3 Day Quote Challenge – Day 3

I’m late to the party but forgive me, my mind has been distracted.

Let’s begin!

“Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee. Sink all coffins and all hearses to one common pool! and since neither can be mine, let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, though tied to thee, thou damned whale! THUS, I give up the spear!”

At the climax of Moby Dick, Captain Ahab goes out defiantly, facing the very opponent that had driven him mad.

No big meaning behind this one. I’ve always found the language so raw and piercing and beautiful. Ahab, surging with all the intensity of hell, knows he is facing his death and even so, is still consumed with desire and rage and hatred.

It’s tragic, it’s searing and it’s potent.

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Thinking Out Loud: Looking at Mental Health, BDSM and D/s Relationships

In my time of blogging, not to mention my own existential wanderings, I’ve come to realise that there is a relationship between those into BDSM and anxiety and/or depression.

The only thing I have had trouble understanding is the answer to the question – why?

Do these two things exist because of each other? Does one lead to the other? Is it through our development, whatever leads to the makings of anxiety in our mind or biological make up, that we become drawn to BDSM and Dominant / submissive relationships?

I’m not saying that you can’t have one without the other – you obviously can – but since opening my blog and talking to the gracious souls that wish to strike up a dialogue, a recurring theme I’ve seen is that anxiety and depression are threads that weave in and out of these lives.

I don’t know why. Sometimes I like to think it’s my anxious mind that helps me be kinder to the world and to partners and to people. Is that another connective tissue or am I simply being egotistical at this point? Questions upon questions.

Maybe I’m not qualified to even answer, or to write this article. I’m a writer, not a therapist. I merely think out loud.

I don’t know what to tell someone when they ask if their interest in BDSM is linked to a trauma that occurred early in their life. I can’t say, only offering to be a sympathetic ear and to gently remind them that practicing BDSM and D/s safely should not bring about any guilt.

I don’t think we’ll get all the answers. Maybe we’re not supposed to. Maybe, so long as things are practiced in a healthy manner, so long as the individual’s state of mind is calm and in a positive state, maybe the why isn’t as important as the how.

In the end, what’s important is finding that sweet spot of living peacefully with your demons. Of safe environments in BDSM, of living with grief. Co-existing, you know?

Make time for yourself. Take care of yourself. Remember that living with a mental illness CAN be compatible with BDSM and a D/s relationship because the physical safety and mental well-being of those involved is a key factor and can be safely explored, with or without a partner.

When I began to actively explore BDSM and a D/s relationship, I didn’t know where I could stand. I often have so many thoughts that I need to have someone who can reassure me that things are okay, that they won’t tire of my questions or run out of patience. And I found my footing! And the same can happen for you!

No matter what has happened, we can come back from being knocked down. I have to believe that we can. Even in my worst days of panic.

Three Day Quote Challenge – Day 2!

‘I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work’ – Thomas Edison.

An unfortunate habit of mine is to spiral into the depths of depression and highlight anything negative about my mind or my way of thinking.

And so it extends to my life, my writing, this blog or any interaction within this blog.

This quote helps me realise that we are not failures. We just found a dead end in the maze and have to retrace our steps. That’s all.

So if you find yourself in this mindset, if you’ve found yourself out of a long term relationship and can’t see the sun through the clouds, remember: this isn’t the end. This isn’t failure. It continues. Life continues. No matter how hard it is, your story isn’t over. You can still find your perfect life and achieve your dreams.

Dominant Writing Prompts #1: On Love

I’ve been thinking of ways to keep the blog fresh and engaging and interactive, and so the internet led me to some DOMINANT PROMPTS that I am borrowing from dominantguide.com

Before I begin, I just want to say, if you have any prompts for a question or story, let me know. I’m happy to engage to get the mind active.

Is love different in D/s relationships compared to vanilla ones?

In a way. Love can be universal but we can express it differently in a D/s relationship.

We love our partner as anyone would but it takes on different forms that are expressed through different dynamics.

Using but one example, I lick sometimes to display affection. It’s a very primal thing that is shared between my kitten and I. It’s something that comes out in certain occasions.

So I think love tends to take shape according to the individual in the dynamic and the protocol within the dynamic.

Do Dominants and submissive’s love differently?

I believe their love is connected in that it can stem from a number of ideas, among them the need to lead and a need to be led, and come together in harmony. But I think the things that they are drawn to, while equal in strength, can be different.

That appeals to me, the reasons why. That difference. Maybe it does to others as well.

Have you experienced submissives falling in love faster than Dominants?

No. In my experience I have seen both Dominant and submissive types fall in love pretty quickly.

And while I haven’t done enough research into this, I would say it really depends on the individual and their personality and view on love.

Are there different ways of love in D/s?

Oh my word! Absolutely. From the Daddy / Mummy and his / her little to the Master and Slave to the primals and their pack of pups, there are plenty of different ways of expressing love, physical or emotionally.

That’s the beautiful thing about it, I find – the idea that with someone you hold dearest, you can safely explore the deepest part of yourself without fear and judgement. And that this deepest part of yourself can take on any form is the best realisation on this journey.

April AMA!

I’ve been wanting to do another Q & A / AMA as these are usually a good thing for me. Either something I’ve never thought to mention comes up, a question can challenge my perception – OR I have an opportunity to be informative.

So if you have a question you want to ask, shoot it my way. It can be fun or random, absurd and silly, naughty and nice, about the lifestyle, about my tastes on the world, it can be about music, love, life and the random encounters that make it magical. It can be BDSM related, story related, you can recommend a novel or a movie – BDSM related or otherwise – the sky is the limit!

So whether you have a pressing question, whether you’re a new reader or an old one. Whether you want to be bratty or cheeky or a smart arse or just want to talk – please don’t be shy and fire away. Don’t worry about me being busy. I’ll always find down time to respond!

And by all means, feel free to either respond in the comments or through email!

Mystery Blogger Award.

Hullo ladies and gentlemen!

It appears I have been nominated for this MYSTERY BLOGGER AWARD!

I have zero idea why, to be frank, but I’m not one to be a buzzkill! So let the games…er…continue!

The MYSTERY BLOGGER AWARD was created by this mischievous fellow – https://www.okotoenigmasblog.com – and is a fun little way to highlight some WordPress folk out there that deserve a shoutout.

Here are the rules!

Rules:

• Put the award logo/image on your blog.

• List the rules.

• Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.

• Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well.

• Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.

• Answer the questions you were asked.

• You have to nominate 10 people.

• Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.

• Ask your nominees any five questions of your choice, with one weird or funny question.

Three things about me? Let’s see.

1. The first genre of writing I fell in love with was the adventure genre. Ancient tombs, sassy heroines, supernatural threats – I eat that like I eat ice cream at 2am.

2. I’ve been caught having sex before. By my mother.

3. I often read multiple books at once, stopping one in favour of another before going back to the one before that to finally finish it.

And now – questions!

1. What is your greatest fear?

To depart this world and to not be remembered.

2. What do you feel is your best accomplishment, thus far, in your life?

Besides finally reaching Disneyland / World? And coming back into the life of my lady? Finally completing my degree in creative writing.

3. If you had 1 unrestricted wish, what would you wish for?

To win the lottery. That way I can establish a future, pay off a few things, take my lady to see her dreams. Make a secret lair in my home activated by a piano tune!

4. What inspired you to begin your blogging journey?

Helping people in their own discoveries or journey. Hence me constantly writing articles about it being okay to write to me. Sorry!!

5. What is your favorite type of music?

Heavy metal – which is comprised of thrash, doom, death, speed, black and classical heavy metal.

But I do like a mix!

As for my nominees!

Curiousclitty

JayeEliseWrites

Findingmywaytosolidground

BathedinBlood

MissAmeliaandSir

I’m going to cheat and not do ten. Sorry!!

As for the nominees, here are your questions:

1. What inspired you to blog?

2. What are you currently reading?

3. If you were running a music festival, what five bands would you choose as headliners?

4. Favourite author and why?

5. Have you ever seen a ghost?

Thank you to Ava, of Brozo and Ava, for this fun little detour on a quiet Sunday evening! I hope you enjoy!

To Those Suffering: You Are Not Alone. You Are Not A Freak.

Browsing my Tumblr, I came across a link in my feed that featured the intriguing concept of a suicide hotline but in text, for those with anxiety when it comes to using the phone and talking.

And I was inspired to write.

When I was a teenager, I was dealing with anxiety before I even fully understood what it meant to have an anxiety disorder.

I would obsess on details, go around in circles on every minute detail, convinced I had missed the point, when in actual fact I was driving myself to madness.

My sexuality is something I’d obsessed about. I had all these feelings I couldn’t understand – I enjoyed being naked, which, coming from a household where being shirtless as a man was something my family would scoff at, meant I’d harboured ill thoughts about myself.

I had a significantly high sex drive, often indulging in the sensualities of pleasure. And on top of all that, I had started to be drawn towards the darker things, the animalistic things, and I had no idea why.

Every time I got the courage to try and talk to someone about it, either a girlfriend or via some age old chatroom, my nerves fell apart.

And who could I talk to? I had friends but then we were of an age where kink was the underlying butt of a joke – Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me.

I self-harmed. I don’t know why. To make sense of it all, to feel something. I still have the scars. I still can hear the sound of my skin popping beneath the blade I used – and I’m ashamed. I cringe now. That was me? That lost, foolish guy?

This wasn’t the right way, it wasn’t who I am, but I didn’t know what way was right.

People of all ages read my blog. I’m grateful for that, I welcome that. I never thought I’d amount to much on a blog, let alone have people write in. Yet they do.

I know teenagers read my blog. I occasionally get an email from some.

I don’t judge their experiences. Or their age. We were like them once and I’ll do all I can if it means I help just one person.

But to adults and teenagers alike, let me say this: You are not alone, you are not a freak. The anxious thoughts you grapple with will pass in time, this I can promise you.

I know it will feel like nothing can ever get better, I know it’ll feel like today your life will never be the same again – but it will.

It might not be today. It might be here tomorrow. But it will fade and you will feel yourself again.

We are not mad for being sensual beings, we are not freaks. We are a select few who choose to explore the other parts of our minds that some are too scared to unlock and explore, our of fear they’ll find something they cannot accept.

If you’re worried about anyone judging you – think on this: Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. If you lose anyone if or when you reveal this other side to you, it’s on them and definitely not on you. Do you understand?

Lastly, I know I’m some guy on the Internet, on a BDSM blog about Valkyries and kink and warped Disney stories – but if ever that anxiety becomes soul crushing, if you’re friends and family seem to bear a weight down upon you, if you find yourself feeling like the world is going to end tonight, please – write to someone. Yourself, closest friend or family member, me.

As a stranger, I’m happy to help you carry the load. You’re not alone. You’re not a freak.