An Open Letter To Kinky Teens

Hey there. I hope you’re having a lovely day.

The first thing that I want to say is that, if you’ve found my blog through whatever means, I hope that there has been a piece I have written that has made you see that you aren’t alone in what you are feeling.

That, I feel, is the most important thing I can say or write to you right now — that what you are feeling can feel like a vortex of insanity but that doesn’t mean you are insane and that doesn’t mean what you’re feeling is wrong or disgusting or outrageous, no matter if you’ve had a parent tell you, or an ex tell you – some people are scared by it, some don’t understand it. And in turn that scares them. Don’t let their conceived reality become yours.

You have it in you to be strong and you certainly have it in you to overcome any barriers, to learn and to organise your thoughts in a way that will make you less anxious. You need a platform to organise them, to talk of them. But you are certainly up to the challenges of such a task! And I promise you, the more you practice a challenge, the easier it becomes in time. I wish I knew that growing up.

I was 12 when I started exploring kink – running through forests naked, indulging in things I’d later know where primal. I was 16 when I started exploring degradation and humiliation, not knowing degradation and humiliation were terms for what I found arousing. I only know these now because I did some digging and soul searching in my twenties – and that’s another thing you have on your side – time! Time to research, to assess, to know that being submissive is more than taking orders, it’s about your inner power and inner worry, just as being dominant is more then control, it is about knowing when to lead and when to be led, as well as harnessing both yourself and your partner in a safe environment.

Please be safe. The internet can be a wonderful place where people are so welcoming but it can also be a place for predators, faceless figures looking to take advantage of your naivety when it comes to BDSM and D/s.

I wish I had websites to recommend or teen-friendly sites for BDSM and kink, I don’t. I learned the long, hard way – typing things into google, finding non-fiction books like SM101 by Jay Wiseman from Goodreads. The little things like that that helped me. But I also did stupid stuff, like finding kink communities on the Whisper app and openly talking about my problems. Don’t do something like that – don’t open yourself to that kind of hurt. I know I’m being the hypocritical adult here, that’s a lot of adults for you – we make mistakes and don’t want that for someone else but — just be careful. Don’t rush into anything with anyone, talk if you must and learn but be mindful of your self and your worth and the power you have in your sexual identity.

Because let me tell you, you’re normal and you’re lovely and there’s not a thing wrong with you. I remember feeling like that, and you know what? I remember learning that I wasn’t alone in the world, that people were just like me out there.

Take your time. You’ll be fine.

I will never turn anyone away that wants to talk, regardless of age. My email is always open.

5 thoughts on “An Open Letter To Kinky Teens

  1. Such a great post on an important topic. Teens often feel tremendous guilt as they explore any aspect of sex and sexuality. And while that journey can be wonderful, there are so many mine fields to cross. The three biggest imho are the guilt, the judgement from others who find out about any of it, and the potential of having your youth and inexperience used against you by someone older (i.e. exploitation). As my family is pretty much aware of my non-traditional lifestyle (poly, D/s), I am “the Aunt” that nieces and nephews go to to discuss their sexual feelings. It’s so sad that they are often full of shame instead of full of wonderment. Sexual desires are normal! Even the kinky ones!!! Anyway, great post!!

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    1. Thank you for your kind words. It is a terrible feeling to feel lost and alone and like you’re going mad. I wish I could shield people from it.

      I’m glad that your family feel comfortable enough within themselves to talk about it, instead of letting it simmer and fester.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I sort of fell into by default. No one else in the family wants to hear about, think about it, or try to address it – but they all know crazy Aunt Jen is so open about her sexuality that nothing will shock her. Thus they seem comfortable coming to me with their sex related struggles.

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