Day 15 – Has your Dominance evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you? What do you attribute this evolution (or lack of) to?
My Dominance has definitely evolved over time. It began, roughly, in my teens. I would say, 16-17-18 but I had been developing before that in other aspects, such as a predator.
I used to wonder what was wrong with me, when I realised I was pursuing a crush when I was 10-11. I thought I was a stalker. I thought negatively. Now I see I was a primal all along, just a predator hunting prey – albeit in a really innocent way.
But going forward a few years to my late teens, my dominance come outwardly through my love for degradation and humiliation. That was my kink. And I explored it through means of setting tasks with my first major girlfriend.
Beyond my life in my twenties, which ends this year, uh oh, I went from that kink to becoming more defined. I wanted to have a collar for my submissive, I read self help book to educate myself. I read viewpoints and definitions and experimented with primals and submissive’s. And so I redefined my dominance through my search for information and through experience.
My existence within an completely vanilla relationship made me realise – through fear – that I need this sort of control. I had to go to some pretty low places to find out that truth.
So I guess you could say I owe a lot to that relationship.
I also owe a lot to my kitten. Before her, I was scared to be myself. Before her I was hesitant to choke. Now I have harnessed the pressure when choking, and my inner Darkness, to be able to do what I love.