30 Days of Kink – Day #30: Free Time to Ponder

Write or create a list of whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to.

This is it! The last day! And it lands after the beginning of my Christmas themed stories, sorry for that! The last ten days were hard to get out / keep track of!

Anyway, Day 30 is all about free time so what I wanted to do was have this time for anyone to ask any questions, be they about their lifestyle, my lifestyle or just to talk about any stories I’ve written recently. Please don’t be shy, the only silly question is the one not asked.

The other part of Day 30 I wanted to throw out there were things I’d like to try but haven’t yet, for whatever reason.

Now that my lady and I have a place to call our own, I’d like to fully implement pet play into the space. We’ve wanted to play with cages for a while now, we just haven’t had the space until now. So that’s something to work towards.

While I’m on pet play, I would like a honest-to/goodness run. Lungs working overtime, sweat coating my entire body, my heart racing in my ears, pumping that blood, my cock hard from a mix of feelings.

We live in the suburbs so there’s not a whole lot of option to run nude lest I want to end up on the police’s most wanted, heh!

Maybe one day I’ll write a Stepford-Housewives type of story where someone like me discovers this primal underbelly of his neighbourhood and finds a pack in the people around him. Maybe we’re all possessed by the spirit of the country, that could be gold. Maybe my main character will fight the alpha and it’ll end in murder, blood in his mouth, jugular torn out, cock hard. Feral. A mix of savagery and eroticism and just thriller. Annnnyway.

Then there’s the idea of collaborating in erotic art with someone. I like the idea of writing a story with someone of the opposite sex / dynamic, you know? I’ve worked on ideas with kitten in the past – we meld concepts and I do the writing – but I’m always looking for different voices too.

30 Days of Kink – Day #29 – BDSM TITLES!

Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Well my kitten calls me Sir and I wouldn’t want that any other way!

For me, the use of the title harkens back to this sense of politeness and reception and nod to certain roles that we have taken in our lives.

I mean, yeah it’s incredibly sexy to hear it slither out of the lips of my darling. But there’s power to it that I feel, and I liken it to the days of old.

My number one rule with anyone, though, is that in their eyes, I have to have had earned their respect. Otherwise, there is little point in calling me Sir.

You could argue and say that they aren’t showing me respect by using the title, but I don’t really agree with that – I think it’s a little arrogant to demand this level of respect from someone you don’t know. So that doesn’t bother me.

There have been instances where I’ve spoken to a submissive I greatly admire and all of a sudden, they will address me as ‘Sir’ and I actually feel content, not for my own ego, but that I’ve earned their trust. I think it’s the act that’s most important, not that I’ve earned the title.

At the end of the day, I’m a schlub. I mean, I’m just some guy, sometimes I feel like — ‘hey, you don’t need to-no. You don’t need to call me Sir. Just my name is fine. I don’t deserve such recognition’.

Then I’ve met some people who feel the need to call me ‘Sir’. It’s important to them. Even if it’s someone I met, say, from the blog or on Tumblr, it’s important they keep to these values that are important. Of course they always ask first, which is lovely.

I’m sorry I’ve been a bit slack with these, ladies and gents. I’ve been fine-tuning the upcoming 12 Days of Kinkmas that I hold the start of December every year! It’ll be in its fourth year! So if you’re a fan, look forward to that, if you’re not, ignore the bombardment Of Christmas-themed erotica!

30 Days of Kink – Day #28 – How Do You Dress for BDSM?

Gah, I’m getting slack with this in the last half of this exercise!

How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?

I’m afraid to say, I’m quite boring in this regard. When we do roleplay it’s usually psychological more so than visually represented by roles – something to earmark for later I’m sure!

If anything, I dress down completely. I let the projection of my voice and the look on my face to accentuate the scene and setting and her arousal. Let’s talk about that.

I keep my thoughts centred on my kitten, talking methodically using precisely what I need and nothing more – no fat whatsoever. Even if the ache in my Cock is maddening, I still keep in control so that her pleasure amplifies.

Maybe there is fat – maybe ‘fat’ can be defined by my drawing out a specific encounter – denying her orgasm, say, or teasing her all day and then waiting till night to relieve her of her torture.

However, I like to experiment with structured words and a well placed hand and even a gaze.

Setting my face is kind of like poker – keeping focus, locking her eyes onto mine to allure her mind because I’ve already mastered her body before hand.

I’m fine being naked for this encounter. I think me completely nude, my cock hard and pulsating, is teasing enough for her. She can’t have it, right? Yet it’s on display. That alone is a delicious little game to play.

30 Days of Kink – Day #27: I’m a Day Dreamer!

Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

I’ve been do slack putting these up the past few days – my deepest apologies to the person following this daily.

To answer the question, my non-kink interests always find their way to kinky activities. Where you there when I wrote about Ariel submitting to Ursula as a Slave in exchange for human legs? I’m a huge Disney fan! I set a path to Disneyland and World when I visited the states.

Did you ever read HERA? It was a story for a competition I created last year or the year before. In it, a group of spacefarers investigate a dormant spaceship floating quietly in space, only for them to fall victim to a erratic AI becoming conscious and developing the mindset of a mistress.

It incorporated another favourite genre of mine – science fiction – and has ties to Greek mythology as well, both things I am an avid fan of.

When it comes to writing erotica, I like moving against the grain. I find to do so makes for a challenge to me as someone creating the world in ways it will pay off at the end of the tale – but I also like to challenge the reader. It’s always nice to get an email saying ‘I’m not normally a science fiction fan, or like anime, or I don’t like rape fantasies – but this really took my breath away” – to me that’s a job successfully done.

I can’t help it either, you know? Being inspired by the world around me, or incorporating other things I like into genre. For me, it just comes naturally that I want to experiment with ideas – and there’s freedom to here because I trust readers will definitely tell me what works and what doesn’t. It’s a good place to experiment.

The long-running VALHALLA is another example. I love Norse mythology and fantasy and put both into the story around the more kinky aspects like the M/s dynamic. I actually borrow a lot from old Norse texts, lifting Valkyrie names from the Prose Edda and putting them into the story. Kára is one Valkyrie from the Prose Edda, envisioned here as a fiery soul, like a feisty middle child with problems of her own.

I know what you’re thinking though – yes, yes – enough about what you like to write about, what about your sex life? Well does psychology count as a non kink activity? I mean it IS kinky too to a degree but it doesn’t quite fit into the spectrum.

I’m interested in how minds operate and why. I’m interested in encouraging minds to break free of whatever aspect that is blocking them from that liberation. I’m interested in chipping away at armour in someone piece by piece to see what’s underneath and how we can play with that together.

There’s something really REALLY sexy about finding an aspect in someone that they never knew existed. Maybe it’s an interest, maybe it’s heightened pleasure. To break them when they say they can’t be broken.

Then it’s something as simple as walking out the door right? I walk out the door, ready to grab a coffee for the day (praise and glory be to the coffee) and all of a sudden I’m thinking how I can push kitten against this wall and making her whimper.

I’m constantly thinking about the world and the people around me and turning them into stories I can write about.

I’m a day dreamer.

30 Days of Kink – Day #26 – My Opinion on Online BDSM interaction

What’s your opinion on online BDSM play? Or online D/s Relationships?

I have no qualms with it whatsoever. The majority of my BDSM education came from interactions online – through Fetlife or through WordPress and the lovely readers who choose to write me (Never underestimate the power of encouraging words, especially to a writer!). I’m talking invaluable life and personality lessons.

And I mean, the best thing I can say about online BDSM is that it encourages the best component, the psychological interaction with one another. So much of it can be text based in an exciting way – the use of words or tasks or just deep conversation.

Then there’s the other side, the harmful side. People can abuse newcomers. It is heartbreaking how common it is to hear from a reader or lurker that there is this man that is playing mind games. That’s not to rule out a dastardly wicked woman – it really can go both ways – but the majority of what I’ve personally dealt with are men misusing dominant traits and emotionally abusing new submissives and shattering their trust.

As good as the initial interaction can be, especially on a psychological level, I feel like people new to the dynamic need to be careful. Submissive’s especially need to understand that they have to give consent before being demanded things. They need to understand they have that power and that right and that equality.

It’s important to keep an eye out for traits of twitchy folk – are they pushy? Rushing things? Demanding? Are they respecting your self or they misusing the whole dynamic?

As fruitful and involving and lovely as online D/s can be, I also feel that an endgame of it, no matter how far off, if it’s quite serious of course, should be to turn that exchange into a long term psychical relationship. But even saying that is a bit generalising, for some people have ways of surviving in that state, with one another, and can make it work. So it depends on the individuals involved.

30 Days of Kink – Day #25 – How Open Are You About Your Kinks?

How open are you about your kinks?

The one thing I always say to people who write to me is that they can ask what they’d like – because I’m pretty open to a point. I like having that availability to people and I like just being open myself as I don’t see kink as being something to shy from.

But! I mean, I don’t flaunt it needlessly. If it comes up, say, around family or friends, I’ll be open and give my opinion and if questions about my life come up, I wouldn’t beat around the bush about it. I would be open – to a degree and politely – about how it appeals to me.

However, when it comes to readers and people who have questions on my tumblr, I’m open quite a bit. Shoot! Fire away! Go ham! The sky’s the limit. Let’s do this! Whatever goes!

30 Days of Kink – Day #24: Your Ideal Partner in Crime

What qualities do you look for in a partner?

I love the right mix of things that bring us together but also a little bit of difference. Like, having similar interests and tastes is key because we’ll be exploring together – but then I’d want my perspective to be my challenged – and not just in terms of physical sexual play but psychological.

To have someone find the backdoor into my mind and be stimulating me in really intelligent ways – I’d really like that.

Other than that, a mix of primal, baby girl and Slave would be ideal, as that would fit snugly with my personalities.

Beyond that, someone eager to explore, to experiment. Someone cheeky, with a warm sense of humour. Playful, dark, sweet, aw curious about the mind as I am. I like to be surprised by someone more then anything.

Having said all that, I like to be open too. I feel like if I build up this idea of a ULTIMATE SUBMISSIVE FANTASY in my head, it’s unrealistic and a little unfair to the individual that comes along. So I go in without expectations.

30 Days of Kink – Day #23 – How Has Your Perspective Changed?

Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? If so, how?

I would like to think I’ve certainly matured over all.

For example, my attitudes towards punishment have been refined, whereas before they were a little rough around the edges in terms of the effect they could have.

But also, dominance has become more fulfilling in me when I think less about what I want out of it and what it means for the mind of the submissive. My approach in seducing and in handling myself and all sorts of aspects has matured as I’ve grown with kitten.

Beyond that, my mind has opened to the ways of being / learning / transforming into a Master. The nature of it used to scare me, I think, and I ran from it, but now I’m growing into the idea. I’m writing more openly about it and exploring what it could mean for me.

People used to say of me that I came out of my shell as I got older, maybe this was always the next stage in my metamorphosis – being more comfortable in my skin.

So I guess that means I’ve been more experimental as I’ve found my courage from within. It’s a lovely feeling.

30 Days of Kink – Day #22: Keys to a Healthy BDSM Relationship

What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

In my journey into maturing I have learned that the important aspects are – communication – it’s important to always communicate likes, dislikes and things that you want to explore.

It’s easy to not say anything and just compromise quietly, but there’s no challenge there. In my experience, growth comes through challenge.

I got to a point where, in my adult life, I just started being myself. I wasn’t tactless, I was overtly aware of being obnoxious or insensitive, but I was honest through and through with people to combat my shyness.

Honestly, you’d be surprised what people aren’t saying – I think that’s the saddest thing. There have been a few times, if someone writes in and I say ‘feel free to write whenever, you’re not bugging me.’ And they express total disbelief.

So – open communication, that’s one.

A willingness to learn from each other, that’s another one. Kitten has taught me many things about myself and my dominance that are invaluable – little things such as how to behave, how to punish without inflicting emotional distress. So I think a submissive can definitely teach a dominant in ways.

Patience is key. I think patience in training and in seeing each other through terrible times where vanilla aspects occur is important to maintaining trust and love.

Be experimental. Try new things. Explore new sights and sound, setting and scenarios. Be creative and different. Try not to stay in that unavoidable comfortable grind.

How does it differ from a vanilla relationship? I think that being open to each other’s darker impulses opens a doorway to deeper understanding of our minds. We’re in touch with this conduit that grants us all sorts of knowledge that I’m not even sure vanilla people are capable of, or are aware of.

I’ve learned a lot about myself being in a BDSM lifestyle that I’m not sure I could or would in a vanilla relationship – things about my sexuality that are linked to my humanity, like why I ran naked through the woods or that it’s okay to be into degradation with someone you love.

30 Days of Kink – Day #21: Favourite Non Fiction / Fiction Books!

List your Favourite BDSM related book/s (fiction or non-fiction).

A favourite non fiction book of mine is Screw the Roses, Send Me The Thorns by Molly Devon and Philip Miller. I bought this for my kitten when we were training each other and it’s usually in the list of books along with SM101 by Jay Wiseman.

The former book is a light read – very casual and light and easy to follow for newcomers. The second is, well, very succinct and concise. Wiseman’s writing is informative but also very dry for my taste. I like a bit of down-to-Earth ease about anything, less of a stuffy teacher in a sleepy classroom feel.

As for fiction, one of my favourites is Captive in the Dark by C.J Roberts. It’s about a young woman who is kidnapped by a man who trains her as a sex Slave. But there’s a twist! He’s training her to break into a sex trafficking ring for spoilery reasons.

The whole novel is very dark – walking the line between extreme rape fantasy, kidnaping thriller and slight M/s erotica. A lot of the eroticism comes from the kidnaping dynamic and the struggle – and for me I felt repulsed but equally turned on and I like being challenged like that.

I read it traveling through Canada on a bus and had to conceal my hardness – just a bit of trivia for you there.

Another couple of personal favourites are by Anne Rice under the name A. N. Roquelaure. The first is The Sleeping Beauty Quartet, dark and twisted and visceral and oh so sweet. They reimagine Sleeping Beauty in…really interesting ways.

The other one by Anne Rice that I’ve always remembered but have yet revisited is Belinda, which explores the relationship between an older man and a young girl. The man is a painter who becomes enamoured and obsessed with Belinda, leading to some juicy drama!

It’s very much about the obsession of passion and art and creativity – and really, I guess, the death of creativity in an artist. Or the idea that you can cling onto it desperately.

But it’s sexy and erotic and I was amazed by the sensuality of it as I read it all those years ago. I need to revisit it!