What Does It Mean To Be Dominant?

What does it mean to be Dominant? 
Being Dominant, to me, means to live with this insatiable desire to take control – of a scenario, of a submissive. It means to crave something deeper on a psychological level, on a raw level. A human connection, bonded by a unique level of trust, a love for kink and a desire to explore what makes us human. What makes us tick.
You see, it’s craving control of a submissive – but that means so many things. I crave to guide, to teach, to be a dad, to see her dress how I want, to fuck how I want, to care for her in my way. It means being a teacher, a lover, a friend, a father and soul mate.
It’s not just about a love for spanking, degradation, nipple clamps and bondage. It’s about the desire to know the submissive in a way that no one has ever known before. Think about what means for a moment – to explore what makes her human, what makes her a submissive, what makes her WANT. 
It’s about reaching deep down within her psyche, finding what that means or how that feels, and absorbing her. Every part of her mind, body and spirit. 
It’s about taking all of that and protecting it, like a knight, one that, in my case, definitely has chinks from my battles with my demons. 
And just so I’m clear, it’s not about seeing a submissive purely as an object. Not for me. I want to express, in my eyes, that the lifestyle comes with a romanticism there. Not only the desire to protect her but the desire to know her beyond any capacity she or I have experienced. I have great affection for the basic notion that is worshipping her, guiding her, protecting her and to fulfil her through my Dominant personality. 
It’s not about being an alpha. I’m not an alpha, I don’t feel like an alpha. To society, I’m you’re quiet guy, guarded and silent. I don’t dominate conversations, I don’t lead at work. I lead her. By the leash, by the collar.
I don’t want a regular relationship, I want the deeper feelings, the raw and intense encounters, the exposure for me and her that comes with that trust. 
I guess what I’m trying to say is that what being dominant means for me is to explore my humanity. To explore why I am the way I am, but also to live with the lifestyle, almost in a symbiotic relationship, because it needs me and I need it. Without it, I’m edgy. I’m lost, I’m angry and depressed. With it, I have balance. Harmony.


26 thoughts on “What Does It Mean To Be Dominant?

  1. I enjoyed reading this. As a submissive, I do often wonder how it feels the other way round and what is in it for a Dominant. This was a helpful insight to how you feel. Thank you.


      1. Welcome! There’s a lot of us with very different, very interesting reviews. If there’s anything I can do for you or if you just want a chit chat, do drop by. I’m always up for chat!


  2. I very much like your version of Dominant.
    And thank you for saying you don’t consider yourself an alpa, a leader in other areas of your life. It’s become an almost clichΓ©d thing for Dominants to state what an alpha they are in all things, but I think that, just as many subs would never be recognised in their everyday guise, it’s also true of many Doms.
    My Sir is a very gentle, unassuming man whose dominance is reserved for me alone – and I love him for it!


    Liked by 4 people

      1. He began spanking me when we were teenagers, and this continued on into our marriage and sex life.
        But as my career advanced I became ever more confident, and him less so. Then the kids, and him staying home while I worked…. Till one day he told me I really intimidated him. And that stopped me in my tracks.
        We talked, about what we had become, and what we wanted to be. We read, and shared, (God bless the Internet!), and when he asserted himself and realised I really would submit and not just play my smarter than him card – well, then we started on our current kinky, sexy, fulfilling path!

        Liked by 3 people

      2. Who me??? 😱

        It’s all Ash and her sexy British ways!!! 😍

        She lured poor Alder into her lair and he had no choice but to tame her as he could not get away πŸ˜ˆπŸ˜‚πŸ’•

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I loved this post…it serves as another example that you don’t have to be loud and carry a big stick to be a Dom. Sometimes it is the quiet and reserved hunter that we should fear the most (Giggle)

    Liked by 3 people

  4. One really gets to see things from a Dominant perspective, what drives the behaviour and psychology and perhaps what I’m about to say is antagonistic – but Dominants appear to write freely about the kink side of this dynamic, the visual and the erotic – seldom is there the balance … for this I thank you, be it your own perspective …


  5. I love how you describe what Dominant means for you. Wow. My fingers are stuttering over the keyboard and I can only manage to bash out ‘wow’ for lack of any other meaningful expression. Thank you for posting that.


  6. This is beautiful! It sums up what I think a true Dominant should be. As for your last line? “Without it, I’m edgy. I’m lost, I’m angry and depressed. With it, I have balance. Harmony” That also explains exactly how I get without submission.


  7. As always, very well said. You touch nicely on the more human parts of your dominant personality. Very nice to hear when so much is based on the physical.


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