The Differing Views on Sexuality

 

IF you were to google, say, CowGirl Dominatrix, just look at some of the images you find – from photo shoots to drawings and 3D Renderings.

I did, myself, after wondering what that would really look like, or what people would think it really look like. Because – let’s face it, there’s no right or wrong answer. People adapt what they like, they shape it into something they like.

I was surprised to find a lot of steampunk influences in what a CowGirl Dominatrix would look like. Steampunk, for those unfamiliar, is a hybrid genre. It’s like taking a 19th century aesthetic but blending it with a futuristic setting. Which makes sense for the Dominatrix visuals I came across in my journey, much like these:

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But it’s not entirely what I, personally, had in mind. Which is fascinating to me, because it’s so different from what I’m finding on google – that and it’s says a lot about my tastes and views.

For example, my defining CowGirl Domme would not be dressed out in black attire seen in these images I posted. It’s more fascinating, more alluring for me to have this Domme hidden in plain sight.

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I’m not really interested in the exaggerated sexed up CowGirl that revels in short frilly skirts and unbuttoned blouses. It’s strange, because as a writer, if I were writing a western themed piece of erotica, my Domme would be this normal next-door Jenny. Tends to her father, takes care of the farm. Whips the curious boy or girl in the barn once the sun goes down.

That’s interesting for me because I can explore daytime Jenny as well as free uninhabited Jenny. Something I strive for with the duality in my life, and something I love to teach to anyone that wants my mentoring.

And the most interesting thing here is that someone could come along and say I’M boring, and they prefer the looks above. Or that maybe the looks above are Jenny’s true form. Maybe that’s what she wears when the sun goes down. I don’t know.

I like Jenny, I’m already forming an idea of her. Kinda like a Disney Princess but one that’s been shifted on her head – she seeks adventure out of her daily life. She is getting the feeling she’s pretending to be someone she’s not. Maybe I need to write a series just to give Jenny a life and room to breathe. Characters tend to haunt me if I don’t.

People have different opinions on these natures of things. I love that. Because it’s fascinating to understand why, and after all, it just creates new stories to watch unfold. That’s always a beautiful thing.

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Do Not Let Anxiety Re-wire Your Mind

 

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Whether this is taken as a piece of armour to wear into the week or whether it’s taken as a word of good will in the moment, I wanted to tell you that it’s going to be okay.

I know, I know. I talk a lot about anxiety and not enough about kink – but something struck me during a recent panic attack.

If anxiety is so powerful it can alter memories and convince you of the bad, what kind of effect would that have on your future goals?

I’m guilty of avoiding places / people involved with my anxiety sometimes, because there’s a trigger effect that takes time to fade.

And after I had my attack, I wondered: What would this do to someone interested in the lifestyle, interested in rebooting their life, but when anxiety hits, they throw it all away out of fear, and in the interest of keeping things comfortable.

If I just described you, let me give you some advice: Let the fog clear. Take a mental health day, whatever comforts your mind, and let that fog clear. Because when it does, the answers to the questions you’ve been asking will most likely not be fueled by anxiety and will, in fact, be truthful.

When you’re sitting at the threshold of this new world, hand on the door that will lead you to information about yourself you’d never thought of in your wildest dreams, it’s easy to leave that door closed. Hell, I did it for most of my twenties out of pure fear.

What if I told you, leaning on a dark cane, dressed in a black suit and crimson tie, like some sort of BDSM Willy Wonka, that everything you’ve ever wondered about yourself is beyond this door.

That, at the risk of sounding melodramatic, there is a key behind there to your very existence.

I would warn you that there might be a labyrinth Beyond this door. Maybe there’s a limitless number of doors waiting to be opened for you as you progress, with little resting bays waiting in the wings for you to take break when you are feeling overwhelmed.

Enough with the psychedelic metaphors – my message is this: Don’t let anxiety drive. If it does, don’t despair about turning that car around and making up for lost time.

It may often feel that you’re taking one step forward and two steps back but — progress is progress. Even if it’s slow and doesn’t feel like it, you are still moving forward to the next door.

So: Things to take away from this read, if you’re here:

1. Don’t be dissuaded by anxiety. If Silent Hill protagonists can move through the fog, so can you.
2. Remember to take a break from absorbing information if things become overwhelming. It was for each of us, and when you’ve passed by the sensation, you can say the same to the next group of new people.
3. Try not to run from the future. Anxiety will tell you you’re a fool, but you’re not. Let the fog clear and take baby steps.
4. If you feel like you can never break free of anxiety’s funk, you’re wrong. With a little sunshine, and a tonne of patience, you will find you can lead a normal life.

THAT BEING SAID,

If you have any questions regarding this post, the lifestyle, calming techniques for anxiety or just need a mentor for a moment, please feel free to message me at darkanddominant@hotmail.com

And remember, If I can do this, so can you.

2017: My Year In Review

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For me, 2017 was very much a year of progression of me. Not just in my relationship, which grows and expands each day, but in my life – my legacy. The thing I’ll take with me to the next life.

To avoid a headache, I’ll split and reflect on what I’ve encountered in a few sub headings. Let’s do this.

Some Kind of Divine Comedy

I started this year in a transitory position. Still in a new relationship, I navigated my way through the end of my college work and back out into adulthood.

Through all this, if I was Dante, Kitten was my Virgil. My guide through it all.

When I was anxious, when I doubted myself, when I sat slumped on the couch and said I should stop writing on this blog, for what do I have left to give? — Well, Kitten was there to slap me upside my head and tell me to relax.

It helped. More than I could put into words. In this blog or TO her.

Me, Myself and I

As I juggled the end of college, I also did a wee bit of mentoring as well.
For those new to the blog and wondering what mentoring details exactly, think of it like this: A mentor is there to help someone who needs a reliant source of information. Instead of, say, a delayed response on a blog, email is there as an option, as are other social networking means. Occasionally, I’ll offer up my kik, as I’m usually there chatting to mates any way.

I reassure, I answer questions. Occasionally I give ideas that might help in areas of insecurity or discipline. Anything that will act as a positive reinforcement. And what do I get out of it? Fulfilment. The knowledge that I have helped people.

It’s been a wonderful thing, because I have seen these people move on to beautiful harmony with their own partners. And it’s nice to know that I could help, even if it’s in a minuscule way.

Beyond Mentoring, I’ve challenged myself in my writing – to think outside of the box. To change. To say something different, so I don’t get stuck in monotone gear.

The results are…a work in progress. I have a default writing mode. A default writing voice. I need to figure out how to progress.

The Master in Me

In my own down time, I’ve done some reflecting on how my own feelings have changed and morphed in the year. There’s an element of a Master to me, I have discovered. A personality trait that comes out when provoked, taking sadistic glee in the humiliation of others and in his own Slave.

I say ‘element of a Master’ because I’m a weird sort of hybrid Dominant. I have so many traits within me and the one that is usually present most of my conscious days is the Daddy Dom that nurtures Kitten.

It’s a weird balance, you see. But it’s the only way I can make sense of everything that floats around my head.

Last but not least

The relationship between my kitten and I has been ever-smooth. Ever changing for the good, revealing new personality traits that are quite the spark – especially for my stories!

And yet, through all this, I find the need to push myself. For her. For myself.

It’s easy, I think, to get in the trap of living day to day in your own mind that you forget you are leading someone, taking care of someone. And I need to beat myself up less for that, while improving my mind. To be better for myself, for her, and for how my dominant self fits into the dynamic of the world around me.

Beyond that, dear reader, I am now 30. I am no longer the ‘twenty-something’ guy that started this blog. So what does the future hold in store for me? For me in the world? For kitten and I?

I’m sure you’ll find out as soon as I do. In the meantime, you should review and reflect as well.

In 2018, You Will Be Alright

 

The D/s dynamic.

Master. Slave. Submissive. Dominant. Switch. Primal. New. Old. Divorced. Separated. Isolated.

No matter what you’re feeling, no matter where you are in life, 2018 will be okay for you.

It’s easy though feel fear approaching the new year. What have you achieved? Where are you going? How will you get there? What plan do you have?

The thing is, through hard work and determination, through taking one step at a time – no matter if they’re baby steps – you’ll be perfectly fine. It’s an old saying but it’s something that I found when I was at the lowest in my life – things have a way of working themselves out. What that means for you, time will tell – but things tend to fall into place.

But you can’t expect things to come to you. These things take work. Time. You have to want what you’re seeking. And some days you need to challenge yourself, cauterise the negative thinking and get out of bed.

The same goes for people new to the dynamic, new to exploring where they fit into all of this – whether you’re single and looking for the right partner, whether you’re in a marriage and trying to find the right balance –

All you need is patience, love and the drive to explore and educate. You may not feel up to it every day, some days it will be tough and overwhelming and you will feel like you are about to crash, but keep pushing, keep moving. Keep thinking this is just one day, tomorrow is a new start. A fresh start.

You can achieve anything. If I can, you definitely can.

 

Giving Thanks

Before Christmas hits and everyone’s life plunged into a social frenzy, I wanted to take this time to give thanks to you all.

To each and every one of you, thank you for your warm comments on my blog, thank you for finding the courage to write to me, entrusting me with the details of your life.

Thank you for your constructive criticism, your raw honesty and your seemingly never-ending desire to keep reading what I put out.

Thank you for reassuring me, in times of my anxious and rambling posts. Words could never find the right way to express my gratitude.

Lastly, thank you to the people who have not commented, who have not written in for whatever reason, be it fear or shame or courage. I know you are reading intently, and that alone means the world to me. May you find the peace you seek.

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! However you celebrate, I hope the light of the festive season finds its way into your home and brings you joy.

Be safe. Be well. Be happy.

 

Rain

And I would watch you
Sprawled across the wet grass,
Hair strewn out in tangles,
Droplets falling across your bare body,
as the storm subsides.

I would watch
As a lover
As a friend
As a passerby
Just to learn
Just to see
How you’d react

The way you’d whimper
As the rain fell across your skin,
The way your body would spasm,
as the goosebumps formed.

With every expression,
Every smile,
Every twitch,
I would learn something new.