Do Not Let Anxiety Re-wire Your Mind



Whether this is taken as a piece of armour to wear into the week or whether it’s taken as a word of good will in the moment, I wanted to tell you that it’s going to be okay.

I know, I know. I talk a lot about anxiety and not enough about kink – but something struck me during a recent panic attack.

If anxiety is so powerful it can alter memories and convince you of the bad, what kind of effect would that have on your future goals?

I’m guilty of avoiding places / people involved with my anxiety sometimes, because there’s a trigger effect that takes time to fade.

And after I had my attack, I wondered: What would this do to someone interested in the lifestyle, interested in rebooting their life, but when anxiety hits, they throw it all away out of fear, and in the interest of keeping things comfortable.

If I just described you, let me give you some advice: Let the fog clear. Take a mental health day, whatever comforts your mind, and let that fog clear. Because when it does, the answers to the questions you’ve been asking will most likely not be fueled by anxiety and will, in fact, be truthful.

When you’re sitting at the threshold of this new world, hand on the door that will lead you to information about yourself you’d never thought of in your wildest dreams, it’s easy to leave that door closed. Hell, I did it for most of my twenties out of pure fear.

What if I told you, leaning on a dark cane, dressed in a black suit and crimson tie, like some sort of BDSM Willy Wonka, that everything you’ve ever wondered about yourself is beyond this door.

That, at the risk of sounding melodramatic, there is a key behind there to your very existence.

I would warn you that there might be a labyrinth Beyond this door. Maybe there’s a limitless number of doors waiting to be opened for you as you progress, with little resting bays waiting in the wings for you to take break when you are feeling overwhelmed.

Enough with the psychedelic metaphors – my message is this: Don’t let anxiety drive. If it does, don’t despair about turning that car around and making up for lost time.

It may often feel that you’re taking one step forward and two steps back but — progress is progress. Even if it’s slow and doesn’t feel like it, you are still moving forward to the next door.

So: Things to take away from this read, if you’re here:

1. Don’t be dissuaded by anxiety. If Silent Hill protagonists can move through the fog, so can you.
2. Remember to take a break from absorbing information if things become overwhelming. It was for each of us, and when you’ve passed by the sensation, you can say the same to the next group of new people.
3. Try not to run from the future. Anxiety will tell you you’re a fool, but you’re not. Let the fog clear and take baby steps.
4. If you feel like you can never break free of anxiety’s funk, you’re wrong. With a little sunshine, and a tonne of patience, you will find you can lead a normal life.


If you have any questions regarding this post, the lifestyle, calming techniques for anxiety or just need a mentor for a moment, please feel free to message me at

And remember, If I can do this, so can you.

Anxiety And Dominance



I’ve had people ask me how I deal with Anxiety as a Dominant and I’ve been hesitant to talk about it in the past because it’s such a personal and terrible thing but DAMN IT, this is 2016 and I want this blog to be all about breaking boundaries. If Year One of this blog was about Beginnings, then let Year Two be about breaking boundaries and exploring new dimensions!

So How do I deal with my anxiety in this relationship? And how does my kitten help me out?

Anxiety can knock me down in an instant. It doesn’t matter how strong I am or what I’m doing – when it comes for you – that’s it. It’s galloping at you full speed.
In these moments, one of two things can happen. I can channel this negative energy and turn it into a positive. A positive can include writing here (although in moods like that, I feel my words sound stupid and hollow), it can include mathematically looking at objects to build in Minecraft. Or it can come out sexually, which usually begins with me taking force over my kitten, being rough with her, degrading her and ending by coming on her tits or face. The last one is tricky because if I am going to play with that vessel, I want to be sure I am doing it for right reasons – and more importantly, doing it safely emotionally and physically.

The second thing is I have no sexual appetite whatsoever. None. Whatsoever. I will be in bed dead to the world, probably being held by her to calm down insane and irrational thoughts that I know are bullshit now but then, everything – every fear feels real. Roll on a bad movie, cuddle with her. Call it a day and fall asleep together.

Anxiety can come in waves. It can be there, scratching at the back of my mind lightly or it can go full blown panic mode, in which case I struggle to eat or sleep or do much of anything, really. I can still function as a Dominant for my kitty but my sex drive is weakened and so is my mental state. It usually lasts like this for a week.

Coming on her can calm me. That is what I want to talk about. I used to think little of the act when I was a teenager but now, it’s important. It solidifies something between us. She feels it. I feel it. It’s there in the air, like magic.

So in a way, the lifestyle can heal me and bring me back to normal at times. The more I get back to my old ways in these moments, the more I feel alive and the anxiety suddenly has no hold on me. Routines help my anxiety so discipline within myself and the tasks I set my kitten can help if I nip the anxiety in the bud before it can dwell. If not, it’s up to me to find my way back home.

And I guess home is kitten, her body and soul.