What Do You Get Out Of It?: A Dominant On Bondage

What does bondage mean to me, somebody who identifies as being a dominant? I’ve been thinking about that the past few days. That – and my dominance itself.

People have told me in the past that January, being the first month of a new year, makes people contemplative. I guess that’s true for me too because I’m wondering about all the finer details.

I think the first aspect – the most obvious aspect – is the sexual thrill. Why a sexual thrill? Well, I can draw that line – that red string on the board – back to my interest in control. How I like to have that control, how it eases my mind and, on my better days, my anxieties. Control is calming. But there’s also an underlying degree of sexiness there too. An edge. Control is calming and appealing but there’s also that part of my brain that is attracted to an image of someone – in my case, a submissive, bound by rope. Not only at MY mercy but at the mercy of the binding of the rope. Just that very sentence activates the sadist in me. I want her to struggle, for her to feel the burn against her tits and thighs. I want to see how my plaything reacts to that pain. In a way, I want to test her.

So there’s the level of control, and the sexual thrill brought about by that control – not to mention the sadistic side woken out of a slumber, but what else speaks to me, as a dominant? I’m not a submissive, I couldn’t dare say what appeals to the one that wants to be bound. But the question that so many readers and people I mentor ask me comes to my mind – what do you get out of it? And, here’s one of my own, does it go beyond sadism and sexual thrills?

I believe it does. There’s two things I want to ramble about, if you’ll allow me, if you care for read, and the first is the intimacy of it. There’s something else at work behind the sadism and sexual thrill and control, there’s beauty. Beauty at the weaving of the rope, at how the intricate pattern crisscrosses across her body, holding her all snug-like. It’s a work of art, it’s magic and it couldn’t be magic without her involvement, her devious mind.

Which brings me to Kinbaku-bi, or what the internet tells me is “the beauty of tight binding”. It’s an art form, it’s creative, it’s putting your mind into your kink so it’s personal on a whole different level and it’s artistic. My mind is drawn to how experimental you can be with it. Try this weave, try this chair, try bending her over. It invites thought and it invites discussion and even now, it has my heart and mind racing with possibilities.

So I think that’s what I get out of bondage, whether it being viewing it from afar or engaging it in directly. It’s erotic, it’s beautiful, it’s artistic, it’s personal – it’s multi-layered.

Thanks for reading and if you want to talk about this piece or any other, you are always to welcome to comment or write in to me directly at darkanddominant@hotmail.com

3 thoughts on “What Do You Get Out Of It?: A Dominant On Bondage

  1. Interesting read. I wonder if my own Dominant has a similar view on bondage. While in my current D/s relationship, we haven’t implemented bondage as it’s long distance, in the past I’ve enjoyed it. As a submissive, the thrill is a bit in the suspense of not knowing what will happen next. This thrill is heightened when a blindfold is added to the mix. Will I be left like that for long? Will another be invited to join in and use me as well? Am I going to get fucked like this? You never really know what’s going to happen and it can recreate a bit of a rush. Another thing is being at the mercy of my Dominant. I’m intoxicated by the surrender, of not being in control of my own pain or pleasure. When you’re bound, you’re pretty helpless which means it’s up to someone else. In the past, I didn’t really trust anyone to give up all control, but with my current Dominant, I trust him completely so giving up total control would come a bit easier.

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    1. You should ask what he thinks! You might find that some interesting things come back to you! If it’s long distance, it might add some spice just thinking about it!

      Thanks for shedding light on thoughts from the other side of the dynamic 🙂

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  2. I have never tried it, the bondage part, but it intrigues me. I’m afraid of pain though so that part would not appeal to me. The idea if being bound during sexual arousal activity is the part that intrigues me. Seeing the perspective from the one doing the rope tying is interesting. Thank you for sharing.

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