Memoirs Of A Dominant

Next week I will be turning thirty.
And looking back on the last ten years of my life is a strange and beautiful thing.

I’ve had the gift of life given to me but also of laughter and love and yeah, even Dominance. 

When I was twenty, I didn’t know what I do now. 

You could say I was Dominant, but I was coarse and unrefined. 

I could dominate – and I did – but it wasn’t with any sort of awareness of the bigger picture. I was playing chess one square at a time rather than the whole board.

Unknowingly, I had formed D/s relationships but neither me nor the lady I was with knew that. All I knew was that I had gone from being a loner to suddenly an attractive man – well, in the eyes of others anyway. At 20 I was insecure with myself in a way that I’m not now. 

My twenties were spent outside of anything BDSM related. There were flickers of it: The degradation that came out in my teens also came out in the bedroom. But I didn’t know terms, dynamics, things I wanted. I was coarse and unrefined and in a strictly vanilla relationship. 

It was around the time of my mid-twenties when something inside me awoke. Suddenly I wanted to learn. 

I was afraid to learn – there were times in the middle of the night where I woke from a dream to an ache I had ignored due to some of that catholic guilt I was raised with coming out – but I still had that desire. 

My long-term girlfriend at the time was not interested in the slightest. Not even after me trying to introduce to her some things I wanted to try. We simply were not compatible, though we hung onto each other long anyway.
Her dismissal led me to blogs and sites and that’s where I discovered Fetlife. That’s where I discovered apps like Whisper.

Suddenly I was finding that education I was so scared about. I deleted and signed up to Fetlife numerous times before I created the profile that exists today. 

Through whisper, I met a bubbly young lady. She was eighteen. I was 26 at the time. 
Blonde hair, blue eyes, piercings over her face and nipples. 
I did not have an affair with her, if that’s what you’re thinking. As I write this now, I can see that this was the origin of my Daddy side. 

You see, she came from a broken home. She was constantly in a state of distress. And over the weeks, we would talk and I would help in any way I can – because…well, because she felt like a little sister to me. 

The universe is a strange thing. It brings people together, it pulls people apart. And I guess, in that time, the universe gave me someone to talk to who was just as much seeking answers as I was. 

We would talk about our interests, mainly though, we would talk shit. And it was pleasant. 

I don’t know where she is now, but looking back, I think that was instrumental in forging my Daddy side. My caring side. My nurture side. 

EVENTUALLY my long term relationship with my girlfriend fell apart. We stopped being friends, we hung out in different rooms after work. We simply weren’t compatible. 

At the time, I wanted to fight. I felt that was what I wanted to do – fight for her. But when she showed no interest in fighting back, I decided to drop my compulsion to fix things or solve things and just…let her go. 

In the months after, I sought to explore myself. I moved in with my parents for a while, Iogged back into Fetlife. I took nude selfies despite my lingering guilt post-relationship. I wrote songs too. Really on-the-nose songs, with titles like ‘Penultimate’ and ‘Signposts’. It was my way to heal.

Through Fetlife – through people, really – I learnt what I was once too scared to learn. I spoke to women I befriended. Some I was drawn to on a really primal level. They helped point out what I was feeling. 

I had plenty of fascinating conversations about minds and life just staying in the intimate space of my childhood bedroom. In a lot of ways I was doing a loop, folding over back into my childhood town. Adulthood is weird.

But I learned I was a primal. I learned I was a Daddy. I had a six hour edging session – and I’m not exaggerating to prove something, I spent the majority of that day in bed pushing my limits. I was done crying, I was going to edge damnit. 

So you see, life is strange. Why we don’t accept our minds and our sexuality is stranger. I could lament and wonder why it wasn’t sooner that I had this life affirming epiphany, but you can’t go back. Only forward. 

If you have any questions regarding this post, always feel free to write me at my email. I’m more than happy to help you with your own journey.  

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The Mind is Always Evolving


I don’t think there will ever be a time where I’ll stop growing and evolving. Where I will reach the limit of my growth and can say ‘well, I’m definitely into all of these things and kinks, there’s nothing else’.
Though that’s sometimes frustrating, especially when someone asks ‘well, what do you identify as?’ And I have to stumble on my words to say I’m a mix of things, it’s also a thing of beauty. Because there will always be something brand new to discover. 
For example, there’s a huge part of me that identifies with the 19th century gentleman and this unspoken undercurrent of Dominance and submission. Jane Eyre, apart from being a terrific read in general, was deeply erotic for me. 
And I identify with this gentleman because a big part that I’m drawn to is regulation. Polite wording like ‘Pardon me’ instead of ‘huh?’, standing up straight – etiquette like that – it speaks to me.
And there’s so many different nuances to something like that. Chin up, beck straight, hands to the side, hands behind your back, ask for permission to go out with your girlfriends, all these different things that branch off to different concepts and regulations and ways in which the relationship can evolve or adapt.
But then aside from this strict gentleman, or the 1950’s household hybrid of that gentleman, there are the other aspects of my personality that I’ve discovered along the way, the Daddy and the Master.
The Daddy aspect has always been with me, I think, since my early twenties. And as I got older and more at ease with myself, it has been more prominent and refined. I’m sure if I co wrote a blog with my lady, she could vouch for times it comes out – say, if she’s snacking before dinner and I tell her not to, she can hear it in my voice. Or if she’s ill but staying up late. Of if I want to read to her or be by her side when she colours. 
Recently, I’ve felt a different side bubble to the surface that bears similar traits to a Master. This crosses over with the 19th century gentleman, as the concept of setting rules and regulations in a M/s environment with many different concepts also at play intrigues me. But it’s also not quite the dynamic that fits my current relationship, as my kitten and I sit somewhere between the M/s and Daddy / LG concepts. 
It’s weird to explain because the mind shifts at any given moment and borrows traits from established roles. So it’s a mix.
And as such, I think I will always be finding out new things about my mind. Maybe I’ll change. Maybe this relationship will change. The How’s and the Why’s can be pondered all night, and this thought is lengthy enough. 
Bottom line is that I’m always growing and learning and finding new ways to live and play and explore and that’s beautiful. 
How about you, stranger? Are you a mix?

This Couple In A M/s relationship made Australian News?! 

For the original story, click here

So, hang on a minute. Hold the phone. Or go to press, whatever you’d like. 

I mean, yes hi it’s me. I’ve suffered a cold and have been reborn, but just look at this. 

This article, written by a Danielle Colley, about a middle-aged couple in a M/s just popped up in my NEWS section of my phone and….huh? What? This is news? Where did this come from? Why? And why now?

I’m baffled, really. You don’t see this sort of thing happening – and it’s in my home state as well so extra wow factor – it’s always nice seeing people so close to you in this life –  but good curly fries, what a surprise that this made news at all. I opened the article expecting to have a giggle at the way the person documented it, and does get a giggle for sounding a bit distanced from the subject, but it’s still here. Someone signed off on this, someone thought of reporting it. Why? I have no idea? Because of click bait?  No, let’s not be cynical. It’s about love. It’s about love in all the different places. 

While we may not grasp this kind of lifestyle, there is no doubt that this duo of kinksters are deeply in love. Kim says, “i am safe, i am loved, i am cared for, i am protected, and i am complete.”

All anyone can ask is to feel secure, protected and happy in a relationship, and we all get there in different ways.”
This, ladies and gents, is just sweet. It’s the perfect tonic for the night! Kim Debron, Master Joe! My hats off to you all! Especially you, miss Colley, for writing or wanting to write something about this. 

What a lovely little sentiment! Ole! 

30 Days of Dominance – Day 19 – The Social Aspects

Day 19 – How socially connected are you as a Dominant? Do you look for others to talk to about your Dominance either for support, learning, educating or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?
I’m not connected with the community here in the glorious Melbourne, Australia, no. I think that’s because I quite like the quietness that comes with just kitten and I.
At the same time, my anxiety is a killer. I do my best to work on it but it, more often then not, causes havoc. It’s part the reason why I built up my Patreon. I’ve tried work and between my quietness and stomach uneasiness, I can’t function. Which is why I’m looking at working from home. But anyway, 
This is part reason why I started the blog. To connect with the community. Of course then, I had no idea it would be received well, and now that I am, I’m happy to offer mail, Kik or Fetlife for those that want to bridge the gap between people. And it’s been lovely to pass on to others what I know and what I developed in my own journey. 
I don’t often talk religiously with readers, but ladies and gents and lurkers, you guys know I’m always there. I know we get lonely, sad, depressed in our journeys, I’m more than happy to comfort any minds I can IF I can. 
But any kind of grouping I find hard because of anxiety. I tried once, with a group from Kik, but without reason they just kicked me and that kind of set me back a few squares on confidence. Ah well. 

Don’t forget to have a look at my Patreon over on http://www.patreon.com/darkanddominant

Even pledging $1 will be most appreciated and there’s plenty of goodies to consider!

Greetings from Queensland, Australia

I’m writing this from an airport in Queensland and it has me thinking. The sunny lands, blue sky, sun kissed folks, it’s dreamy. One of these days, I should write a series set in the sunny lands of Queensland, using the people and sunny setting as a reference and contrast for what would be taking place – lust, greed, demonic sexual possession and a hunger so insatiable it shakes the reader. Hopefully. 
We will see, for now. Until then, have a beautiful day /evening my friends! 

Thoughts to keep warm during Winter

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When I tell her to bend across the pool table, I wonder what her mind is running to.
When I tease her slit with the pool cue, gliding in circles, I wonder if she is hesitant or welcoming.

And when I ease it into her, as it disappears inside her, will she buckle, will she tremble, will she tell me it’s too much or will she try and prove to me, rot herself, to the gods, that she is worthy, that she is the one. That I am the one for her.

O, will she slide back into it, to feel it stretch her, to feel ‘full’?
Or will she attempt to crawl away, as it is too much.
Which version do I want, obedience or struggle? Both harden my cock.

What will come out of those slick wet lips?
A guttural moan?
A grunt, in the most beautiful, animalistic, dare I think un-lady-like way?
Or will she sob? And if so, will that sobbing enchant me or dispel me?

How will her hair fall? Over her eyes? Over her mouth?
Will her hair stick to her wet luscious lips?

And will she come? Will she come again? Will she take the cue for me until I tell her no more, until she is so full it aches. Maybe it bleeds.

Such thoughts run through my mind. And warms my heart.