Do you inflict discipline or punishment as part of your Dominance? Why or why not? How do you feel about discipline and punishment as tools used to invoke and maintain submission from your partner/s?
In the beginning of my relationship with kitten, we talked a lot in length about the etiquette that I would like. And to my surprise, she wanted the chance to adhere to what I had in mind.
It wasn’t just about etiquette, it was about her growth as well. Together, we tackled some of her insecurities, through journaling, through her being nude more to grow more comfortable in her skin, to just having her excuse herself if she wanted to go somewhere in my presence.
Why do this? Well, journaling and being nude and positive reinforcement was all for her wellbeing. By focusing on positives in a day, by looking at her thoughts with her, I wanted to help her think a little more highly about herself. I wanted to try anyway.
As far as etiquette went, I wanted to form her, as a principal might form a student. So that she behaved to the rules and regulations. Maybe all that comes from the fact that I kick myself sometimes for not taking the chance on her when I was 21, so I could be there to see her grow into her twenties and out of her teens. (She was 17 so another reason why I didn’t do anything then. Now look! Life’s weird.)
As far as punishment goes, I use it as a tool to reinforce rules and regulations. Smacking is a past time we enjoy, so that doesn’t work. I use something else, either writing our lines, writing a 500-1000 word essay on a subject of my choosing or I make her sit in the corner of the room naked without me for a length of time I feel is appropriate.
Punishment and psychological punishment can be tricky. You don’t want to create a sense of abandonment. You don’t want to punish when it’s uncalled for. To avoid hiccups, I always ask her if she understands why she is punished. Most of the time, she knows. Sometimes it is a fault of my own and I own that mistake and we come to an understanding.
Discipline and punishment can be useful tools in teaching protocol but I think a Dominant should be careful in their approach. Make sure it’s just, make sure it’s not going to push them in a direction where they might fear messing up so badly. Carefully assess the situation.