Write about any early experiences that, in retrospect, hinted at your kinks.
When I was younger I used to love to be naked. To be naked was to confront this idea that my parents taught me that being naked was inappropriate, Hell I even got grief being shirtless during the summer.
But I did, I loved being naked. And I loved being naked outdoors. It might sound strange to some but being hidden away in the countryside, trees towering over me, my feet planted in fresh mud, the air on my ass – I felt in communion with something. And the fact that it was daring and different drove me into a frenzy.
I masturbated several times hidden in my little spots, far from the view of my folk’s place. I’ve laid down in the mud and would grind my cock into the earth and come so intensely.
Later, much later, I would discover that all of this was because I was in touch with my primal self. And that blew me away.
It was a startling revelation – but it was a revelation that spanned not just across my childhood but my entire life. I was in touch with this energy I was scared of, yet fascinated by. I always felt different. I always felt like no one could connect to me, that these thoughts I had were irrational.
So through learning I was in touch with this energy, I learned that MY LIFE was this beginning of exploring kink, because it was through understanding the concepts within the dynamic that I came to understand my thoughts, pleasant or unpleasant, that I worked up the courage to be more in touch with my feelings and acknowledging them. And through all this I worked up the courage to fight the fear of those intense thoughts, fear I still have when I post on the blog and worry that today is the day my sexual deviancy lets me down.
This primal dynamic is sort of the foundation to my sexual nature and weaves in and out through my non sexual life.