I’m Gathering Questions for a later Q/A so Ask Me Anything!

Hullo ladies and gentlemen!

We’re at the end of February, seasons will be shifting soon and moods will be changing. I thought that now would be a good time to put it out there that I’d love to do another Q/A with my readers – new or regular.

Anything goes, really. There’s no boundaries to anything you want to ask. It can be about your own journey, it can be about me or something I’ve written, it could be about something you want me to write about, it could be questions about dating or D/s or — anything. For me, as long as you’re comfortable, the sky is the limit!

Please feel free to ask via commenting below or you are always welcome, submissive male or female, dominant female or male, slave, pet, newbie – whoever! – to write to me personally. You can reach me at my Twitter or at my email – darkanddominant@hotmail.com

I’ll be hoarding questions and answering them sometime in this last week of Feb so don’t worry about having too many. The only silly question is the one not asked!

Have a beautiful weekend!

Don’t Let Others Affect Your Kinky Mind

When I was starting to learn about BDSM and kink and dominance, one of the things that was terrible to shake was the idea of what other people thought. What would they think of me or my fantasies? Would they shun me or turn their nose up at me? Did I really think I was kinky when I was just mad?

It took a loooooong time to feel comfortable about myself and my fantasies – which happened to lead to this blog. I’ve been blessed to have people follow and enjoy what I write. It’s given me confidence and in many ways, a safe haven.

Even now, I will get some unsavoury responses to some of my stories or fantasies that I’ve put out there. That’s fine, because people are different and enjoy different things and have different approaches – but sometimes it can still sting a little.

My story – In The Flesh – a particularly dark (dark for me because I let myself go to dark places mentally) erotic story – I’ve been asked if I would actually DO something like that. I welcome questions that engage in whatever I write, because that’s fruitful and stimulating for me. Anyone can write in to me. But it made me think. Is it bad if I say, yes, in a controlled environment, I WOULD do something like that. Yes indeed. And it would make me hard and giddy and switch on this sadistic, Master-like aspect in me.

I guess what I’m trying to write is that I feel something so strongly as that and every once in a while I’ll take a step back and think “Woah, IS there something wrong with me?”. A fleeting thought, but a thought nonetheless.

I think, for those just looking to explore BDSM and kink, that you should by all means have your dark fantasies. And the best thing you can do is think freely without wondering what others think of you, so long as you understand the boundary between reality and play – OR, at least, the boundaries of consensual non-consent.

It may still sting from time to time, if you’re anything like me, but in time you will come to see that everyone operates in a different world and see through their own reality. So should you. And don’t you forget that!

In Which I Ramble About Primal Spirituality

I can’t blame people for thinking that being primal and feeling primal is all about pet play and all that entails. After all, in the beginning, when I didn’t know better, that’s where my mind jumped to.

But readers….goodness, it is so much more than that.

Ever since identifying as a primal here on this blog, I’ve had people ask me what it means exactly, and I’ve had many a philosophical discussions, some that move towards the analytical. To seek to understand.

I had an encounter today – think native Americans and howling – that triggered this feeling within me. A fondness for running wild, the wind on my skin, heart racing in my chest, howling until my throat was raw.

Being primal for me isn’t just a sexual fetish that I happen to enjoy, it’s almost a way of life, a wild feeling deep within me that wants to roam. It isn’t restlessness, not anymore (though I did feel that with my ex wife), but it’s more that I feel like being out in the wild, in communion with nature and other wild free ones such as myself. It’s a feeling where I want to go sit around a fire, worry about nothing and enjoy the evening and all of its splendour. It’s wanting to live, not exist, in this environment.

I struggle to explain the feeling, I know. I’ve talked in circles with people who ask and I feel bad about it because they ask me in the first place. It’s just this deep feeling that comes about. Of being in a tribe or a pack, of being one amongst a few other wild ones. It’s this and a whole bunch of other things. A need to howl till my throat is raw, to beat my chest and hoot.

Sometimes it even comes to identifying as an animal. A wolf or a bear perhaps. Because, see, you start to feel like there’s characteristics there within you. Traits like the animal. And maybe there are.

I used to think I was crazy for thinking this. It sounded delusional, to liken yourself to a wild animal, to feel animalistic sometimes. But then I discovered it was common in primal people. It’s so common that there exists packs of close friends, people that run together and hang together. I wasn’t alone.

And, at the end of a day, it goes deeper than just being primal. Because kink and BDSM can be spiritual for each and everyone of us. And sometimes we don’t know why we are drawn so deeply to it, we just FEEL it. Like an epiphany swelling in our chest. It’s there and raw and unfiltered and you shouldn’t shy from it, you should let it wash over you.

So if I had to end this day, and this piece, for you, dear readers of my blog, to which I’m eternally grateful for, then I want to end this moment with a little note: You are not crazy. You never were. This is just another piece of the puzzle. Take care of yourself. I’m always a message away if you feel like you are going stir crazy.

What Do You Get Out Of It?: A Dominant On Bondage

What does bondage mean to me, somebody who identifies as being a dominant? I’ve been thinking about that the past few days. That – and my dominance itself.

People have told me in the past that January, being the first month of a new year, makes people contemplative. I guess that’s true for me too because I’m wondering about all the finer details.

I think the first aspect – the most obvious aspect – is the sexual thrill. Why a sexual thrill? Well, I can draw that line – that red string on the board – back to my interest in control. How I like to have that control, how it eases my mind and, on my better days, my anxieties. Control is calming. But there’s also an underlying degree of sexiness there too. An edge. Control is calming and appealing but there’s also that part of my brain that is attracted to an image of someone – in my case, a submissive, bound by rope. Not only at MY mercy but at the mercy of the binding of the rope. Just that very sentence activates the sadist in me. I want her to struggle, for her to feel the burn against her tits and thighs. I want to see how my plaything reacts to that pain. In a way, I want to test her.

So there’s the level of control, and the sexual thrill brought about by that control – not to mention the sadistic side woken out of a slumber, but what else speaks to me, as a dominant? I’m not a submissive, I couldn’t dare say what appeals to the one that wants to be bound. But the question that so many readers and people I mentor ask me comes to my mind – what do you get out of it? And, here’s one of my own, does it go beyond sadism and sexual thrills?

I believe it does. There’s two things I want to ramble about, if you’ll allow me, if you care for read, and the first is the intimacy of it. There’s something else at work behind the sadism and sexual thrill and control, there’s beauty. Beauty at the weaving of the rope, at how the intricate pattern crisscrosses across her body, holding her all snug-like. It’s a work of art, it’s magic and it couldn’t be magic without her involvement, her devious mind.

Which brings me to Kinbaku-bi, or what the internet tells me is “the beauty of tight binding”. It’s an art form, it’s creative, it’s putting your mind into your kink so it’s personal on a whole different level and it’s artistic. My mind is drawn to how experimental you can be with it. Try this weave, try this chair, try bending her over. It invites thought and it invites discussion and even now, it has my heart and mind racing with possibilities.

So I think that’s what I get out of bondage, whether it being viewing it from afar or engaging it in directly. It’s erotic, it’s beautiful, it’s artistic, it’s personal – it’s multi-layered.

Thanks for reading and if you want to talk about this piece or any other, you are always to welcome to comment or write in to me directly at darkanddominant@hotmail.com

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, dear readers! I hope it’s a wondrous year full of some beautiful memories you will treasure for a lifetime!

I still kick myself that people follow me – be it for the stories or random outlooks – especially in 2019, when I wrote less due to some anxiety spikes throughout the year and then finding a contract that keeps me writing – which I’m blessed for, I just need to manage time better. New goals this year!

Lastly, I want to say…no matter if you’re a man or a woman, a submissive or a dominant, no matter if you have zero experience in BDSM or a tonne of it, if you have a question about BDSM, want to say hello, ask about something I’ve written or want to talk philosophy of BDSM, you are always welcome to contact me personally, through my email or Twitter. Please don’t worry about being a bother, I am always happy to talk, no matter if it’s what I call ‘word vomit.’

I always tell people to ‘just write’ and not worry about structure or spelling mistakes or what have you, because I’ll read it no matter the length.

If you’re worried about me being busy and you don’t want to add to that, please try not to be. Writing to someone is far different than my work. It’s a welcomed respite. And even though I can be forgetful once in a while (Which I’m working on), I promise you I’ll always reply. I reply, not out of obligation, but because I genuinely want to. All are welcome.

Your endless support means the world to me. Thank you for following, for finding me interesting enough to follow, and hopefully I deliver for you this year.

Let’s make this a great year!

The Interview

Dear Lord, I can still see her in my mind, sprawled out on the chocolate leather couch of my home theatre. I can still picture her eyes, the lightest green I’ve ever seen, looking at me in a way that feels vaguely fox-like.

Freckles are splashed across her fair skin sporadically. Her hair – the faintest colour of orange – falls across her arms, drapes across her small breasts.

Her breasts…like Snow White, only her nipples are ruby coloured, hardening for me as they are.

And Dear Lord, I can still see her pubic hair. Do you know how torturing it is, this gift you’ve given? I can see her slit when I close my eyes, down to a single red hair.

I can see her pubic hair, like a slash of fire across her slit. When she shifts her legs, for a second I can see her arousal glisten underneath the soft lights.

I remember asking me something, leaning back on the couch, because I remember thinking that the scene reminds me of The Graduate, but I couldn’t tell you what words she spoke, only that her voice sounded silky smooth, with a playful edge.

Why did she come to my home? Why does she interview me in my home theatre, notepad once across her lap before she started to undress.

Why was so she patient, as the unseen man behind the curtain drew me away from the home Theater – to see to my meddling cat, to address a question to my meddling guests. Don’t they see that I have questions to answer to this lady myself?

I think what perplexes the most, as I ease my cock into this woman, is how much I wanted her.

God, has anything ever felt any better than when I ease into her tight, wet snatch? Has anything ever felt better on my ears, to hear her moan in time to my thrusts?

God…Satan…Angels…Devils…don’t watch me consume this woman, don’t watch me sink into her skin as we become one with one another.

Who am I kidding? I can’t look away. Not from the watchful lightest green eyes of this woman.

Why does she want me so bad? Why me? What do those green eyes see?

As much as my cock is driven by the feeling of her each time I split her lips apart and slide in, I’m driven by the sight of her – sinking into the couch, twisting her head to the left to let out a moan, her hair across her shoulders in tangles.

Who is this cruel mistress? Who are you and why are you here? I want to ask her, but I’m transfixed by her with each move, unable to tear myself from her in the confines of the home theatre.

The interview will continue another time.

Waking From A Dream: On Becoming Dominant

Learning that I was dominant didn’t happen overnight, it happened over years – through dreams, moments in relationships and through interactions where a need for protocol or discipline or control would spill out into my conscious mind.

It’s hard to describe it and it’s even harder to write about it. Towards the end of an entirely vanilla relationship, in which I buried any interests in BDSM because I tried to put aside what I wanted for what I believed was love and the betterment of the relationship, it started to gnaw at me till there were cracks in my existence, till that dominant persona came clawing out of me, growling and seething and ravenous. I truly felt like I was mad, being torn between two worlds. I felt insane.

My biggest test was accepting that all these desires and dark sexual interests and everything remotely kinky was who I am. I had to sit with my thoughts and my desires and accept that this was my mind and that there was nothing at all wrong with that.

I had to reboot my mind. I had to trust my gut instinct. But more importantly, I had to learn how to differentiate between what I truly feel and what is irrational. Being primal helped me, I feel. I learned to sit with my feelings, let them slow cook. In time, what was false would fade and what was real lingered. I could just tell the difference somehow.

And learning this about myself felt like waking from a long slumber. Like I was waking from a dream. I felt giddy and liberated.

It’s such a crazy situation – because I hear of people, I know of people, that have their own reasons to deny their innermost thoughts and feelings for a life of comfort but who am I to tell them differently? Everybody moves at their own pace. Saying it’s not easy to take that plunge is an understatement. It’s fucking terrifying. I was paralysed with fear. I don’t even know why I did it. Only that I needed a push. But you can’t interfere with lives. You can only offer support.

If you’re like me, if you are feeling trapped or like you’re waking up to your dominant or submissive side, don’t be scared of your inner voice. Take baby steps in listening to it.

It takes time but you can learn to listen to all thoughts so that you can differentiate between irrational thoughts and the things you really want, your true desire. Don’t confuse one for the other, that’s the tricky part, but in time you will know in the pit of your gut what is right and what has been fear.

Remember this – what you want isn’t invalid. You’re not a freak or insane or crazy for your interests in kink or wanting to become submissive or dominant. Try not to run from that because you’ll either create a false, yet comfortable reality or it’ll become stronger the more you deny it.

Learning to be at ease with that part of myself has been one of the hardest challenges of my life. I had to come to grips with my insecurity, my anxiety and my low self-esteem to be able to embrace that side of myself. It wasn’t easy, some days I still struggle, but I’ve been able to challenge my perceptions on not only my life but my views on religion and life and society and relationships.