Are Dominants just ‘well-adjusted sociopaths’?
That was the question that awaited me in my email just now, and to be honest, I don’t really blame a wondering mind like that. If you traveled back in time to when I was 25 and experimenting and new, you’d find me wondering if I was insane for thoughts I’d later associate with BDSM dynamics.
However, it’s simply not the case. At least from my own personal experiences.
I mean, I’m sure there are plenty of well adjusted sociopaths that are dominant out there – I’ve seen it on reddit and on Fetlife. I’ve heard it from those I’ve mentored. It’s unfortunately just that dynamic that makes it easier to prey on the unsuspected.
But to wonder if all Dominants are that way would be a gross generalisation – and one that reeks of cynicism.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to shame those that ask the question or to those that wonder the question. I did, and I think at some point others will too.
That all dominants have been put into that question is where I find myself disagreeing – and where I felt compelled to bring this to the table and just put it out there, as its an intriguing topic that I found myself contemplating. Any topic that has me pondering in general is a great thing and I welcome thoughtful discussion. So should the person that relayed the question be reading this, please don’t take it as an attack.
Since starting this blog and thinking out loud and conversing with readers, I have learned that BDSM isn’t just some glorified sex fantasy, it runs deeper than that. The people interested in BDSM and in living a D/s relationship are vulnerable, soft-spoken and intelligent folk with hearts of gold. They feel intensely, they ache intensely and they ponder so deeply what it means to be human, to want something so dark, to want pain.
More than this, to operate in a D/s relationship is to open your heart and mind to being exposed and examined in a way that leaves you raw in a way that a non-kinky relationship might not.
The blog posts I’ve read are so thoughtful and heart aching sometimes that I can’t see these people not opening themselves to feeling such feelings like guilt or remorse or love – something I don’t believe a sociopath can feel. Correct me if I’m wrong.
Obviously there will be minds that lean towards that evil and abuse of trust and power. It pains me to hear that that’s all some people out there – who are looking for something genuine – find.
I’ve been lucky. No, scratch that – I’ve been stupidly lucky. And stupidly blessed. I’ve met more lovely people in this lifestyle than evil.
That’s me though, the guy that looks up the end of the movies to see if a dog dies or not – or ugly cries at tv shows or spends too much time worrying about things I shouldn’t be worrying about.
I don’t know, guys. It’s late, I’m rambling. I’ll end it here.