Do Not Be Afraid Of Who You Are

I’ve been in the lifestyle for a number of years – 12, technically. And yet, a number of those were me wandering in the dark scared of my own desire. Fearful of who I was. 
I’m much better now, with an open dialogue between the various aspects of my personality. But I still struggle. Whenever I am about to post, I am scared initially. Scared that one day, one thought will go too far. One story will be too rough. Or weird. 
I mean, I’ve written about sea creatures and vampires and sex cults and you guys are still here. But I still worry. 

And so today, I want to talk about fear.
For some, it starts at the beginning of your journey. You have a thought so effective that it scares you because of how you perceive it – that it’s weird or demented or troubling. 
Maybe it’s not just a thought, maybe it’s a mindset. A rape fantasy. A bondage fantasy. Maybe you’re a masochist and you’re trying to understand why you like sadistic concepts. 
Running from that thought won’t work. I tried. I ended back at square one face to face with the thought. And I’d feel guilty.
The trick, I think, is to begin to rewire your outlook. Day by day, steal a moment to yourself and think about what scares you. Remind yourself you’re not alone. That it’s okay to be the way you are.
For me, it was a long and slow process. I signed up to Fetlife. I challenged myself with nude photos. I dived into the local conversation. And day by day, I’d take a moment to read about it, in books, online. 
I think because I always kept the door open to learn, that eventually it became second nature to me. I felt okay being this weird mix of Daddy / Master / Primal.
Even though that’s my story and everyone is different, I feel like the keeping the door open notion is useful. Don’t run from it, keep one foot in the door and one foot in your comfort zone until you are ready to take a wander through entirely.
What we feel, who we are, is natural. It’s what makes us beautiful. Whether you’re interested in bestiality, like an old friend of mine once was, or whether you’re laying in bed married but out of sorts with your spouse. 
The first step is admitting these thoughts are okay. Are your own. The next step is up to you. You might fall or stumble but you’re stronger then you realise. You’ll be okay.
If you need help taking that initial step, if you want to run by a desire just to hear someone else let you know it’s perfectly fine, if you are confused, whatever the reason, you’re not alone. My email – my door – is always open.
Don’t be afraid to step through. 


16 thoughts on “Do Not Be Afraid Of Who You Are

  1. Reading this has made me feel very much at peace, in a way. I have been struggling quite a bit lately with some feelings I have but this helped. I am happy I stumbled upon this page.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. You’re definitely not alone, so when it gets darkest the most, try to remember that everything is going to be alright. Hopefully there is a lot here that might ease your mind,

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Sir – its funny. i have so much fear in my life – all money … which i am hopeless with. This kinky stuff – Never. But… i have spent my entire teenage and grown up life believing that i was a freak… that my desires were mine alone and that noone could possibly hold such thoughts and be “normal”.

    Normal is one thing i have never been, even in childhood. i accepted that i was a fruit cake and decided to just get on with life and settle for what was acceptable.

    Ha – Ha to that … i have had many adventures – tasted many many different types of fruits – and have seriously put myself in what could have been some very dangerous situations. But it was not until seven years ago and meeting my Darling Master, that i discovered, much to my relief and sheer joy – that i was not insane with my desires – and that there were others out there too – (must give a huge thank you to the internet too – by the by).

    But i have never had any fear about this part of my life. Fear of loneliness and settling yes – but that is it.

    But maybe it is because… i left home at 14 and lived in a strange little hostel with a whore house above us and a drugs den below (hong kong life)… noone knew that i was 14, they all thought i was 18. From the moment i ran away from home – i was determined to never turn away from an adventure, never to close a door unless it should be closed and to always keep an open mind. All because i grew up with people around me with such closed minds – black or white that was it.

    smiles Dear Sir – x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There has been plenty to ease my mind here indeed. Admittedly I haven’t read much more beyond the last few entries but they have all been comforting. You are very well spoken, or worded as it were, and I appreciate that as well.


    2. I’m sorry to hear you have gone through some dark times. But I’m happy to see you have found a place of peace, or are working towards a place of peace. And I wish you nothing but happiness.

      Normal is all relative, we are who we are – and that’s normal to us. Don’t give up in times that dark.


  3. After a recent breakup and talking to the person who it was destiny to talk to in that moment, it was helped me rediscover a part of me that i had hidden about.
    I now know who i am, and I’m okay with that. Bring it on!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Really good post. I can see that your message is one that many people are longing to hear.

    There are things that I have run from for years, such as my sexuality, which I finally understood as no big deal. I wish my fears stopped there. Just as with my sexuality, learning to accept myself has meant that once I accept one aspect of myself that there is always another layer of knowing myself or “becoming myself” that begins to happen. I sometimes wish it would stop. I suppose at the end I may become an experienced, self actualized person but I also want to stop the ride along the way, stop growing, stop facing my fears, but in the end it doesn’t work that way, does it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No it doesn’t. You will always be peeling back layers until you reach the end. It’s easy to just let it go and stop facing it, but if you did, you’d never know and if you never know, you’d never find peace.

      Are you okay?

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I happened upon this blog by accident. I will say that is does put me at ease and scares the hell out of me at the same time. I can connect with quite a bit here. I am a 55 year old female coming to terms with that fact that submission is probably the one thing that has been missing from my life for a long time. The problem is where do I go once I come to terms with that? There are times as a strong female in a mans world that I would like to give up that control. Not sure where to go from here.


  6. Thank you so much for even hearing me. I have reviewed a number of your entries and found a few of the books you have recommended to beginners. I have added two to my list. I will work on those baby steps. Thank you again Sir.


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