Introduction to BDSM

 

So you’ve decided to explore the world of BDSM and somehow you’ve ended up here in the dark corners of the Internet! Welcome! Pull up a chair. We’ve got some things to discuss.

By choosing to explore this, you’ve taken a step into the realm of BDSM, a place where all sorts of delightful interactions await you, if you desire. But where do you begin? Where to even start thinking?

WHAT IS BDSM?

BDSM stands for:

Bondage. Discipline. Sadism. Masochism.

Bondage is consensually tying and restraining a partner and receiving sexual gratification from giving or receiving the act, Discipline concerns the practice in which the Dominant lays rules and structure for the submissive, Sadism is a psychological and physical act in which inflicting pain or humiliation or degradation is arousing and Masochism can also be psychological and physical, in which the person in question enjoys receiving pain, emotionally or otherwise.

The fundamentals of which involve the interaction between a Dominant and submissive. Within these roles, a set of behaviours and rituals are formed to create a dynamic between the two parties.

 

MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT BDSM

There are a few misconceptions about BDSM that I want to clear up before we go any further.

First off, it’s not about the Dominant having his or her filthy way with a submissive. There’s communication upon the union between a Dominant and a submissive in which boundaries are established. The submissive always has the right of way.

It’s not just about physical pain: Peel back the curtain and you’ll see that there’s a deep love and connection between the two parties, but also that the psychology of the interaction is quite beautiful, wild and freeing. It is, if I may, cerebral.

 

BDSM is about Trust first and foremost. The submissive gives it to the Dominant and the Dominant cares for, nurtures and protects the submissive. In turn, the submissive trusts that the Dominant will respect their boundaries, which is where a ‘safe word’ comes into play.

You may also think of BDSM and think something along the lines of a dungeon and while there are places / rooms like that, the only dungeon you really need is that dirty mind of yours. BDSM is largely psychological – you plan out with your partner, talk through your kinks, limits, methods, exploration. When you are in the middle of playing, there’s a deep level of intimacy connecting minds. This is called NEGOTIATING and it’s very important when establishing etiquette, rules and scenes.
Being such a sensitive topic, a fault can easily arise in a relationship if things aren’t communicated clearly.

We’re not sociopaths. You’re not going insane because your Tuesday night is made up of you spanking yourself while you stretch those clamps attached to your nipples. BDSM is, in no way, a force of destruction.

 

 

SSC (Safe. Sane. Consensual)

This one is super important, and one I’ll probably write a separate article on for good measure.

Just because a Dominant may be a Dominant does not grant them ability to walk over anyone, be it a submissive or another Dominant. And the same goes for the submissive. Respect each other and these three concepts.

SAFE:

Whatever the scene is, run it by each other for good measure. Check it again and any problems that may hurt physically or psychologically. Double check it. Check the environments, the setting, the materials used. Make sure everything is safe. Make sure medical conditions, again – physical or mental, don’t become hurt in the process.

SANE:

You don’t get to manipulate anyone. Everything is agreed upon. Don’t go beyond the rules because you think ‘You can’. Nope. Not on. Always discuss what you want to do, always discuss exploration. Because the Dom gives to the submissive – and vice versa, doesn’t mean one or the other has the right to exploit. There are morals at play. That and we are human. Be mindful at all times.

CONSENSUAL:

All activities should be fully approved by all parties engages within the activity. There must be no room for doubt. Every thing is under simulation unless discussed in a contract or otherwise. Don’t break limits or respects or promises. BE careful.

 

In Conclusion…
Are you with me still? I sure hope so. It can be daunting learning all this but turning away from it will never set you free. One day at a time, one day step at a time. With time comes understanding, with understanding comes peace.
The world of BDSM is a deeply sensual and beautiful place. It covers a broad range of human behaviour that might be hard to navigate, but you will get there soon enough. That you are here reading this should be a time for exploration, celebration and merriment.
FURTHER READING
1. SM101 by Jay Wiseman

2. Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns by Phillip Miller & Molly Devon

3. The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren

4. Conquer me by Kacie Cunningham

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3 thoughts on “Introduction to BDSM

  1. Going to share this with my new partner. Thank you for putting it so succinctly. I find that hard, especially when I am dealing with emotions.

    Like

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