One For The Newbies: Some Tips For Beginners

Taking the first step to wanting to try any form of BDSM is intense. It’s scary, thrilling and overwhelming. Where do you start? What’s a primal? How do you navigate in a world so full of differences? It’s terrifying. 
‘Where do I start?’ Is a question that I get asked a lot – and it’s a difficult one, because everyone has a path set out for them and every path is different. 
Here’s some tips I have compiled for any newbie passing by. 
Research

Read everything you can find. Novels, self-help books, blogs, tumblr, websites. Self-help books are immensely useful, it’s what I used for my kitty’s training. It’s what I read when first starting out as well.
Blogs are useful tools because they are personal. They get right to the heart. And that’s something priceless and beautiful and valuable for someone coming to the lifestyle because you can learn. 
And it might make you feel less alone. 
Watching porn can be a useful starting point as well. If only because it might gauge how you feel towards a certain act, in a really visceral way. From a male’s perspective, it helped me identify my own interests because I started to realise that ‘hey, this really does turn me on’ – again, it’s a minor thing but it helped so maybe it might help you.

Fetlife

Fetlife is alienating and terrifying when first approaching, but it’s really rather handy for identifying local get togethers, convention and just finding a useful person as well. 
If you can break through any barriers you may have, I would say look into it. Give it a trial period and see how you go. You might surprise yourself or it might not be for you, you never know how you go until you try. 

Dip Into The Pool Slowly

Time’s a funny thing. You feel like you can’t get enough of it.
No one is going to be judging you if you take your time with learning. A Dominant shouldn’t harass a submissive for wanting to take things slow and a submissive shouldn’t force a Dominant into making snap decisions (But two examples out of many)

There is a lot to consider about BDSM – safe word’s, the length of a scene, the contract itself, tastes and distastes. And you know what? People grow differently. At different times. And you, my friend, have all the time in the world. 
You might even think ‘Well, Mr. Dark and Dominant, you don’t know my age’ – I don’t care if you’re 16, 40 or 80, you have time to learn and to go your own pace. And don’t ever let anyone judge you for it. 

Learning The Truth Is A Long And Personal Process

Reading, social media – they may be useful for you identifying key kinks – but at the end of the day, what’s really important is personal growth.
Grab a journal, a pen and sit down. Underline exactly what it is you want out of this journey. Draw a list of pro’s and cons. Make a list of any things you want to work on – body image, esteem, finding a partner, being comfortable in your own skin.

The biggest battle for me was accepting that my whole life was about to change. Looking back, it wasn’t as dramatic a change as I thought, but it was one a life altering one and that was scary and different and hard for me at first. 
You can do anything, you just have to practice until you are a god/goddess at it. That will come with time.

That Feeling: A Stream of Consciousness poem 


I wrote the following half awake-half asleep, lost in a daze.


That feeling 

When you take her by surprise 
And she lets out a low gasp 
As you ease into her

Taking your time 

Drawing it out
That feeling of
Filling her entirely with your cock

Skin against skin 

To the brim 

Nothing but her cries 
Nothing can come close to

Her soaking cunt

The source of her dirty mind 

Scorching hot and soaking wet
Have you held your cock there 

To the brim 

Controlling her

Leaning over her 

She’s your puppet 

At your mercy 

Writhing 

Low growling 

Possessed 
To have that control 

To seize her humanity 

All that she is 

And pin it beneath you 

Open her up

Examine the animal call
There are no words for that feeling 

None at all 

The Nature of being Hyper-Sexual

 

 

4777f765d7b29309c803c9e81e3917da.jpgWhen I was younger, I used to be paranoid about high my sex drive was. Even after my hormonal spurt, well into my twenties, I was thinking a lot about the sexual nature of things.

I’d be at a cafe, observing people like some sort of alien, not for anything sexual, just because people in general fascinate me, but then I’d think about the type of things people would be interested in sexually. Is that tired looking mum into BDSM? What kind of things does she enjoy sexually? Are her and her hubby really enjoying themselves, how do they communicate sexually? Is that man happy with his wife or does he spend his free time wanking to another male over cam? Are these people shaven, trimmed, what, brain, what?!

 

This all ties into my overactive imagination. But I used to worry that it was all wrong, that I was perverted or addicted or one of those alarming big words – SEXUAL ADDICTION!

 

In my later years, and since being with my kitten, I don’t think like that as much. It’s not so much about sex that I think of when I look at people, but more about their happiness. I think this is partly because I came from a destructive relationship and I worry about anyone in that state, even if it isn’t my business or problem.

 

And beyond thinking about their happiness, I do occasionally think about the sex lives of others. I can’t help it. It’s the pervert in me but it’s not a personal thing, like I am not honing in on a particular aspect and jerking off in my mind’s eye, I am more curious as to how people behave and why they behave the way they do.

 

I still worry about my hypersexual nature. It comes and goes and comes and goes. Usually I take it out on my kitten, sometimes myself, if kitten is tired or unavailable, sometimes I just write.

 

My blog is – think of it like a bottle of wine, with the cork standing between reality and fantasy. Sometimes I let the bottle air out a bit, revealing my darkest desires to you, the reader, and sometimes I seal it before it spreads like wildfire and I’m just some transformed beast constantly fucking out my innermost desires.

 

In summary, if you have a hyper sexual nature, it’s not a bad thing. I think you’ll find it’s more human nature than addiction. More curiosity than impulse.

 

As always, if you are frustrated about it and need to vent any anxieties, feel free to reach me at darkanddominant@hotmail.com, so in the dark light of the morning, I can tell you that it’s all perfectly natural and you aren’t the only one sometimes worrying. I do it too.

 

 

Dream Time #1

Okay, so here’s the thing:
I was having this dream that I was visiting my folks back home. My home is in another state – and for some comparison, if you drove it would take 18 and a bit hours to reach, give or take traffic, roads, the boring she-bang. 
But the point was, I was back at home. Visiting. I wasn’t me, as I wasn’t with my kitten. I was a version of me. It’s very weird how the mind correlates between version me and reality me. But I wasn’t me. 
I was heading home, in some light blue car I’ve never seen before, and all of a sudden, my sister wants a ride. 
Now, this was version-sister, not reality-sister. In reality, my sister isn’t a blonde-haired, blue-eyed porcelain doll come to life. 

Why Dream-Sister chose to come along, beats me. I don’t know. Can’t remember.

But for the first half of the Dream, it was pleasant. A road trip, killer music, the wind in my hair, the open road – the dream, my mind, was playing all the cards I like – it knows I’m seduced by the road. I must’ve been a nomad in my past life, before I was a domineering 18th Century Master with a cruel sadistic mind.
All of a sudden, I turn to her and say
‘Your cunt must be soaking wet’
All of a sudden, the dream shifts. We’re in a car, still on the road trip, but the mood has completely changed. She’s blushing, like an anime girl (more on that in a bit), and I’m reaching down through the gap in her denim skirt.
And I’m right. She IS dripping. 

Feeling how soaked you’ve made someone is right up there as being one of the best feelings, because it’s sexy on so many levels and because it’s a culmination of so many different things. I mean, yeah, it’s a bodily reaction, but on the same hand, you’re the reason why. It’s just a nice feeling. And a huge turn on.
I don’t remember the rest of the dream – but let’s dissect it a little.
I’ve already made sense of the romantic side in me being manipulated by my own brain. The brother-sister thing – that’s been a little fantasy of mine for ages, and a role play on a few occasions.
The appearance of my ‘sister’? I’ve been watching a lot of anime lately. More to the point, I’ve been binging Persona 5, a JRPG (Japanese Role Playing Game, for the uninitiated) and I do believe that a combination of one of my favourite characters, plus just a mix of characters from the fantasy-horror Berserk have melded to create my dream sister. 
Exhibit A: Ann from Persona 5.

Exhibit B: Farnese from Berserk.


So there you have it, between my love for road trips, acceptance of incest as a fantasy and my interest in anime, I’ve had a strange sexual dream merging all three.
As for why? Who knows. I don’t actively fantasise over these characters, though I do mentally register them as pretty. So who knows? That’s the mind for you. 

Care to share yours?  

Male Masturbation Technique #1

I found a fun way to play with myself.

It came when I was nodding off one afternoon, my hand resting in the heat of my pants, gripping my cock.

Next time you grip your hard cock, use the muscles in your crotch to squeeze. The pressure against your hand holding it down creates that delicious friction.
It creates this pull and stretch effect. Two forces against each other. This grind that you can easily get into a rocking sensation. 
From there, you can build a nice orgasm or stretch your shaft with your fingers to create a lingering sensation. 
It all builds, you see. That’s the best part. Building to the moment you explode. 
So for the guys out there, do try. Do take the time. And do let me know, either by comment or email, how you found it. 

Overactive Imagination


What does it say about my mind, if I ponder a strangers life?

In a second, my mind flashes – and I wonder about their shape, their tastes, their soul, the dark corners of their mind? 

Is it a matter of perversion? Am I THAT guy? The sleaze? Or am I just of a sexual nature, of a curious nature, pondering.
A woman behind the counter smiles, and I think about what that smile might look like years ago. And does she smile, not for me, but for herself when she is alone? 

A dad sternly tells his child to sit still, his wife and he exchange glances. What is their life like away from their kids, behind closed doors?
It isn’t a matter of being a pervert, I don’t think. I just think it’s a heightened sense of thinking. I’ve always had an overactive imagination. I’ve always thought too much and too deeply. 
People’s lives fascinate me. It’s something I love about this blog – hearing from people, getting to know them. Checking my email is exciting for me, though of late, it’s been empty, routinely cleaned. Chat to me? I’m sure I have a marble of knowledge to pass on. Maybe. 
I always feel guilty about thinking too deeply. Like it’s wrong to dig deep, to think about the raw nature of a person. To open that door. 

I’m not gawking at women left right and centre, it’s more that I watch everybody. Women, men, children, families, the middle aged woman behind the counter with the sad smile. Maybe it’s the writer in me?
I was looking at Facebook earlier. A post of a science fiction movie came my way, the image featured a woman, nude, knees bent hiding her breasts and vagina, and my mind skipped to the intensely erotic: 
What if she was held in a pod full of water, breathing through a tube connected from the device to her mouth.
What if there were machines, pulling at her legs, testing her desire, exploiting it. Like she was a pet to an unseen scientist. 

Does my mind always go to the sexual? Sometimes. My wandering mind tends to cross over into my high sex drive. But I guess what it comes down to is that I think too deeply.
And what I wanted to write, as the night heads into the witching hour, was that it’s okay to think deeply, about the people around you, about their minds, dreams, fears, relationships, desires and more. 
I wouldn’t advise going too far down the rabbit hole – unless you’ve got a guide to help you come back to Earth. But is it something you should hide from? Try to repress? 
No. Absolutely not. 

On My Writing Style

After a week or two of releasing some erotica I had written on the blog for the first time, a lovely submissive woman wrote in to me about one of my stories ‘Payback’, a particularly aggressive bit of rape fantasy. 
She expressed that although she’s open to the idea of rape fantasy, my piece, with its coarseness, challenged her. Made her uncomfortable.
I’ve been reading a lot about the stylings of erotica. The sensual flow it can have, the artful elegance it can lend to any moment of passion. 
I don’t know if I’m that good of a writer, to be frank. Furthermore, I’m not sure I would want to be writing in that style. 
I certainly like that elegant, classical style but I think I enjoy writing from the mind of something rough, so when it comes to language, I use very coarse descriptions, because I’m usually in a first person perspective. 
Not always. There has been a series I’m doing recently that focuses on the little moments, like the piece I wrote called ‘Zoe’, which I really loved. Because it was atmospheric and I could focus on the details of Zoe herself or the environment. 
Why do I write so roughly – or viciously? 
I’m interested in really dark subject matter. 
Each story I write has a bit of me in there that’s clawing to get out.

And I find rather then bottling it, I can tap into it and let out the pressure. Explore it in a safe context.

To that end, I’m interested in the darker mindset of people. The impulses they hide from view. Or bury. I want to scratch the surface and see what’s underneath. So I fantasise about it. And write it down.
And if I can challenge someone’s thoughts, great. If I’ve ever challenged you, I want to hear about it. Write to me, tell me why. If I’ve bored you, I want to hear about it. Write to me, tell me why. How else will I grow as a writer, a master of words? 
And beyond rough language and darkness, I’m a big fan of gothic fantasy. So I like to incorporate some gothic qualities into the writing, whether it’s vampires, cults or sea creatures. 
Lastly, I’m open to writing prompts. That sounds like something that would be fun. And challenging. Something that could flex the writing muscle!