is not your jam, there are other things to consider. What are some things you want to explore? Or work on within yourself? Even setting daily goals – be it a mantra to recite or to finally get around to that thing you keep putting off can make yourself feel good.

It’s going to be hard and it will require some discipline for either yourself or your partner to think of ways to satisfy these sides of yourself but it can be done, even in the comfort of your home – pleasure room or no.

Every Last Thought

He catches her dozing, the book upside down against her tits. Smut again. In that moment, he wanted to punish her – for all the dirty thoughts she had been thinking and keeping to herself.

He crept into the bedroom and began to undress. Freeing his thick, hard cock from his pants felt like heaven. He wanted to play but he kept focused on the mission forming in his mind.

Just as she began to stir, he threw himself on her, tossing the book aside carefully so as not to damage it. He filled her to the brim with his cock and held himself there, looking into her eyes.

“Here’s what we are going to do.” He said as she whimpered underneath him, her eyes bleary with sleep. “I’m going to edge you until you tell me every. Last. Thought. That’s been in your mind as you’ve been reading your smut. Nod if you understand.”

She nodded, licking her lips wet between another adorable fucking whimper.

By the time He was done with her, she was a mess of a person – anguished sobs wracked her body as she felt it all – relief, denial, at the shame of confessing every filthy thought and perverse fantasy. He held her though, arms safe and secure despite endlessly fucking and teasing himself and herself to the brink.

Sleep came for them then.

So This Blog Has Been Running For Five Years Today.

^ I never used to be comfortable with choking until my current partner, my kitten, egged me on like the low-key shit stirrer she knows she can be. That’s why I used this picture. Once upon a time, I used to squirm at choking. I used to feel nothing but distraught and guilt. I still do but now, at least, it comes with a level of horniness, precise control and sadistic glee.

But hello! Happy Thursday! According to WordPress, today marks the five year anniversary of this here blog. Since I’m sentimental about time measurement, I thought I’d indulge in a little note here.

I can’t start a sentence with a ‘I just want to thank…’ without thinking I’m accepting an award BUT I do genuinely want to thank each and every reader out there – the lurkers, the ones who found the courage to ask questions for themselves, the ones who trusted me enough to take me on as a mentor – or life coach, I suppose. Or is that lifestyle coach? Either way, I thank you for your endless support, your constructive criticisms, your challenging and friendly debates and your presence alone.

This blog has been an invaluable source of inspiration and growth for me, as has the people who comment in because concepts have arisen that have helped me reflect upon myself – such as that time I co-wrote a piece with a fellow writer about sadism and why I’m that way. But I feel like I’m still growing and finding things out about myself.

If I learned one thing about this experience, as both a human and a dominant, it’s that writing out my thoughts and reflecting has helped. So don’t let time slip by you. Challenge your thoughts, be who you want to be. Write for yourself. And don’t forget, as long as I’m running this weird blog, you’re never out of an anxiety buddy or someone to unload to!

One last thing. I’m always open to suggestions or things you’d like to see a focus on for this blog. If there’s something you’d like to hear about, let me know! Because chances are, it’s a window open for me.

Kneel For Me

How do I feel about kneeling?

I think it is a beautiful, soulful exchange. There’s something tender and touching about it, something exhilarating and erotic. About guiding her posture and looking into her eyes. About helping her to recite her mantra when she feels down or flat, so that she may be feel some semblance of how I see her.

O! If only I could create a gateway from my mind to hers, so she could see once and for all how I feel about her, as my friend and my pet and my whore and my submissive. How I’ve been wanting to write about her eyes but no world has never felt good enough to sketch in.

But it goes beyond just wanting that for her, it goes beyond wanting to lift her up. There’s a slight possessiveness, laced with a stab of guilt, at wanting to see her like no one else has. Of having – stealing – this moment in time to share together. Of feeling an insatiable, incredible desire that yearns for control and protocol and rules in a way I still don’t understand. This is a part that wrestles with other parts of me. Most times I want to earn her trust, that right to have her kneel. Most times I want to be worthy.

Sometimes I want to be greedy. I want to take. To force. To humiliate and degrade.

“Oh look at you, you poor tormented thing. Look how eager you are, how hard your nipples are. You’ve got it bad”. She’s got it bad, I think? No. I’ve got it bad. Sometimes my mind runs to sadistic tangents and fantasies. Sometimes it doesn’t care because it just wants the view of her bare ass, reflecting back at me from the full length mirror, ready to be marked red.

But there’s beauty in that sadism, beauty in the squeaks and gasps and cries and quiet “Yes, Sir.” or “Sorry, Sir. I couldn’t help myself.”

There’s beauty in these exchanges, on this day or the next.

Wouldn’t you agree?

I’m Gathering Questions for a later Q/A so Ask Me Anything!

Hullo ladies and gentlemen!

We’re at the end of February, seasons will be shifting soon and moods will be changing. I thought that now would be a good time to put it out there that I’d love to do another Q/A with my readers – new or regular.

Anything goes, really. There’s no boundaries to anything you want to ask. It can be about your own journey, it can be about me or something I’ve written, it could be about something you want me to write about, it could be questions about dating or D/s or — anything. For me, as long as you’re comfortable, the sky is the limit!

Please feel free to ask via commenting below or you are always welcome, submissive male or female, dominant female or male, slave, pet, newbie – whoever! – to write to me personally. You can reach me at my Twitter or at my email – darkanddominant@hotmail.com

I’ll be hoarding questions and answering them sometime in this last week of Feb so don’t worry about having too many. The only silly question is the one not asked!

Have a beautiful weekend!

Don’t Let Others Affect Your Kinky Mind

When I was starting to learn about BDSM and kink and dominance, one of the things that was terrible to shake was the idea of what other people thought. What would they think of me or my fantasies? Would they shun me or turn their nose up at me? Did I really think I was kinky when I was just mad?

It took a loooooong time to feel comfortable about myself and my fantasies – which happened to lead to this blog. I’ve been blessed to have people follow and enjoy what I write. It’s given me confidence and in many ways, a safe haven.

Even now, I will get some unsavoury responses to some of my stories or fantasies that I’ve put out there. That’s fine, because people are different and enjoy different things and have different approaches – but sometimes it can still sting a little.

My story – In The Flesh – a particularly dark (dark for me because I let myself go to dark places mentally) erotic story – I’ve been asked if I would actually DO something like that. I welcome questions that engage in whatever I write, because that’s fruitful and stimulating for me. Anyone can write in to me. But it made me think. Is it bad if I say, yes, in a controlled environment, I WOULD do something like that. Yes indeed. And it would make me hard and giddy and switch on this sadistic, Master-like aspect in me.

I guess what I’m trying to write is that I feel something so strongly as that and every once in a while I’ll take a step back and think “Woah, IS there something wrong with me?”. A fleeting thought, but a thought nonetheless.

I think, for those just looking to explore BDSM and kink, that you should by all means have your dark fantasies. And the best thing you can do is think freely without wondering what others think of you, so long as you understand the boundary between reality and play – OR, at least, the boundaries of consensual non-consent.

It may still sting from time to time, if you’re anything like me, but in time you will come to see that everyone operates in a different world and see through their own reality. So should you. And don’t you forget that!