30 Days of Kink – Day #22: Keys to a Healthy BDSM Relationship

What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

In my journey into maturing I have learned that the important aspects are – communication – it’s important to always communicate likes, dislikes and things that you want to explore.

It’s easy to not say anything and just compromise quietly, but there’s no challenge there. In my experience, growth comes through challenge.

I got to a point where, in my adult life, I just started being myself. I wasn’t tactless, I was overtly aware of being obnoxious or insensitive, but I was honest through and through with people to combat my shyness.

Honestly, you’d be surprised what people aren’t saying – I think that’s the saddest thing. There have been a few times, if someone writes in and I say ‘feel free to write whenever, you’re not bugging me.’ And they express total disbelief.

So – open communication, that’s one.

A willingness to learn from each other, that’s another one. Kitten has taught me many things about myself and my dominance that are invaluable – little things such as how to behave, how to punish without inflicting emotional distress. So I think a submissive can definitely teach a dominant in ways.

Patience is key. I think patience in training and in seeing each other through terrible times where vanilla aspects occur is important to maintaining trust and love.

Be experimental. Try new things. Explore new sights and sound, setting and scenarios. Be creative and different. Try not to stay in that unavoidable comfortable grind.

How does it differ from a vanilla relationship? I think that being open to each other’s darker impulses opens a doorway to deeper understanding of our minds. We’re in touch with this conduit that grants us all sorts of knowledge that I’m not even sure vanilla people are capable of, or are aware of.

I’ve learned a lot about myself being in a BDSM lifestyle that I’m not sure I could or would in a vanilla relationship – things about my sexuality that are linked to my humanity, like why I ran naked through the woods or that it’s okay to be into degradation with someone you love.

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