30 Days of Kink – Day #30: Free Time to Ponder

Write or create a list of whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to.

This is it! The last day! And it lands after the beginning of my Christmas themed stories, sorry for that! The last ten days were hard to get out / keep track of!

Anyway, Day 30 is all about free time so what I wanted to do was have this time for anyone to ask any questions, be they about their lifestyle, my lifestyle or just to talk about any stories I’ve written recently. Please don’t be shy, the only silly question is the one not asked.

The other part of Day 30 I wanted to throw out there were things I’d like to try but haven’t yet, for whatever reason.

Now that my lady and I have a place to call our own, I’d like to fully implement pet play into the space. We’ve wanted to play with cages for a while now, we just haven’t had the space until now. So that’s something to work towards.

While I’m on pet play, I would like a honest-to/goodness run. Lungs working overtime, sweat coating my entire body, my heart racing in my ears, pumping that blood, my cock hard from a mix of feelings.

We live in the suburbs so there’s not a whole lot of option to run nude lest I want to end up on the police’s most wanted, heh!

Maybe one day I’ll write a Stepford-Housewives type of story where someone like me discovers this primal underbelly of his neighbourhood and finds a pack in the people around him. Maybe we’re all possessed by the spirit of the country, that could be gold. Maybe my main character will fight the alpha and it’ll end in murder, blood in his mouth, jugular torn out, cock hard. Feral. A mix of savagery and eroticism and just thriller. Annnnyway.

Then there’s the idea of collaborating in erotic art with someone. I like the idea of writing a story with someone of the opposite sex / dynamic, you know? I’ve worked on ideas with kitten in the past – we meld concepts and I do the writing – but I’m always looking for different voices too.

Just Write

So. I just got an email from a reader of my blog and it struck me as sad and it’s for these reasons that I want to write this piece.

If you’re going to write in to me, if you want to write in to me, there’s a couple things I, personally, want you to know and understand.

I’m not as busy as you think. I’m not running around like a headless chook, know that while I may work, I also definitely check my email daily and respond in full as soon as I can.

I don’t respond to emails to be polite to you, to what a reader described as ‘a self proclaimed fangirl’ – I respond because I want to. You must understand, I started this blog not just to share my fantasies and satisfy a part of me, I did it in case it could inspire someone as awkward as I was when I started off.

So I love hearing from people – young, old, male, female, Australian, American, Norwegian – the more the merrier. Language barriers be damned! I love conversing with people and I love talking BDSM and it’s lifestyles.

Whether you’re a fan or seeking answers or even if you a bone to pick with me about something I wrote. Grill me. I welcome all of it, criticism, friendly chatter, the like.

You’re not bothering me. At all. In all my years of blogging, in responding to the kind people that write in, I can honestly say not one email has bugged me, not one. Even if one person has a laundry list of questions, I’ll sit down and work it out with them until they’re more spent then I am. Seriously. So never ever think that YOU are the person that will be too much for me, because that just won’t be the case. Try me, I dare you!

Do you want to write but don’t know what to say? Do you feel stupid because I can talk so openly and you find it rough to? I’ve had years to process how I feel, to work to rise above my own shyness. I was the same as you in the beginning. We all start somewhere and blossom on our own time.

I will say this though – just write. Don’t worry about grammar or context or anything, just write. I honestly care not for long novel-length texts, I read every word and respond. I’ll even write a long novel-length email of my own.

Start at the beginning. Write how you feel. Find a place to start at, to get the ball rolling, and then just let it go – just write and let it loose. If it feels good, write it. If it doesn’t, write it anyway and send it.

Too many times have I read that someone wanted to write in sooner or deleted several iterations of the email they just sent – and it breaks my heart.

I know I can’t TELL people what to do. I know I can’t get people to talk as frankly as I do, but I’m writing this because I want you to know, anything you have to say, in any way, is perfectly A-OK by me and that you should not feel shame or delete what you write, because I mostly certainly want to read it. Don’t even press that delete button or I’ll slap a crop against your knuckles!

Be yourself. That’s all I ask of you. Everything else, please don’t worry. I’m not as scary as your mind makes me out to be!

TD&D

The different meanings of being Dominant

 

Every so often, I stop and think about what it means exactly, for someone to be Dominant. And I get so caught up thinking about myself and my past and my future and how – in the present – I interact with my kitten. There’s a good and bad aspect to this for me.
The good side is that it allows me to reflect. Reflection is good. We get so caught up in our daily lives that we miss simple truths. Or sometimes we grow. Yes, we grow in mere months. Our tastes expand. What I wrote at the beginning of the blog you can find under “His Journals” and I am sure if I read that, I would add to it…and add to it….and add to it. I could keep adding and adding to it that it drove me mad. Here’s where the bad side of it comes in.

I’m sure I could think myself to death. Part and partial of having anxiety is that you think…and overthink…and overthink. It’s like a broken record. You go around and around and around thinking and analysing and coming to the truth, only it’s not the truth, there’s always a piece of information you missed, which means more thinking and more analysing. So I am going to add upon what I’ve said about the Dominant aspect and I’ll try my best to explain it and then somehow fight my compulsive behaviour to revisit and edit. Sigh. Bear with me.

But how is a person Dominant? It’s not just that he/she can top you in bed. Oh  no. Although, to be fair, there’s that. Which brings me to my next point: There’s a Dominant for the bedroom, maybe even outside, and then there’s a Dominant for the lifestyle.

The Dominant within the bedroom just wants to top sexually. They might even want to toy with the idea of owning you outside of the bedroom, purely for a sexual thrill. Like – wearing no panties to work or choosing your outfit for you. That sort of thing.

It’s when it begins to be not just about a sexual thrill but something far richer and deeper that it wanders into the territory of the ‘lifestyle’. And this is where a D/s relationship might come into play. The Dominant that wants in on the lifestyle is the Dominant I am, to use a personal example. If you’ll allow me to be more personal, it’s not enough that I dominant kitty in the bedroom. As wild and passionate and exhilarating that is, I need more. Because that side within me wants the tender love and ownership and control of the person out of the bedroom more than it does within.

It is insane the desire that fuels me to stroke her head and tuck her in. To want to read to her (We’re currently powering through Alice’s adventures in Wonderland of a night). To teach her to build up her confidence and let go of the chains. To nurture her and be a teacher to her. It extends to the symbolism of the collar. This desire to have her wear both a social collar, for privacy reasons in the workplace, and her own collar around the house. Why the desire to collar? Because she’s beautiful, sacred — fucking MINE. (And I can’t even begin to DESCRIBE the surge of possessiveness that came through my body writing that sentence). This beautiful, soulful kitten is mine. Those tender blue eyes, her gigantic ever-giving heart? MINE. Mine to protect.

And I love that. And I want to be her guardian and protector and I want to see that cute choke-worthy neck don that collar. It’s a complicated mess of emotions.

And that, for me, is Dominance within the lifestyle. A complicated mess of emotions, ranging from the deeply loving to the deeply brutal.

Now, of course, you can’t just define Dominance down to two categories – in the bedroom and deeper. I will, however, admit to disliking the individual that poses as a false Dominant when all they really want is sex. This angers me because, to me, that isn’t right. And it’s treating this beautiful man or woman as a cheap tool to which they will use to get off. NO. FUCKING NO. But I digress.

Every Dominant out there is going to take what a D/s lifestyle means to them and alter it how they want to because it suits them. It likes…parallel universes. Right now, there could be a parallel universe where I’m not writing but rather hanging out with my dogs because I felt you guys didn’t want another long-winding post. For every direction made, another universe is created in which the opposite choice is made. It’s science fiction but it’s kinda like that, every person shapes what’s being defined by other people as D/s and Dominant — to fit their life and it’ll go on and on like this for years, long past your existence or mine.

It’s complicated, it’s messy, it’s being Dominant. So if you find a growing interest in BDSM, if these interests start to go outside of the bedroom and start materialising in your personality and in your desire towards your partner or you’re own mind, then it’s the lifestyle for you. And the journey begins.

But, of course, it’s never that simple, is it?

Heaven is BDSM. Heaven is the collar. Heaven is she.

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To hold her neck tightly…to hear the collar jingle as you do so. To share in this deep trust and love. I was made for this. I live for this. This is heaven.

Nothing has made me feel so alive like when I am guiding her, when I can feel the heat sizzle at me from off her body. Or when I know she’s under my command completely so take care of her.

[insert blissful sigh here]

12 Days of BDSM Christmas – Day #4

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What a surprise your face will be when you come down stairs in the morning and find your precious little present lying in wait, chained and begging for release.
But I’ve mentored you better than that. And, my little student  I am proud to say that I know you won’t release her till she has fulfilled all of her duties to you. Till she has served you in every way possible.
And look! She even comes with a golden collar. Isn’t it pretty?
So take her, little girl, devour her, toy with her, whatever you will. My gift to you.

 

 

The Dominant’s Growl #4

Welcome back to the fourth instalment of The Dominant’s Growl. Today’s question is pulled from a random tumblr, as no one asked questions last week. Tsk tsk, people!

What are your views on collars? Have you collared someone before?
My views on collars are that they are a representation of ownership. That it represents love and commitment and is a sign of not only the Dominant’s protection but the submissive’s decision to give her or him that ownership in the first place. There’s a lot of beauty to be seen in the idea and look of the collar. It means so many things to me and there’s options now to customise a collar so that its personal to you both. I like that. I have done that with my kitten.
My kitten is my first true D/s relationship on every level. Every level. When I knew I wanted to collar her, I made sure it was in her interest too – and explained what it meant to me and what it means in general. Since she is a busy little bee in an office, we gave her a ‘social collar’. Yes, she has two. One for work and one she applies at home. Which I understand betrays certain people’s ideas of the idea of a collar but it works for us.

Book Review: ‘SM 101’ by Jay Wiseman

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Jay Wiseman’s SM101 is a useful and comprehensive guide to the world of BDSM and D/s relationships anyway you slice it.

It is useful for beginners because it details terminology, it details kneeling positions, differences between pet and slave – everything you were curious about, there’s probably a chapter in this generous 908 page book.

Yup, that’s a hefty tome — and it rewards. It details anything from the basics to humiliation and how to keep it rewarding without offending. Jay Wiseman’s been in the lifestyle for a good number of years, having works that were published in such magazines as Playboy. Wiseman details everything you’d ever want to know and throws in personal experiences to add weight to what he is talking about it.

He writes with a welcoming tone that beginners will find relaxing and useful but I do have a problem with some of his ideals and this boils down to personal taste. I think he writes in a manner that dictates HIS opinion is the correct observation when dealing with certain things within the lifestyle.

Observe this line:

Non-locking Collars do not, to my way of thinking, qualify as real slave collars. Some people disagree with me on this point. That’s all right. They can go on being wrong if they wish. (Wiseman, 1998, pg 611)

It’s sentences like these that rub me the wrong way. To me, this is a sentence that displays a certain snobbish attitude, a certain superiority that is misguided. I think if you are going to be writing a book for people, let alone wanting people to read it or buy it, I think maybe you should be a less biting in your delivery. But again, this is personal taste. I’m more forgiving, more flexible I think. I digress – let’s move on.

SM101 features 21 chapters, complete with a glossary that beginners will find handy and then appendixes that go into such topics as SM and the Internet.

Should you read it? It can’t hurt to give it a try, but to me, it kind of goes against my own personal feelings so I am left with an odd taste in my mouth. To me, it lacks the warmth of other books I have read – such as Dominance & Submission: The BDSM relationship Handbook by Michael Makai or The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren. SM101 is informative and certainly helped me but at the same time, it’s prose left me distanced.

☆ ☆ ☆

If you’d like to hear more book reviews, do feel free to comment below. I have more that I’d like to talk about, if there is interest!