I want to talk about the welfare of a submissive, from the point of view of a Dominant, because it’s something that, in my excitement as a youngin’ – or young Dominant, if you will, I missed because I was foolhardy.
Not only is it important to communicate openly, when getting to know one another, but it is also important to maintain that deep level of communication consistently along the way.
I made the mistake there, I got lost initially in my own interest or desire, without thinking of the classic concept of cause and effect and how my interests may impact my lady, my submissive, down the road.
It’s easy to type the sentence – be thorough – but it’s another thing entirely to do out loud, in person with one another. And it’s even trickier to talk about because each dynamic is different and what works and didn’t work for me might be different for the next couple.
Regardless, listen to your partner. Be attentive. But more importantly, be open. Not to his or her own interests but any ideas they may have to put onto the label table you two may eventually play on.
You could even set a time, each week say, to talk openly. Get away from the TV, the phones, the distractions – and just chat. One of my favourite things to do personally is lie down beside my lady in a darkened room and talk to her. Without gazing at a screen, miniscule or massive, the conversation tree-lines open up. There’s an intimacy there, an openness that lets us operate. It’s rather beautiful, you know? But that’s me.
It’s always important to touch base – ask each other how things are in the D/s dynamic. Is there room for improvement? Are you both satisfied? Is there any new things you want to try? Is there anything wrong with how things have been currently operating? Get thorough.
A Newborn Submissive
First and foremost, I want to address any new or curious submissive currently reading out there – but that being said, this can apply to Dominants with new submissive partners.
The first thing I will say is to be patient. Mistakes are going to be made. Dominants, do not rush in with punishing, however sexy the concept seems, but submissives, do not – I repeat – DO NOT – beat yourself up. You may feel like a loser that you made a mistake, it may feel like your life as a submissive has ended before it began – but lift that chin up, mister / miss. We’re human. We make mistakes. And guess what? Doms make mistakes as well, and trust me, we feel just as stupid when it occurs to.
So patience is the number one biggest thing to remember with new submissive partners. After all, they are learning. Guide them, teach them, be kind to them and put aside your self for the moment to shield them in your training together.
For me, I like to deconstruct every bit of information with a new submissive. There are so many classifications to fall into now that, in the beginning, it can get confusing as to where you really stand. Deconstructing terms together can prove useful, even helpful. You could even make it something special – perhaps a nude cuddle together in a low lit warm space? Something safe and guarded – a moment free of judgement.
Encouraging the identity and individuality of your submissive is paramount, as it is for a submissive to follow their hearts and realise their inner strength when navigating the world of BDSM on their own. It can be overwhelming with so many titles and behaviours of roles cris-crossing that it can be hard to identify just who you are. Remember to listen to your impulses and keep in mind that you have every right to customise dynamics and the like to your taste.
Keeping a dialogue open so that concepts can be explored or encouraged, if confidence needs boosting, is always a lovely idea. A healthy and safe environment is a beautiful thing.
I am going to stop here before I write a larger essay. I hope this sheds some light. If not, I hope I can clear some things up for anyone. Be safe and be kind!