The Manipulating Mentor

One thing that I want to talk about today is the idea that there are Dominants about there that are willing to manipulate the emotions of a newbie submissive in order to get beneath her clothes, is what I’ve read from readers. And this came back into my mind last night because I had a reader write in with a bunch of lovely thought out questions about being a mentor and one of them quite fairly questioned me. And rightly so. I question me at the best of times. And after all, this is the net and you have to be safe.

But it got me thinking.

A mentor shouldn’t be interested in playing with you.

There are so many branching thoughts to that question, isn’t there? Like

  • What if we started off as a mentor and student and developed stronger feelings?

That’s all well and good, Lord knows I can’t tell anyone how to live their life. So long as the mentor is genuinely interested in you and not in your tits.

But what I wanted to say is that a mentor isn’t your play partner. They are your teacher. They are there to talk to you in a personal environment about their experiences with the community, the different dynamics, over different dynamics overlap.

Now I’ve heard of mentors, specifically men – I haven’t yet heard of a female mentor doing this but they very well could exist – abuse this sacred trust of the new submissive and manipulate, by way of smooth talking, which has usually resulted in him getting what he wants with the confused woman asking if this is right. And it isn’t, it’s a gross violation of trust. I very rarely use the word ‘hate’. It’s potent and sentence stopping, but man oh man do I hate the idea of anyone taking advantage of a lost / new person.

And this usually results with the man losing interest. He just stops communicating altogether. Sometimes he finds another submissive to lure in.

The thing is, with these guys, they’re usually charming, they’re not straight up dicks until you corner them about something. They charm their way into your hearts. When they’re done, the general complaint I’ve heard is that they think the sub they have gotten their fill of is ready for their first actual Dominant. That’s their excuse.

A mentor should be more interested in promoting growth and working in mental health, as well as working with the submissive in areas that they feel they need personal help.

Is there room for attachment? Of course, and I am sure many might go onto successful relationships. But that kind of makes me uneasy, because they’re supposed to be the teacher. A friend. A strictly platonic relationship, like you would in college or high school. And I bet with that, some of us are thinking about role play now and during a connection between that fantasy and why some fall for the mentor. But each case is separate and unique and I am trying not to generalise here.

Bottom line is: Be wary of some mentors if there’s the slightest sign of douche bag-ness. Hell, be wary of me. I welcome it. I’ll answer questions about wariness till we are both exhausted.





5 thoughts on “The Manipulating Mentor

  1. Thanks for saying this.
    I’m aware FetLife is rife with predatory “mentors” offering to “teach” new arrivals all they need to know. Urgh!!

    I’d like to also advise anyone setting up their FetLife profile for the first time, please do not include, “I’m new here…” or anything like it. That’s hanging out a sign which will attract the worst kind of Dom.


    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s a perfectly valid point, because that crosses into sub territory that, let’s face it, a dominant can only provide so much on.

      What I want to and try to offer though is understanding of a few concepts in the lifestyle, but also a glimpse into the Dominant mindset that might clear a few things up regarding the inner psychological workings. For that reason, and reasons I’ve highlighted in a post a few days ago, I’ll offer the hand of mentorship if anyone would like.

      Liked by 1 person

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