30 Days of Kink – Day #30: Free Time to Ponder

Write or create a list of whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to.

This is it! The last day! And it lands after the beginning of my Christmas themed stories, sorry for that! The last ten days were hard to get out / keep track of!

Anyway, Day 30 is all about free time so what I wanted to do was have this time for anyone to ask any questions, be they about their lifestyle, my lifestyle or just to talk about any stories I’ve written recently. Please don’t be shy, the only silly question is the one not asked.

The other part of Day 30 I wanted to throw out there were things I’d like to try but haven’t yet, for whatever reason.

Now that my lady and I have a place to call our own, I’d like to fully implement pet play into the space. We’ve wanted to play with cages for a while now, we just haven’t had the space until now. So that’s something to work towards.

While I’m on pet play, I would like a honest-to/goodness run. Lungs working overtime, sweat coating my entire body, my heart racing in my ears, pumping that blood, my cock hard from a mix of feelings.

We live in the suburbs so there’s not a whole lot of option to run nude lest I want to end up on the police’s most wanted, heh!

Maybe one day I’ll write a Stepford-Housewives type of story where someone like me discovers this primal underbelly of his neighbourhood and finds a pack in the people around him. Maybe we’re all possessed by the spirit of the country, that could be gold. Maybe my main character will fight the alpha and it’ll end in murder, blood in his mouth, jugular torn out, cock hard. Feral. A mix of savagery and eroticism and just thriller. Annnnyway.

Then there’s the idea of collaborating in erotic art with someone. I like the idea of writing a story with someone of the opposite sex / dynamic, you know? I’ve worked on ideas with kitten in the past – we meld concepts and I do the writing – but I’m always looking for different voices too.

30 Days of Kink – Day #29 – BDSM TITLES!

Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Well my kitten calls me Sir and I wouldn’t want that any other way!

For me, the use of the title harkens back to this sense of politeness and reception and nod to certain roles that we have taken in our lives.

I mean, yeah it’s incredibly sexy to hear it slither out of the lips of my darling. But there’s power to it that I feel, and I liken it to the days of old.

My number one rule with anyone, though, is that in their eyes, I have to have had earned their respect. Otherwise, there is little point in calling me Sir.

You could argue and say that they aren’t showing me respect by using the title, but I don’t really agree with that – I think it’s a little arrogant to demand this level of respect from someone you don’t know. So that doesn’t bother me.

There have been instances where I’ve spoken to a submissive I greatly admire and all of a sudden, they will address me as ‘Sir’ and I actually feel content, not for my own ego, but that I’ve earned their trust. I think it’s the act that’s most important, not that I’ve earned the title.

At the end of the day, I’m a schlub. I mean, I’m just some guy, sometimes I feel like — ‘hey, you don’t need to-no. You don’t need to call me Sir. Just my name is fine. I don’t deserve such recognition’.

Then I’ve met some people who feel the need to call me ‘Sir’. It’s important to them. Even if it’s someone I met, say, from the blog or on Tumblr, it’s important they keep to these values that are important. Of course they always ask first, which is lovely.

I’m sorry I’ve been a bit slack with these, ladies and gents. I’ve been fine-tuning the upcoming 12 Days of Kinkmas that I hold the start of December every year! It’ll be in its fourth year! So if you’re a fan, look forward to that, if you’re not, ignore the bombardment Of Christmas-themed erotica!

Just Write

So. I just got an email from a reader of my blog and it struck me as sad and it’s for these reasons that I want to write this piece.

If you’re going to write in to me, if you want to write in to me, there’s a couple things I, personally, want you to know and understand.

I’m not as busy as you think. I’m not running around like a headless chook, know that while I may work, I also definitely check my email daily and respond in full as soon as I can.

I don’t respond to emails to be polite to you, to what a reader described as ‘a self proclaimed fangirl’ – I respond because I want to. You must understand, I started this blog not just to share my fantasies and satisfy a part of me, I did it in case it could inspire someone as awkward as I was when I started off.

So I love hearing from people – young, old, male, female, Australian, American, Norwegian – the more the merrier. Language barriers be damned! I love conversing with people and I love talking BDSM and it’s lifestyles.

Whether you’re a fan or seeking answers or even if you a bone to pick with me about something I wrote. Grill me. I welcome all of it, criticism, friendly chatter, the like.

You’re not bothering me. At all. In all my years of blogging, in responding to the kind people that write in, I can honestly say not one email has bugged me, not one. Even if one person has a laundry list of questions, I’ll sit down and work it out with them until they’re more spent then I am. Seriously. So never ever think that YOU are the person that will be too much for me, because that just won’t be the case. Try me, I dare you!

Do you want to write but don’t know what to say? Do you feel stupid because I can talk so openly and you find it rough to? I’ve had years to process how I feel, to work to rise above my own shyness. I was the same as you in the beginning. We all start somewhere and blossom on our own time.

I will say this though – just write. Don’t worry about grammar or context or anything, just write. I honestly care not for long novel-length texts, I read every word and respond. I’ll even write a long novel-length email of my own.

Start at the beginning. Write how you feel. Find a place to start at, to get the ball rolling, and then just let it go – just write and let it loose. If it feels good, write it. If it doesn’t, write it anyway and send it.

Too many times have I read that someone wanted to write in sooner or deleted several iterations of the email they just sent – and it breaks my heart.

I know I can’t TELL people what to do. I know I can’t get people to talk as frankly as I do, but I’m writing this because I want you to know, anything you have to say, in any way, is perfectly A-OK by me and that you should not feel shame or delete what you write, because I mostly certainly want to read it. Don’t even press that delete button or I’ll slap a crop against your knuckles!

Be yourself. That’s all I ask of you. Everything else, please don’t worry. I’m not as scary as your mind makes me out to be!

TD&D

30 Days of Kink – Day #27: I’m a Day Dreamer!

Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

I’ve been do slack putting these up the past few days – my deepest apologies to the person following this daily.

To answer the question, my non-kink interests always find their way to kinky activities. Where you there when I wrote about Ariel submitting to Ursula as a Slave in exchange for human legs? I’m a huge Disney fan! I set a path to Disneyland and World when I visited the states.

Did you ever read HERA? It was a story for a competition I created last year or the year before. In it, a group of spacefarers investigate a dormant spaceship floating quietly in space, only for them to fall victim to a erratic AI becoming conscious and developing the mindset of a mistress.

It incorporated another favourite genre of mine – science fiction – and has ties to Greek mythology as well, both things I am an avid fan of.

When it comes to writing erotica, I like moving against the grain. I find to do so makes for a challenge to me as someone creating the world in ways it will pay off at the end of the tale – but I also like to challenge the reader. It’s always nice to get an email saying ‘I’m not normally a science fiction fan, or like anime, or I don’t like rape fantasies – but this really took my breath away” – to me that’s a job successfully done.

I can’t help it either, you know? Being inspired by the world around me, or incorporating other things I like into genre. For me, it just comes naturally that I want to experiment with ideas – and there’s freedom to here because I trust readers will definitely tell me what works and what doesn’t. It’s a good place to experiment.

The long-running VALHALLA is another example. I love Norse mythology and fantasy and put both into the story around the more kinky aspects like the M/s dynamic. I actually borrow a lot from old Norse texts, lifting Valkyrie names from the Prose Edda and putting them into the story. Kára is one Valkyrie from the Prose Edda, envisioned here as a fiery soul, like a feisty middle child with problems of her own.

I know what you’re thinking though – yes, yes – enough about what you like to write about, what about your sex life? Well does psychology count as a non kink activity? I mean it IS kinky too to a degree but it doesn’t quite fit into the spectrum.

I’m interested in how minds operate and why. I’m interested in encouraging minds to break free of whatever aspect that is blocking them from that liberation. I’m interested in chipping away at armour in someone piece by piece to see what’s underneath and how we can play with that together.

There’s something really REALLY sexy about finding an aspect in someone that they never knew existed. Maybe it’s an interest, maybe it’s heightened pleasure. To break them when they say they can’t be broken.

Then it’s something as simple as walking out the door right? I walk out the door, ready to grab a coffee for the day (praise and glory be to the coffee) and all of a sudden I’m thinking how I can push kitten against this wall and making her whimper.

I’m constantly thinking about the world and the people around me and turning them into stories I can write about.

I’m a day dreamer.

30 Days of Kink – Day #26 – My Opinion on Online BDSM interaction

What’s your opinion on online BDSM play? Or online D/s Relationships?

I have no qualms with it whatsoever. The majority of my BDSM education came from interactions online – through Fetlife or through WordPress and the lovely readers who choose to write me (Never underestimate the power of encouraging words, especially to a writer!). I’m talking invaluable life and personality lessons.

And I mean, the best thing I can say about online BDSM is that it encourages the best component, the psychological interaction with one another. So much of it can be text based in an exciting way – the use of words or tasks or just deep conversation.

Then there’s the other side, the harmful side. People can abuse newcomers. It is heartbreaking how common it is to hear from a reader or lurker that there is this man that is playing mind games. That’s not to rule out a dastardly wicked woman – it really can go both ways – but the majority of what I’ve personally dealt with are men misusing dominant traits and emotionally abusing new submissives and shattering their trust.

As good as the initial interaction can be, especially on a psychological level, I feel like people new to the dynamic need to be careful. Submissive’s especially need to understand that they have to give consent before being demanded things. They need to understand they have that power and that right and that equality.

It’s important to keep an eye out for traits of twitchy folk – are they pushy? Rushing things? Demanding? Are they respecting your self or they misusing the whole dynamic?

As fruitful and involving and lovely as online D/s can be, I also feel that an endgame of it, no matter how far off, if it’s quite serious of course, should be to turn that exchange into a long term psychical relationship. But even saying that is a bit generalising, for some people have ways of surviving in that state, with one another, and can make it work. So it depends on the individuals involved.

30 Days of Kink – Day #25 – How Open Are You About Your Kinks?

How open are you about your kinks?

The one thing I always say to people who write to me is that they can ask what they’d like – because I’m pretty open to a point. I like having that availability to people and I like just being open myself as I don’t see kink as being something to shy from.

But! I mean, I don’t flaunt it needlessly. If it comes up, say, around family or friends, I’ll be open and give my opinion and if questions about my life come up, I wouldn’t beat around the bush about it. I would be open – to a degree and politely – about how it appeals to me.

However, when it comes to readers and people who have questions on my tumblr, I’m open quite a bit. Shoot! Fire away! Go ham! The sky’s the limit. Let’s do this! Whatever goes!

30 Days of Kink – Day #23 – How Has Your Perspective Changed?

Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? If so, how?

I would like to think I’ve certainly matured over all.

For example, my attitudes towards punishment have been refined, whereas before they were a little rough around the edges in terms of the effect they could have.

But also, dominance has become more fulfilling in me when I think less about what I want out of it and what it means for the mind of the submissive. My approach in seducing and in handling myself and all sorts of aspects has matured as I’ve grown with kitten.

Beyond that, my mind has opened to the ways of being / learning / transforming into a Master. The nature of it used to scare me, I think, and I ran from it, but now I’m growing into the idea. I’m writing more openly about it and exploring what it could mean for me.

People used to say of me that I came out of my shell as I got older, maybe this was always the next stage in my metamorphosis – being more comfortable in my skin.

So I guess that means I’ve been more experimental as I’ve found my courage from within. It’s a lovely feeling.