Being Naked In The Wintertime

Being naked in the winter time has been absolutely thrilling to me this year. Yes, there have been moments where it’s been a freezing 6 degrees Celsius but this year, I feel like I have been experimenting with letting that cold linger on my body.

I sleep naked in the winter. I have an all powerful blanket – and even my lady to snuggle – but the moments where I first fall or roll or collapse into bed and the cold just cancels out all thought – the sheets are like ice, the air skins across my feet, lifting across my ass and to my cock…it’s….incredible.

Anything I was thinking of before I hopped into bed – responding to email, dinner tomorrow, my cat yowling at closed doors – it’s all gone. I – a Dominant – is completely dominated by the weather. I’m frozen in place – pun maybe intended – my body unable to reboot as my primal side emerges. I suddenly want to roll around and snark and drool and Fuck myself into bed until I come hard all over my own stomach – or just grind into the bed until I fall asleep.

On other days, I find myself naked even with the chill around me. Come 2am, I have sat on my lounge utterly naked and have meditated on the cold, feeling it all around me. Feeling….wild and unabashed and charged with energy.

There’s a peacefulness to being naked during winter. Not only are you striped bare, the cold is confronting. You leave aside your world and are left to focus, perhaps more than ever, on your senses. How your heart flutters, how you are breathing, how the cold reaches in to the very core of you and holds you there to confront the stillness.

We’re so busy, us humans. We’re always thinking of cooking dinner, working hard, remembering birthdays, attending to meetings, making sure to stay in contact with friends and family. We never allow time to just exist in the moment and feel. We rarely stop, put the phone down and sit still a moment.

Perhaps you can do this too. Find a moment in your day, set aside, say 15 minutes. Find your favourite spot to just unwind – your bedroom, your couch, somewhere outdoors hidden from the neighbours.

Put down the phone. Undress. Listen to your world, your heart and your breathing. What do you find in your stillness?

If you decided to try this, do let me know how you found it either by comment section or email. If you can’t unwind and become frustrated, don’t let it get to you – it takes a while to adjust to sitting still. It will take practice.

How Can You Tell If You’re Dominant Or Submissive?

Ladies and gents, I’m kinda stumped.

Early in the week, I was talking to a lady about how to implement kink into her marriage with her husband, when she ran a question by me – How do you know if you’re Dominant?

I answered that question best I could in the moment, running my own experiences with identifying the feeling by her, hoping it would connect somehow. But now, days later, I’m still thinking it over. I don’t really know HOW. It all seems so organic looking back.

I have also recently had someone ask me If they’re still fully submissive if they enjoy being bratty – there’s a lot of misunderstanding about the persona and how it applies to the individual.

Unfortunately, there’s a lot of confused and alone people out there with a laundry list of questions and no one to ask. I’m more than happy to answer anything anyone has to ask, be you male, female, teenager, adult, new to the lifestyle or in the middle of a transformation or even someone with an inkling of kinkling.

Anyway, I thought I would try to the answer the question at length, hoping newcomers to BDSM might relate and it can help them in their own journey.

In the beginning, I had these feelings that I had understanding of. I didn’t know I could file my name calling under ‘Degradation and Humiliation’ nor did I understand why I was so interested in control – in exercising authority over my girlfriend. In these stages, there was no real sense of D/s and aftercare because I was immature and these feelings were immature and coarse and unrefined.

Before I continue, let me just write that there’s no absolute way for one person. Everyone is different and works differently.

I should say that my own development has come with a certain degree of blind luck. I met certain people at the right time in my life, people like me, through Fetlife or the semi-sketchy anonymous confessional app Whisper. I was a lucky bastard. I had the blessing of shaping who I was through encounters along my twenties.

Fetlife was a big player in my path, I would say. By signing up and looking around, I could see I wasn’t alone. I could even put a name to my kinks and thus have some semblance of understanding.

Google helped too, in a way, acting as a gateway to all sorts of media – books, images, blogs, people, Kink. Suddenly I knew of words like ‘Dominance’ and ‘submission’ and ‘dynamic’. Combine this with Fetlife and I had opportunities to feel the gravitational force to someone who was submissive. I’m talking, heart racing, cock hardening, breath quickening gravitational forces that helped me realise something was within me.

I know what you’re wondering. ‘Okay, but how does someone know if they’re dominant? Or even submissive?’

The best advice I can give is that it starts with an idea. Have a google of key concepts that come to mind when you think of BDSM – blindfolding, handcuffs, dirty talk. Start small. See if something strikes up your fancy.

If you want to reach deeper, have a look at concepts within a D/s relationship, such as setting tasks and rules and maintaining order. See if any of these concepts appeal to you on a base level. Try not to feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of information – there can be a lot to learn but you can easily break it up into easily digestible parts.

Start small. Start light. A bit of spanking, a bit of issuing commands – talk to your partner about what they would like to try and see if it strikes a chord with you on any level.

The last advice I can give is to be open to yourself and to your partner. That goes for likes and dislikes and even if you’re uninterested. But always be open to trying at least. You never know what you’ll find on the road less travelled.

30 Days of Kink – Day #1: Me, Myself & I

It has been three years since I last did this 30 Days of Kink questionnaire. I’ve been thinking about doing it again for some time, mainly because I sense I’ve grown so much – I sense it in myself. But I’ve put it off for a few reasons – one, because I felt cheap to do a retread, and two – because I honestly don’t know how much interest it would garner for the current list of readers.

I’m putting myself out there, hoping it is warmly received. That being said, in the interest of being honest, I will state that I haven’t read my previous answers to these thirty questions that I wrote down back in 2015 when I was 27, so I’m going in with a completely fresh mind.

I hope you join me.

Dominant, submissive or switch? List the parts of BDSM that get your juices flowing, what interests you the most? Basically define your kinky nature.

I’m a Dominant man that hails from the land of Oz! But within the dominant frame of mind, I’ve found that I identify with other aspects, such as a Master, a Daddy and a primal.

I think the thing that gets my juices flowing the most is that psychological component of the interaction, sexually but especially non-sexually. By psychological component, I mean the little details that bring out expressions in people. For me, these expressions include a change in posture, a change in demeanour. Little shifts in voice and outward appearances that are not noticeable to me but are to my kitten.

To me, it’s like I’m witnessing this transformation of someone, this very special part that they choose to show to me. And it can manifest in the eyes, the voice and in the mind.

I find these details within us, these sides of our personality, to be incredibly delicious – and also incredibly delightful to meet. I could talk with a submissive mind all night, I’m that invested in hearing differences of opinion. The more different to mine, the better.

Beyond that, I’ve found that there needs to be a level of control in my life – and this goes beyond mere sexual gratification, although there is that wonderful part – but there’s something about ownership and leadership and protocol and structure in a D/s dynamic that brings absolute joy to my life. It brings peace. It’s a very spiritual and important thing to me.

That being said, I’ve noticed different sides of my personality since I began my journey that have ignited passion and imagination in my mind. I’ve found I have a side of me with Master tendencies, that either comes out in stories or fantasies. I’m drawn to that Master / Slave mindset, finding peace within the dynamic of law and order and protocol and training and obedience.

On the other side of the coin, I’m a Daddy. I have this insatiable desire to help those in need, either friends of friends or friends in general and my kitten. I have this strangest sensation like I’m some sort of Dad to my kitten at times, or that I feel like one – it’s the weirdest sensation to put down into words.

It’s partially why I offer Mentoring, because sometimes I face such an ache in my heart when I hear the frustration of someone who writes in, and I can’t bear that pain in others.

I’m a big kid at heart, I love reading to people – Lewis Carrol, Dr. Suess – and I love animation, so Disney marathons are a must in my household. You’ll even catch me singing them too.

Lastly, I’m a primal. That was my gateway to kink even when I didn’t know it. Exhibitionism, nudity, speaking freely – I had been shy and repressed for so long that it became a practice to not reject any thoughts that came to mind. It also helps alleviate my anxiety, if that makes sense.

If you’ve made it this far, and I certainly hope you have, I hope you’ve enjoyed the read and if you have any questions regarding any of the above, by all means, pick my mind. I welcome the discussion.

And if you’re new to this 30 Days of… – try it yourself. I’d love to hear from you!

Thoughts to keep warm during Winter

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When I tell her to bend across the pool table, I wonder what her mind is running to.
When I tease her slit with the pool cue, gliding in circles, I wonder if she is hesitant or welcoming.

And when I ease it into her, as it disappears inside her, will she buckle, will she tremble, will she tell me it’s too much or will she try and prove to me, rot herself, to the gods, that she is worthy, that she is the one. That I am the one for her.

O, will she slide back into it, to feel it stretch her, to feel ‘full’?
Or will she attempt to crawl away, as it is too much.
Which version do I want, obedience or struggle? Both harden my cock.

What will come out of those slick wet lips?
A guttural moan?
A grunt, in the most beautiful, animalistic, dare I think un-lady-like way?
Or will she sob? And if so, will that sobbing enchant me or dispel me?

How will her hair fall? Over her eyes? Over her mouth?
Will her hair stick to her wet luscious lips?

And will she come? Will she come again? Will she take the cue for me until I tell her no more, until she is so full it aches. Maybe it bleeds.

Such thoughts run through my mind. And warms my heart.