When I started this blog and started writing up some rape fantasies – some of them already fully formed, some of them coming to me in dreams, I had received emails from readers who were disturbed by their intrigue in what I was writing. The two sides of their brain – analytical and creative – were wrestling with each other and the result was a morbid curiosity.
Just yesterday I read a comment on a blog post in which the user stated that some of their darker fantasies won’t ever see the light of day on their blog – out of fear of being too weird, too dark, too violent. It could also be that they want to keep that imagery to themselves and not share with the waking world.
I understand that all too well. Just a couple of days ago I posted a rough outline of a story called The Woods, in which a teenage girl is anally raped by a demonic tree. I scrapped it because I thought ‘gee, you’re really pushing it this time aren’t you?’ .
Pushing my comfort zone as a writer and the comfort zones of readers is an interest of mine – because I want to shed light on my own mindset while seeing if it has a place in the mindset of a reader.
I’m fascinated by people’s minds – what they don’t want to say but yet feel so strongly. I do it too, I have ideas I delete because I’m worried – worried that maybe i am too weird sexually after all. And maybe this whole WordPress thing is a fluke. I mean, as of writing this, my outline of The Woods has no response, which could either mean I am too weird and people didn’t dig it, or that it’s still a new post. Being an anxious person, I tend to spiral in thought.
And yet I’m compelled to keep pushing, to see what works and what doesn’t, to see if my weirdness can actually arouse in a primal animalistic way. Maybe it doesn’t work with poor Jen and this mystical tree but maybe it will for another encounter. I’m not sure.
I would love to tell anyone – any blogger here or any reader – to be themselves, to challenge that part of themselves that lives in fear of exposing this part of their mind. Because I know it can find an audience, because I know it can be cathartic to release this dark pressure and side of yourself to others who might secretly be in the same boat. But it’s not easy to confront that side of yourself. It takes courage and acceptance and a willingness to expose something so cerebral and precious with the world that could potentially be rejected.
It’s a risk to be sure, but if it connects with someone it can be a beautiful thing. A really beautiful thing.
To that end, I have an idea. It may not take off, people may not even respond, but I have an idea as of this moment regardless. Every idea a writer has is built around the question ‘What if?’, right? Well what if I created an anthology of darkest fantasies that belonged to readers or bloggers? Hear me out – readers or bloggers could submit anonymously, either through my email or through my tumblr where you can actually submit anonymously to blogs, and I could take the broad strokes of the fantasy to submit a story each month or week.
No one would know who it belonged to, only the person themselves. Everything else could be hidden as it was.
Of course that would mean sharing with and trusting me, which is the only hiccup I could see, but as a writer and reader myself, I’m excited by the idea of this. A way to interact with people and flex my creative muscles.
That being said, far be it for me to say that’s easy – I’ve spent my life fighting to be open. So it’s entirely up to whoever made it this far in this blog! I want to hear from you!