In Which I’m Asked If I Have A Preference On Who I Discuss BDSM With

Today I was asked, by a newcomer to the world of BDSM, if I mainly liked to focus on people who wanted to be dominant or if I happily spoke to those interested in submission as well.

It’s such a good and important question that I wanted to share it here for anyone who was new but couldn’t find their voice to reach out on any of the communities.

Back in 2017 when I first thought I was educated enough in the lifestyle to actively mentor, I found a post out there in the internet which stated those who felt their dominance should speak to a dominant and those who felt their submission should speak to a submissive for their respective training.

And I agree to a certain extent. I simply cannot help when it comes to any deeper yearnings that a submissive may have because I don’t have those natural or developed instincts. I can relate through my own yearnings and I can identify – I can even help teach someone what I learned in a purely objective manner – but I don’t have that perspective of feeling and being submissive.

Beyond that, I think that it is useful to talk to both personalities – and different people – to see how different people think and approach the same concepts of Kink and BDSM. It’s endlessly fascinating.

I personally don’t have a preference when it comes to who I talk to or help out. Whether it’s a man or a woman I do not mind, nor am I put off by nationality or background and interests. My view is that I am happy to answer any questions. Some people want to ask me about my background, some people want to ask about my anxiety, some people just have questions about the lifestyle.

I look at it like this – I may not have all the answers and I may not be in tune with your personal preferences but I’ll help as much as I possibly can and I’d be happy to talk through your thoughts and feelings, as much as you are comfortable with. For some people, hell, for most, it’s not easy coming forward and talking openly. I understand that all too well and try to be there as much as I can until they feel a little more comfortable and can ask their questions.

I genuinely love helping or talking with both sides – though I do hear more from people who identify as submissive, I’m always down to talk to a person who wants to discuss how to be dominant in the bedroom or other such concepts of dominance as well – anything that lil’ ol’ me can help with.

October AMA + Let’s Play Twenty Questions!

Something that I did either last year or the year before and had a lot of fun with was a game of TWENTY QUESTIONS. I gave the option to anyone, follower, reader or lurker, to ask me anything they were curious about me – it could be anything BDSM related, it could be hobby related, anything that sparks their imagination and I’d do the same to them.

Some folks participated, often dropping five questions at a time before putting the next five into words, and it was a lot of fun. So for October’s little AMA, I thought I’d put it out there for regulars or newcomers to ask anything they’d like on top of the regular Q/A. Everything is on the table! Nothing is too sacred! Please don’t be shy! If a submissive or dominant in training has any questions, please do feel at home here.

On the occasion that no one wants to try their hand at it, consider this just a breezy read all the same.

1. How do you handle misbehavior in public? Do you consider discreet but immediate chastisement or do you punish later in private?

I consider discreet first and foremost, mainly because I find that a stern look without any words can be quite effective and has a way of locking my kitten into place from where she stands.

So if kitten misbehaves, I’ll shoot her a look and speak gently in a volume only we seem to hear. And if she wants to try her hand at continuing, maybe she’s feeling extra feisty, I’ll give her another warning and after that, the promise of when she gets home, she’s going to have one sore bottom – that is for certain.

2. How is the punishment responded to? What are your favorite forms of discipline to correct bad behavior?

How is the punishment responded to? Usually a sulk and, if she’s feeling a little bratty, a slight defiance – which I don’t usually react to, given I give her a warning and can’t help but love her fiery behaviour at times.

As for favourite forms of discipline? I like a good old fashioned time out – a la ‘go to your room for x amount of minutes and think on how you’ve been’. Smacking is effective because it usually accompanies my voice which is strict by the time I’m ordering her to lean across my knee.

I also like the idea of writing out a set limit of lines. Spending time in quietness, reflecting on any error, is intriguing to me as a dominant for its effect that It has on the mind. That, and I love kitten’s hand writing.

3. How do you feel about having your submissive not look you in the eye? Do you prefer the lowered gaze in submission? When would it be appropriate for the submissive to look upon you?

When I feel it’s appropriate, say if she has been naughty or overly defiant and attempts to break out of her routine, I will have her stand to attention – back straight, arms clasped, head down – but this is only in times where that situation applies.

I don’t mind eye contact, to be honest. I love looking into people’s eyes, which probably sounds weird but hey. Anyway – there will be plenty of times where I ask her to look at me, whether it’s during when we are playing together or when she knows she’s being naughty and my shift in voice and face has her frozen as our inner dominant and submissive respond to each other in that delightful natural way,

4. How do you feel when a submissive comes to you and says they have no limits? Do you test them right away? Do you try to show them the error of their ways?

Naturally I’m intrigued because there will be this sliiiight part of me, this sadistic part, that will think ‘oh really? Let us see about this…’ – but that is on a pure psychological level because right now in my life I’m starting to understand that testing endurance in different ways is intriguing to that Master in Me, you know?

So when I hear someone say this, my immediate reaction will be to take a walk through their mind and get their input on all the different things there is to talk about. Maybe there is something there to find, a delicious breaking point, and if not, then there’s definitely something to discuss.

I wouldn’t necessarily say I’d show them the errors of their ways – because maybe in doing so I may have made a fool of myself in finding out they really have no limit. But I’ve definitely found pain thresholds in people who enjoy hefty amounts of pain. I’m trying to be vague here haha.

That’s it for my little Question prompts for the Halloween season. Again – please don’t let any shyness get the better of you. Come say hey! Ask me anything – it can be quite literally anything – would I rather have ten horse sized ducks or ten duck sized horses? (Ten horse sized ducks definitely!)