For me, being Dominant is a having this thread that weaves in and out of everything I’ve been carrying around and thinking about since I was much younger.
It ties into my rebellious nature against established structures, work, family or otherwise. It ties into my personal development as a human being – my need as a teen to establish independence, my bodily response to others exerting Dominance. It ties into my relationships. My vanilla ones that saw me leading things sexually at first, then as I failed and got back up, more on a psychological level.
To me, it’s not as perfectly cut as identifying as an Alpha and taking charge in any environment, it runs much deeper than that. It’s spiritual and psychological and romantic.
It’s something within me that answers the call of a submissive’s soul – and in turn, it protects and nurtures and guides it. But more than that, it goes on this strange and beautiful journey of discovery and exploration through life.
It’s spiritual because without it, I’m not quite sure who I am. Maybe it’s no wonder why the day I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at the height of panic I was also struggling to adapt without D/s and BDSM and the Dominance persona.
It’s spiritual because it’s not just about a power exchange or about the thrill of dressing my kitten. It has the power of healing. Of creating a dome for me to lie in, basking in the warmth of company and of intimacy.
It’s psychological because I’m seduced by the mind. I’m seduced by the study of the mind, the behaviour of it. The reasoning behind its interests. I’m seduced by the connection between two minds and why such a thing exists.
And it’s romantic because deep down, the time spent together, in my mind or here, is so raw and magical and beautiful in all of the darker ways.
I don’t know how to simply explain Dominance. I’m not sure I even could. It changes for each individual – as it should, adapting it to fit our lives, our styles and our perspectives.
But for me, it’s a part of my mind, my interests, my soul and sexuality. It was there as a seed in my youth and it’s been growing ever so slowly and steadily since.