Taking the first step to wanting to try any form of BDSM is intense. It’s scary, thrilling and overwhelming. Where do you start? What’s a primal? How do you navigate in a world so full of differences? It’s terrifying.
‘Where do I start?’ Is a question that I get asked a lot – and it’s a difficult one, because everyone has a path set out for them and every path is different.
Here’s some tips I have compiled for any newbie passing by.
Read everything you can find. Novels, self-help books, blogs, tumblr, websites. Self-help books are immensely useful, it’s what I used for my kitty’s training. It’s what I read when first starting out as well.
Blogs are useful tools because they are personal. They get right to the heart. And that’s something priceless and beautiful and valuable for someone coming to the lifestyle because you can learn.
And it might make you feel less alone.
Watching porn can be a useful starting point as well. If only because it might gauge how you feel towards a certain act, in a really visceral way. From a male’s perspective, it helped me identify my own interests because I started to realise that ‘hey, this really does turn me on’ – again, it’s a minor thing but it helped so maybe it might help you.
Fetlife is alienating and terrifying when first approaching, but it’s really rather handy for identifying local get togethers, convention and just finding a useful person as well.
If you can break through any barriers you may have, I would say look into it. Give it a trial period and see how you go. You might surprise yourself or it might not be for you, you never know how you go until you try.
Dip Into The Pool Slowly
Time’s a funny thing. You feel like you can’t get enough of it.
No one is going to be judging you if you take your time with learning. A Dominant shouldn’t harass a submissive for wanting to take things slow and a submissive shouldn’t force a Dominant into making snap decisions (But two examples out of many)
There is a lot to consider about BDSM – safe word’s, the length of a scene, the contract itself, tastes and distastes. And you know what? People grow differently. At different times. And you, my friend, have all the time in the world.
You might even think ‘Well, Mr. Dark and Dominant, you don’t know my age’ – I don’t care if you’re 16, 40 or 80, you have time to learn and to go your own pace. And don’t ever let anyone judge you for it.
Learning The Truth Is A Long And Personal Process
Reading, social media – they may be useful for you identifying key kinks – but at the end of the day, what’s really important is personal growth.
Grab a journal, a pen and sit down. Underline exactly what it is you want out of this journey. Draw a list of pro’s and cons. Make a list of any things you want to work on – body image, esteem, finding a partner, being comfortable in your own skin.
The biggest battle for me was accepting that my whole life was about to change. Looking back, it wasn’t as dramatic a change as I thought, but it was one a life altering one and that was scary and different and hard for me at first.
You can do anything, you just have to practice until you are a god/goddess at it. That will come with time.