I don’t think there will ever be a time where I’ll stop growing and evolving. Where I will reach the limit of my growth and can say ‘well, I’m definitely into all of these things and kinks, there’s nothing else’.
Though that’s sometimes frustrating, especially when someone asks ‘well, what do you identify as?’ And I have to stumble on my words to say I’m a mix of things, it’s also a thing of beauty. Because there will always be something brand new to discover.
For example, there’s a huge part of me that identifies with the 19th century gentleman and this unspoken undercurrent of Dominance and submission. Jane Eyre, apart from being a terrific read in general, was deeply erotic for me.
And I identify with this gentleman because a big part that I’m drawn to is regulation. Polite wording like ‘Pardon me’ instead of ‘huh?’, standing up straight – etiquette like that – it speaks to me.
And there’s so many different nuances to something like that. Chin up, beck straight, hands to the side, hands behind your back, ask for permission to go out with your girlfriends, all these different things that branch off to different concepts and regulations and ways in which the relationship can evolve or adapt.
But then aside from this strict gentleman, or the 1950’s household hybrid of that gentleman, there are the other aspects of my personality that I’ve discovered along the way, the Daddy and the Master.
The Daddy aspect has always been with me, I think, since my early twenties. And as I got older and more at ease with myself, it has been more prominent and refined. I’m sure if I co wrote a blog with my lady, she could vouch for times it comes out – say, if she’s snacking before dinner and I tell her not to, she can hear it in my voice. Or if she’s ill but staying up late. Of if I want to read to her or be by her side when she colours.
Recently, I’ve felt a different side bubble to the surface that bears similar traits to a Master. This crosses over with the 19th century gentleman, as the concept of setting rules and regulations in a M/s environment with many different concepts also at play intrigues me. But it’s also not quite the dynamic that fits my current relationship, as my kitten and I sit somewhere between the M/s and Daddy / LG concepts.
It’s weird to explain because the mind shifts at any given moment and borrows traits from established roles. So it’s a mix.
And as such, I think I will always be finding out new things about my mind. Maybe I’ll change. Maybe this relationship will change. The How’s and the Why’s can be pondered all night, and this thought is lengthy enough.
Bottom line is that I’m always growing and learning and finding new ways to live and play and explore and that’s beautiful.
How about you, stranger? Are you a mix?
Friday night my kitten and I snuggled into bed and read Dr. Seuss’ Fox in Socks – and boy what a read!
The book is wonderfully inventive, with colourful imaginative beasts, ferocious tongue twister to test even the tongue twisting master and a pest of a character – Mr. Fox himself!
As a Daddy reading to his little one, this was quite fun to speak out loud, as there’s rhythm to the tongue twisting dialogue that gradually escalates as Mr. Knox is more and more displeased with Mr. Fox.
It all builds to a rather entertaining conclusion in which Mr. Knox goes at the challenge of the tongue twister, bellowing out a ripper!
I personally enjoyed the escalation in the climax and with the humour of Seuss, it all plays out rather effectively in illustration.
As a quick bedtime read, you can’t go past this – and I highly recommend it for its dialogue and humour!
Browsing Fetlife, I came across a post from a young woman who expressed her frustration at the fact that she had experienced a few Daddy Dom-types harassing her over her disinterest in them due to their age being closer to that of her father.
Their argument was you wouldn’t find a young Daddy Dom that was within her age gap (she was 26 wanting someone up to ten years older than her).
She asked people if they thought she was unreasonable. Everyone agreed she was not, yet most, rather politely, echoed the sentiment that it would be tough to find that going Daddy Dom.
That simply isn’t true.
Yes, it’s hard for someone to find anyone over the Internet, especially regarding love and kink. It can be very hard. But young Daddy’s are a thing indeed.
The Daddy Dom, from my understanding, comes deep down and psychologically. And since its paternal, it can come from anyone at any time, so long as we imprint on the person we care about.
This has happened with kitten and it has happened with friends, where I become so protective and nurturing that it’s almost – yeah you guessed it – Dad-like. A few people have commented on it too, like ‘Wow, such a Dad’ or ‘you’d be a great dad!’.
And I’m 29. I’m hoping that’s still considered young, ha!
The point I’m making is that it’s a mindset. It’s not reflective of age. It shouldn’t be. If you care, if you have a desire to nurture, protect, if there’s a love there that draws you in, almost magnetically – guess what? You’ve got it within you.
Keep in mind, this is the best way I can describe it. The need to shelter, to bear hug, to make sure you’re their world and nothing bad is ever going to get to them. Not as long as you’re there.
What are your thoughts on it?
What does it mean to be Dominant?
Being Dominant, to me, means to live with this insatiable desire to take control – of a scenario, of a submissive. It means to crave something deeper on a psychological level, on a raw level. A human connection, bonded by a unique level of trust, a love for kink and a desire to explore what makes us human. What makes us tick.
You see, it’s craving control of a submissive – but that means so many things. I crave to guide, to teach, to be a dad, to see her dress how I want, to fuck how I want, to care for her in my way. It means being a teacher, a lover, a friend, a father and soul mate.
It’s not just about a love for spanking, degradation, nipple clamps and bondage. It’s about the desire to know the submissive in a way that no one has ever known before. Think about what means for a moment – to explore what makes her human, what makes her a submissive, what makes her WANT.
It’s about reaching deep down within her psyche, finding what that means or how that feels, and absorbing her. Every part of her mind, body and spirit.
It’s about taking all of that and protecting it, like a knight, one that, in my case, definitely has chinks from my battles with my demons.
And just so I’m clear, it’s not about seeing a submissive purely as an object. Not for me. I want to express, in my eyes, that the lifestyle comes with a romanticism there. Not only the desire to protect her but the desire to know her beyond any capacity she or I have experienced. I have great affection for the basic notion that is worshipping her, guiding her, protecting her and to fulfil her through my Dominant personality.
It’s not about being an alpha. I’m not an alpha, I don’t feel like an alpha. To society, I’m you’re quiet guy, guarded and silent. I don’t dominate conversations, I don’t lead at work. I lead her. By the leash, by the collar.
I don’t want a regular relationship, I want the deeper feelings, the raw and intense encounters, the exposure for me and her that comes with that trust.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that what being dominant means for me is to explore my humanity. To explore why I am the way I am, but also to live with the lifestyle, almost in a symbiotic relationship, because it needs me and I need it. Without it, I’m edgy. I’m lost, I’m angry and depressed. With it, I have balance. Harmony.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I feel like being a bigger brother to people out there. I see people run with others on Fetlife and something in me stirs. Something in me wants to protect and embrace and be that bigger brother and I can’t shake it or explain it and I am not sure if I even want to question it.
It comes down to family. Who do you get along with, who wants that part of you in their friendship. It’s a complex series of equations that come down to one thing – friendship and how deep that friendship goes.
And it comes down to being a protector of a little one, or submissive.
And it comes down to bond. The bond that you might share.
Ultimately, that means getting out into the community and given my anxiety, I just don’t know about that. But I do you can’t just force it and that’s not what I ever want to do. So for now, it rests in the back of my mind as a delicious ‘maybe’ or a wonderful ‘possibly’.
But what is a ‘bigger brother’? In my eyes, a friend. A close friend. Someone that you can spill your heart too and who happens to mail. It’s a deep bond, playful but platonic. I can’t speak for the interpretations of others and I can’t speak to the relationship to others but for me, sometimes, I think about being part of a little group and that’s nice.
And that even fluctuates for me anyway. I’m the type of person to go from feeling like a sociable human to being a wolf that’s in a pack of two – him and his submissive. And on those days, nothing is finer than the company of my kitty – or, if we are sticking to the analogy, wolf cub. She fulfils me. End of story.
I guess it comes down to this: wanting to protect people. Maybe that’s ego, maybe that’s madness, who knows. But sometimes I get feeling like I should be a bigger brother to some, which is quite different to switching to Daddy for my kitten. How the mind alternates! Are you following alright? Yes? No? Maybe? I don’t know.
I don’t know if I will have all the answers but I do know that I just want to take care of people.
A ritual for my kitty and I is that when it comes time for her bedtime, I lay with her till she falls asleep or is ready to doze. I’m a night owl so I usually crawl into bed a few hours later because I’m either reading, gaming or writing. One of those.
What I wanted to share with you was this:
My kitty is a wondrous sexual creature. She really is. I watched her doze for a while – yes, it’s something I do. I have a sense to protect her and watch over her. Anyway, moving along. I was about to crawl out of the bed and go off to do my thing when she rolled on her back, kicking the sheet away and revealing her lovely breasts. I couldn’t help lowering my mouth on her nipples and suckling gently. Doing this, it gets me instantly hard and ready for her. But I was feeling more Daddy-like this evening so I didn’t jump her.
What struck me curious, and sorry darling, I know you’re reading this and you’ll get shy, bless you, but you’re extraordinary so come find my future self once you’re done reading this and kiss me. Understand? I want you to kiss me like it’s your last day on Earth.
Bur what struck me curious was that as I was suckling her nipple, she moaned and parted her legs. Even in sleep, she is an obedient and beautiful little girl. And THAT is what I wanted to share today.
This one is hard to write because at the same time, there are an infinite number of submissives that are beautiful people and equally as intoxicating. But I guess, It seems to me – in my never ending quest to ‘find myself’ – that the submissive that I am drawn to is the little girl persona. Or maybe it’s just my mindset in this particular moment, I’m unsure.
Remember how I said I had an overwhelming need to help people in this field and more? Kind of like a BDSM therapist, to risk sounding conceited? Well the Daddy Dom in me gets that way at times – where I crave that persona – the girl to tuck into bed, read Alice in wonderland to and buy colouring books for. And if she eats all her vegetables, she will get a reward – my cock hovering over her tits as I praise her magnificent body.
It goes beyond sexuality and persona though. I am interested in her identity. Who is she? Where has she come from? Seeds have been planted for her to grow into something so sweet and I want to understand her. To me, that’s a big part of why I write as well on this site. It just makes me sit back and wonder and write long sprawling entries like these.
But, ugh, just look at the photo I have put in this entry. A topless girl with her favourite teddy, in her own skin and smiling. Gorgeous. I love it.
So I guess the concept sings to me because there’s a Dad in me that comes out every so often. And that is beautiful to me.