And now a friendly reminder…

I’m super tired as I write this but I want to get this out and in this space for anyone out there that’s like what I am about to say.


I shouldn’t be on my computer. I should finish the rest of this new series Altered Carbon and be on my merry way, but something is sticking in my mind. So bear with me.


I was on Fetlife the other day, a rare thing I would say, but I was doing some summer cleaning and fixing my ABOUT ME to suit my 2018 self.


I was clearing out the inbox, you know – making things cleaner. When I got to the earliest ones, and clicked on them for a stroll down memory lane – most of the people that really resonated with me had disconnected from Fetlife.


This could be anything. A change, harassment, boredom, a new relationship, fear. But since I am the king of overthinking, I just wanted to say.


I learned a great deal about myself from conversations with these people. I learned what not to do, how to behave, what kind of Dominant I am – because they sat down and talked it through with me.


The point I am trying to make is that YOU never know what kind of difference you will make to those around you, just by talking to them, by listening.


And this can be applied ANYWHERE. At a munch, outside of Fet, outside of the internet. A friend, a worker, an animal – who knows? I don’t. I’m tired.


MORE IMPORTANTLY: You and what you’re doing is a beautiful thing and no one can say a bad word about it. You are your own captain.

Fear of change, of things unknown, is normal. Try to let it roll off your back like water in the shower, because once you step out of that waterfall, you’ll realise you can be fine.



5 thoughts on “And now a friendly reminder…

  1. I recently disconnected with Fetlife, although I was never in your mailbox there. I joined because I’m searching for what I need to be whole, and instead found a couple of “fake” Doms, one of whom impacted me negatively. So I got rid of my profile there. It wasn’t a statement about alternative lifestyles and it certainly wasn’t because I am afraid of change, but was because of my fear that if I stayed on the site, I would meet more phony people rather than the real ones. I preferred in this case to fold my cards.


  2. I completely agree with what the ‘tired you’ is saying. I’ve learnt from so many people especially in my new dominant role and I’ve learnt that I’m now passing on that wisdom with people I engage with. Just acknowledgement is power.


  3. I’ve joined and left FL a number of times. I’ve been back for a month and doing it very differently now – single, doing what I want. In the past I have left mainly through boredom and because I got tired of the ‘lifestyle’ that dictates so much. So many labels. So many messages! So many friend requests. I need a PA to deal with it all! The mental overload of so many messages and friend requests is crazy. Noone reads profiles, no matter what I put. That hasn’t changed.

    But this time, I am also finding people that I really connect with, people that are teaching me new things, people I really want to meet. I’ve started blogging over there and just throwing my thoughts out into Fetland is resonating with people which is satisfying for me. At least I don’t have to trawl groups and areas for kinksters. I just join a group or post a picture and everyone comes to me. It’s a bit much most of the time but I’m learning to streamline who I respond to.

    I would imagine key reasons people leave are, they find a relationship, they get bored or their life just changes. Many people are just ‘in the bedroom’ and that doesn’t always fit into vanilla life so I suppose they go. FL can be a great place, it can also be a terrible place. You have to be of the right mindset to cope with it. I can only say this from a female point of view. You get a lot of attention. Too much. But there are some proper gents out there and I’m glad I’ve found some of them.


  4. I completely agree with your blog, I’m on fetlife and Spankingtube, there are those who stopped contact and only a couple who have remained good friends. I’d learnt a lot at the start then when Master and I found our dynamic that worked for us, I stopped going on there for advice but when I would blog things, people would come back to me saying it was wrong, this isn’t a true Master/slave dynamic. I used to say who has the perfect dynamic, there is no label for it, it’s what worked for us. Most of those people im sure were nkt even in any form for fet lifestyle. If Master wants me to do something I will, if people don’t want to read my blogs, Well don’t. Take me of the friends list, it’s no skin of my nose, I know the ones I can trust. They might no agree with whatever we do but they always end it by saying I know you are happy so that’s all I care for.
    I’ve taken pride in certain people who have actually asked my advice from reading my profile, and I’ve actually helped some start into a fet lifestyle. Who wudda thought little me would advice……. not me for certain.
    Eventually I went through those in my friends list, removing those who don’t bother with a profile or photo, I don’t mind those who want to perv my photos or videos, but those who insult our dynamic, Well I bin them immediately.
    There are some good people on these sites and if your lucky to find them, you can remain friends in those sites, and even outside of them too. True friends will share email addresses to chat via email or on kik or WhatsApp, share family photos family life, stuff you would never share on any kink site. I’m very happy I’ve found those friends, I may never meet in life, but I know if I needed them, they will listen and help out.
    So your blog is very true to those of us leading true, real fetish lifestyles, whatever they are.


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