Are there any activities that you have totally changed your mind about, either positively or negatively?
There have been many, I feel. Being dominant for me seems to be an ongoing lesson. I’m constantly re-evaluating how I feel and why I feel that way and what that means to feel that way.
I should say there have been many things I feel I have changed my mind about in a positive way, such as being attentive to the needs of my submissive, or how to set fair punishments if need be, or how to take care accordingly.
And on the other hand, there has been a couple of learning curves where, some things I tried out didn’t work because of a flaw within myself.
What were the circumstances that led you to change your mind?
In my first D/s relationship, back when I didn’t even know it was a D/s relationship, my ex and I tried cutting. I would watch her while she played with the blade on her thigh.
Looking back, it was handled unhealthily. We were not in the best frame of minds, being the impulsive types we were. And I would go on to self harm, which (insert deep, heavy sigh here) still deeply upsets and confuses me to this day.
Some other negative things that I have encountered have just been ways I thought were right in a D/s relationship. I was a little bit selfish of my own needs and less attentive. I think this was because I was so excited and relieved to have found my place that I didn’t stop and think too much about what that really meant for the other half to my partner in crime, you know?
But then I was made aware, and I learned how I was wrong and why and what I could do to improve in the future.
Today’s questions are all about change through life’s encounters. It’s made me think closely on how far I’ve come since being the boy teenager in his girlfriend’s guest room, her sneaking down to say good morning, to the man sitting alone at night listening to the wind howling outside and reflecting on the 13 years between.
I feel old. But I feel wise too. Blessed, to learn from my mistakes, rather than make new ones.
Be sure to check the F4T blog for prompts and other writer’s response to the same question!